Impending enforced divorce

pejoco0_2

Wife divorcing on grounds of "unreasonable behaviour", which if I argue my case in court will only cost me money which I can I'll afford, and won't change the outcome she'll still divorce me anyway. We've two daughters 19 & 16yrs who still live at home with their mother, as I had to move out or risk being barred from 100yds of the house or wife n daughters. It sounds so dramatic but isnt really. My wife states that she only wants what she's entitled to and no more. We both work and throughout or married life I earned roughly twice as much as wife (nett). So the bills where paid without problems from our joint account, into which both our incomes were paid. However in more recent years we came to an agreement whereby I worked out the total amount needed to cover our expediture, and dividing it into three parts I paid 2/3rds and the wife paid 1/3rd, from our seperate bank accounts into the joint account. Over the years she has benefitted from my income and I've benefitted from hers.
Her income is such that she is using legal aide, but as I understand it she may have to repay some or all of her costs upon settlement of the divorce from her settlement, or they may try to claim her costs from me. I've also received a letter from the courts asking if I'm willing to pay for my wife's court costs.
However now that she's instigated divorce proceedings she's telling me that her solicitors advise her that she shouldn't settle for anything less than 2/3rds the equity in the house and half the equity/difference in my pension. This it seems is compensation for loss of my future earning capacity. UH!!
This seems a little unfair to say the least, as over the years its quite obvious that I've contributed twice as much income as her, into the financial pot. On those figures she would end up with £80,000 (house equity) and £26,000 (CETV pension settlement). I don't begrudge her 50% of everything, which on my calculations would mean. She would receive £60,000 (house) and £26,000 (CETV pension). She states that she doesn't want to stay in the marital home after we're divorced and can't afford to anyway. I'd like to buy her out of the house as part of the divorce settlement and this would give her a large cash lump sum to put down as deposit on another house. She won't agree to my offer as above as it would mean buying a house of lower value to the current one and I fear she will hold out unless she gets the deal that she wants.
When I first moved out (March 06) I continued to pay my 2/3rds of all the bills as before. But without access to use of the facilities of the house etc I considered this once again a little unfair so I approached my wife and discussed the matter with her. Asked if she would transfer all the relevant household bills over into her name, most of which she did. I also informed her that I thought it only fair that I should only pay 50% (= £430) of the monthly morgage, which she got very upset about. I do so to protect my credit rating for when I apply for a new morgage myself. I also went onto the CSA website and using their own calculations tool was able to calculate how much I should be paying for our youngest daughter (16yr old who's still in education 6th form) as the eldest is working. CSA tool stated that I should be paying £263 monthly (actually paying £270).
I've had to move back to my parents for the time being and I'm trying to clear my credit card debts.
I dread each passing day as the post drops on the mat as to what it will bring (court orders/decree's etc).
Am I being unreasonable again???? Have I done right? My wife states there's no chance of reconcilliation despite my hopes and wishes and undertakings to be more considerate. My relationship with my daughters has become strained to the point whereby they don't wish to physically see me anymore and don't wish for us to stay married even if we could sort out the problems between us. All I can see happening is that, with the reduced funds available to my wife it will be seen by my daughters as dad continuing to be unreasonable. .............. Can anyone help! has anyone gone through something similar.......... hope you haven't fallen asleep half way through, as its a bit heavy!!! I know.

silvercar

while you have a child under 18 in full time education, the parent with residence would be entitled to a greater share of the equity in order to provide a home for the child. you may be better off letting your wife reside in the house for a couple of years and then share the equity equally.

Its all very well saying you earned more and should have more now. The marriage was an equal partnership and presumably your wife did more childcare/ homemaking over the years.

I'm sure you can rebuild your relationship with your children over time, they are both at a difficult age and your divorce adds to their stress.

welshcakes

Long post pejoco but you obviously needed to get a lot off your chest and as with every divorce where money and children are involved, there's a mountain of factors to think about.

Firtsly I would stop beating yourself up about whether or not you have been reasonable with regards to the finances - on the face of it you seems to have been more than resonable on your intentions and actions to continue support of the household to which your younger daughter belongs (and that I suspect is one of your priorities).

It is quite reasonable for the absent parent to stop paying utility bills on the family property as long as they are contributing child maintenance eaual to or above the CSA calculation. I hope you pay it by cheque so that you have proof lest she declare later that you never contributed - nothing should be done in cash once a divorce is on the cards.

Hopefully she had put all bills in her name however I wouldn't take her word for it and personally would write a standard letter to all suppliers requesting confirmation that your name has been removed from their records.

Unreasonable Behaviour is the classic get out citation for divorce and you are right, it is not worth arguing it, it will be granted. Have you received a copy of her divorce application yet? Not sure how you feel about solicitors but I can assure you that you don't need one on board just to fill in and return this first Notice to the court.

With regards to your higher income throughout the marriage, it is irrelevant, you aren't entitled to more out on the basis that you put more in - once it hits the bank, it was considered pooled by virtue of the fact that you had a joint bank account, were married with a joint house etc etc.

Regarding her legal aid, yes she will have to pay back from any settlement (it is taken out before the balance is sent on to her). If it is bigger than the settlement, normally a charge is put on any property she ends up with. Contrary to popular belief Legal Aid is a Loan from the public purse, not a freebie and I believe the interest rate on delayed repayment went up last year. Solicitors workingunder legal aid have a capped rate of fee so they are invariably cheaper by the hour than if one goes to them via the private client route.

Not sure why the court have written asking if you'd like to voluntarily pay the other parties legal costs, not come across this I'm afraid. This normally only happens in a judgement when costs awarded against you and you aren't asked but ordered to pay.

You probably already know that in divorce a joint mortgage, credit card, loan etc stays joint until it is paid off or transferred by mutual agreement or court order. So if someone pays off 50%, they are still liable for half of the balance. I presume you have informed your Lender and banks that you are divorcing?

Regards credit card debts that you are paying, I presume these are in your sole name? Anything in a sole name is regarded as 100% their own debt and disregarded in working out divorce settlement unless it can be shown that large purchases were made that constituted to the fabric of the family eg a conservatory, a car that other half has retained etc.

Please pm me if you have specific worries about the step by step process of addressing paperwork sent from courts/ solicitors. It's not as daunting as you think and from experience I promise you the courts are not out to get you or trip you up in anyway - court staff in fact are often a valuable and helpful source of information if you are unsure about any papers you receive from them.

hobo28

On the surface I would say your approach is reasonable. You say after so many years you don't begrudge 50-50 and I understand that. I agree.

Has she given any other reason as to why she wants 2/3'rds of the hosue other than "she thinks she can get it"?

pejoco0_2

hobo28,
she stated that her solicitors had advised her to go for half of my pension plus two thirds the equity in the house because of the loss of future income she'll miss out on, based on my salary in the years to come. I've told her her name with knobs on and that I'll only agree to 50% of everything. I also told her that by divorcing me she would be starting off something that she wouldn't be able to control as the divorce gathered momentum. Now our daughters and my elderly parents have fallen out with one another, and I doubt this will resolve itself because both sides are as stubborn as each other. If only my wife had listened to me and she'd agreed to try to resolve our differences, whilst staying together. I feared that this would happen and tried to get my wife to see the bigger picture, but hindsight I suppose is a wonderful thing.......... thanx for the input though everyone who has responded to my plight. still awaiting the big sinking feeling of decree nisi and then absolute. Does anyone know how long it should take?