Sorry old chap, the money has run out!

heartbreak_star

Sorry to hear things haven't come up roses for you Tony, you were doing so well

Massive hugs - CCCS will get you sorted!

HBS x

Out,_Vile_Jelly

tony_ack wrote: »

I parted with some really cherished possessions - my limited edition Lego Millennium Falcon was sold for £800, yet this was barely enough to get me back on track.

That made me really sad. At least it's probably gone to another fan who will get pleasure from it.

You really need to speak to work about your delayed expense claims; anything taking longer than 4 weeks is unacceptable. I would first ask (politely and in a non-confrontational manner) what the expected timescale is, and confirm that there's nothing in the way you're completing the paperwork that's causing problems (in my experience as an administrator delays are regularly caused by illegible handwriting, incorrect totals and incomprehensible receipts). Then escalate it to your manager. If you have to travel regularly as part of your job it is not unreasonable to expect that this process is efficient.

Takeaway_Addict

Sorry to hear how things have panned out. Chin up and keep doing what you've been doing because whilst you may not realise it the changes I have read over the last 6 months have been immense and you will get through this with a better frame of mind than before you started!

sistafromanothermista

Wow what a thread ! i hearing you had to sell your possessions. You must be such a strong person to go through all this and not lose your spirit so :beer: to you

I hope the DMP works well for you and all the best for the future.
I have subscribed so will look forward to an update.....

tony_ack

Thanks everyone for the support, I have mixed feelings about the DMP. On the one hand I feel I've failed a bit.

On the other hand it feels like a big weight off my shoulders and the chance to start again. I am so so tired of trying to balance all the debts and scrambling every day to keep it all together. I'm tired of getting charged again and again because I can't afford to live, and then having to search the house for things to sell just to keep treading water. I'm tired of being constantly overdrawn and often over my limit. If I could bundle all my debt into a low interest loan and make one payment a month that I could afford, I would. A DMP is letting me do that.

It does feel like cheating a bit, but I've been fighting this for so long that I'm feeling genuinely excited about having one single monthly payment that is within my means, and having enough money left over just to live. Not to spend, not to fritter, just to LIVE without being on edge all the time, without spending hours each day figuring out how to raise the cash I need to make it until pay day. It's been so long since I've had that.

I've said goodbye to a lot of things over the last 10 months, but at the end of the day, they are just things. The guitar hurt the most, I have to admit. I've even started a list of things to treat myself to when I can afford them (when - that last bit is really important!).

Regarding the expenses - I've been going on about it for years. Company policy is 2 weeks from submission date - they usually get paid between 3 and 6 weeks after submission. The worst thing is, if there is a problem with the form or receipts (there is rarely with me :-) ) then it just gets put to the 'can't be bothered' pile - they don't even let you know until you chase it! I've told my boss and he just says that he knows there are problems, and to let him know if the expenses are late.

sistafromanothermista wrote: »

Wow what a thread ! i hearing you had to sell your possessions. You must be such a strong person to go through all this and not lose your spirit so :beer: to you

I hope the DMP works well for you and all the best for the future.
I have subscribed so will look forward to an update.....

You give me too much credit, I've had some really low days and at times just can't stop worrying about our relationship, our problems, friends, work, money, etc. The worst thing is I know I'm doing it, but it's so hard to look on the bright side sometimes. It's GOT to get better though, there's no point worrying about the things you can't change, the only thing you can change is yourself and your outlook on life!

sistafromanothermista

tony_ack wrote: »

. On the one hand I feel I've failed a bit. NO WAY !! YOU HAVE WON BY GETTING THE PLAN IN PLACE AND BEING ABLE TO LIVE YOUR LIFE AGAIN




It's GOT to get better though,there's no point worrying about the things you can't change, the only thing you can cha nge is yourself and your outlook on life! VERY TRUE, GOOD LUCK TO YOU, YOU DESERVE IT. AT LEAST YOU TRIED EVERYTHING ELSE FIRST YOU HAVE TO GIVE YOURSELF AN ENORMOUS AMOUNT OF CREDIT FOR THAT

Please see my comments above :beer:
All the best to you

LaughingLorna

Hi Tony,
Just read your thread from start to finish and I really feel for you - It sounds like you were really strong for your family and did everything you possibly could so sorry it hasn't all worked out differently for you.

I know it doesn't help right now but getting some medical support for your anxiety will feel just as good as your LBM when you look back on it. One of the best things I did and was the start to me being in a good enough place to plough through the money stuff. I've been there (still am on and off) with the hating myself and being needy, paranoid etc, especially when you feel there are areas of your life like money where you're not on top of things but it does get better! I found it made me more anxious thinking about what ppl at work would think if they found out about anxiety/ debt. I'm in a professional role but opened up to a few ppl about different things i'd experienced and have found so many ppl have been in the same position with both the anxiety and the debt. It's more common than you think.

Reading diaries like yours are so inspirational for me and it gives me the courage to take one day at a time. I used to obsessively plan for the future and now that I've confronted things head on and have a solution I know will take time but is achievable, I can start living life again.

All credit to you - you've put positive things in place and sounds like you're a great dad. You will get through this and can be proud knowing you will be providing a secure financial future for your daughter. I have nothing but respect for all of you that go through this while supporting children!

Firewalker

Hi Tony, I have been following your story from afar but this is the first time I say hi. What prompted me to write is your last two messages.

1) Sorry about you and your partner splitting up - statistically this is one of the main reasons for financial peril. On a brighter note, it sounds as if things are not that bad between you so may need to revisit your life in this aspect soon. Even if you get back together, though, there is the difference about matters of finance - there is a ravine between loathing people who are inventive in how to spend less and the admiration you felt.

2) As to feeling that you failed, don't. What you need now, and what you needed when you started, is stabilisation - both of your health and finances). These are related; I remember when we started I had some of the symptoms you mention (and loads of yelling at OH who was supposed to be the responsible one). I was lucky to be able to start with stabilising my finances; you will have to start from your health.

3) Stabilising your finances means that you get to a situation where you definitely have enough money to live on and pay debt off; in this order. It doesn't matter how this is achieved - by entering DMP and lowering payments, by earning more or by reducing expenses further. But it is a must.

4) Once there is stability, you can start thinking about increasing your cashflow further so that you have more to throw at your debt. This can't be done by selling your stuff; or not entirely anyway. You will need a second job or a 'side hustle' - watch this one, though. I was planning to get a second job in a supermarket (being an academic) and it turned out that I can earn more by writing a blog and other kinds of writing. What I am saying is, assess carefully what you can offer and who may need it before jumping into anything. Remember that we tend to underplay out strongest talents!

5) Once you have increased your cashflow you will have to save a buffer - known as emergency fund but it is more 'security' than 'emergency.. I have this and don't use it for emergencies - for this I use the cashflow we have generated and usually goes to overpay debt. But knowing that I have the emergy fund makes me feel safe and secure so I can focus on increasing cash flow even further.

I'll stop now but if you want to talk PM me. You will be fine!

Firewalker

speshfesh

Hi Tony,

Spent some time reading this entire thread today.
Wow! you've really been through it matey!

DMP is definitely the way for you (I think you've suffered enough don't you?). Personal relationships are one of the first things to suffer when there's money troubles unfortunately but you seem to be working through that one slowly .

Don't let your health suffer my friend, go and see a professional and talk about what you've been through and what you're feeling now. I can guarantee you that the person you think you are now is a far cry from who you really are. The courage to face up to this and the determination to be the best 'you' you can be will have such a positive effect on, not only your life, but those around you. I know, I did it;).

Do this and get yourself on a no fee DMP and you my friend will be a force to be reckoned with!
I think you owe yourself that much, don't you?:T

Good luck to you.:beer:

tony_ack

Wow, thanks again for all the support. Just to clarify that the main cause of the anxiety is the breakdown of the relationship, but now I think about it, the money problems were also keeping me on edge constantly.

I think my partner is learning about money the hard way. She is - I suspect - using credit to supplement her income and is still living on a shoestring. I have offered her support and advice, but she is very much in the 'I can look after myself' phase at the moment so I don't think she's really listening.

I think going through CCCS is a bit of an epiphany in terms of what is important when it comes to debts. The fact that I have nearly £700 left over when I have paid for priority bills and living expenses shows that I'm not in a bad situation really, and I'm lucky as there are some in a far worse position than me.

Got a letter from Halifax this morning threatening default on my loan as they haven't been able to contact me regarding my arrears, even though they had been in touch and they had taken a payment for the whole arrears 2 weeks ago. I rang them this morning to find out what was going on.

End result was they were very apologetic and are sending me a £35 cheque to cover my distress and call costs (used the work mobile, sshh!). I thought it prudent not to mention my DMP, though the letters should all be landing with my creditors informing them of this either today or Monday.

DMP paperwork has also been sent to CCCS, so hopefully they'll be able to make a start on that. I've also sent £5 payments to all my creditors due a payment in the next couple of weeks before payday, so what is in my account now, is what I've got left.

I've also sent in a claim for bank charges to Barclays. I worked out there were £941 of charges over the last 6 years (plus interest), £850 of this since they introduced the 'fairer' personal reserve system in 2008. I think I now qualify as being in 'hardship' so it's worth a go. Also hoping to re-open the case with Alliance and Leicester which is worth about £400 (over a 5 month period!)

I'm going to open up a basic bank account and start to transfer everything over - I have a feeling that Barclays may take umbridge with me being on a DMP and going after them for charges at the same time. Even if they don't, I just want a fresh start with no overdraft.