Separation/Divorce

pixiedust02

Hi all,

My husband is in the armed forces and we currently live in Germany. We have two children, 7 and 3. I work part time for the army as a civillian. For some time our marriage hasn't been working and it's come to the point where I want to leave him, which would mean I would have to go back to UK and give up my job here. I haven't told him this yet, or anyone else for that matter. I know the army will let me stay in our married quarter for 90 days until I sort something out back home.. We do own a house I could go back to but it is near my husband's mother and 250 miles away from my parents. Therefore I would not want to go and live there as MIL would make my life hell. The house will probably be put up for sale if we split up and there is very little equity to speak of.

Based on all of this, is there any help I can get in the interim whilst I try to find a job back in UK to support us? I have no idea what we would be entitled to.

Thank you for any help.

EmmEve

You could get more than 93 days, if he goes into the block you can have a 93 day 'reconciliation' period. After those 93 days his PStat Cat will change to single and you will receive your notice to vacate. But, you still have another 93 days after this has been issued before you become an irregular occupant. So overall you can have 6 mths which gives you more time to sort yourself out.

With you being in Germany i believe you can ask for an SFA in an area of your choice for the second 93 days so you could come back to the UK. They should cover your removals costs (but i'm not sure if they would then pay removals again when you move from the SFA in the UK).

I'm not sure if you would be allowed to stay at the services Cotswold Centre if you needed too. You could give Army Welfare Service a call. They are nothing to do with the chain of command and everything is confidential. I've always found them to be really helpful.

Apollonia

Have a look at these documents for information:

http://www.aff.org.uk/linkedfiles/aff/housing/irregularoccupancyapr11.pdf

http://www.mod.uk/NR/rdonlyres/9E65A138-F74F-4B7A-AE79-055CD030514A/0/20110310MODReferralsFactsheetU.doc

Fergie76

EmmEve wrote: »

You could get more than 93 days, if he goes into the block you can have a 93 day 'reconciliation' period. After those 93 days his PStat Cat will change to single and you will receive your notice to vacate. But, you still have another 93 days after this has been issued before you become an irregular occupant. So overall you can have 6 mths which gives you more time to sort yourself out.

With you being in Germany i believe you can ask for an SFA in an area of your choice for the second 93 days so you could come back to the UK. They should cover your removals costs (but i'm not sure if they would then pay removals again when you move from the SFA in the UK).

I'm not sure if you would be allowed to stay at the services Cotswold Centre if you needed too. You could give Army Welfare Service a call. They are nothing to do with the chain of command and everything is confidential. I've always found them to be really helpful.

You can only have the cooling off period, if you are trying to work things out and there is a chance you might get back together.

If there is no chance of reconciliation, then it would be fraud to take period.

EmmEve

Well, the word 'reconciliation' is placed within apostrophes in JSP which suggests to me it's not necessarily meant literally. JSP also states the 'reconciliation' period is to 'assist' (again the word 'assist' is in apostrophes in JSP) but does not state that this assistance must be for the couple to attempt to get back together. But then we all know how open to interpretation JSP's are!

Ultimately Pixiedust has no say in when the pstat cat is changed anyway so she won't be comitting fraud if the 'reconciliation' period is put in place. I'd be very surprised if a soldier is allowed to waltz in and change his pstat cat overnight without any kind of reconcilition or cooling off period anyway. Unless of course they have been deserted.

notatvstar

I'm really sorry to hear about your situation, especially when you're so far away from home. You haven't really said how 'amicable' your relationship is with your husband, although stating that you want to leave him maybe is a combat indicator that you guys are probably not speaking. If the situation is that you and him are are still 'friendly' it may be worthwhile to talk about separation as an option so that he can go to his welfare NCO/officer and get 'local' info, unless things are really bad between you and a proper discussion is not possible. JSP regs (as far as I know) are usually worded pretty woolly and there's a lot of 'local' interpretation (i.e. what happens on one camp can be different to another), so it's always good to get 'local' advice as well as the 'general'.

There should be a 'Families Officer' as well that could help - although I'm not sure how 'secret' your feelings are and how your hubby may react. I do think, however, it'll be a good thing to talk to him about stuff, but again - I'm not sure how your relationship is and whether or not this is possible without severe recriminations for you and your children.

I wish you all the best.

Fergie76

EmmEve wrote: »

Well, the word 'reconciliation' is placed within apostrophes in JSP which suggests to me it's not necessarily meant literally. JSP also states the 'reconciliation' period is to 'assist' (again the word 'assist' is in apostrophes in JSP) but does not state that this assistance must be for the couple to attempt to get back together. But then we all know how open to interpretation JSP's are!

Ultimately Pixiedust has no say in when the pstat cat is changed anyway so she won't be comitting fraud if the 'reconciliation' period is put in place. I'd be very surprised if a soldier is allowed to waltz in and change his pstat cat overnight without any kind of reconcilition or cooling off period anyway. Unless of course they have been deserted.

Well be surprised then.

In my Service (not Army), we have to have to interview Personnel on Separation to decide what their new PSTAT Cat will be and depending upon what they say in that interview will determine if they are entitled to the cooling off period.

Ultimately it is not her decision, if they have a cooling off period or not.

EmmEve

No its not her decision, therefore she can't be committing fraud can she.

Fergie76

EmmEve wrote: »

No its not her decision, therefore she can't be committing fraud can she.

Correct, but if her husband says that there is a chance of thme getting back together just so they can get an extra 90 days in the MQ, he is.

ldonald101

Are you leaving the children with him, if not why not? It is your decision to leave/walk out and potentially the bottom of his world falling out since you haven't bothered to tell him. Were you planning to leave a note for him to find on his return from work/ops? He has a steady job, income and house- you on the other hand are walking into nothing therefore, it makes perfect sense for the kids to remain with him. Have you tried to save the marriage? You state you have not communicated with him, can I humbly suggest this is a good starting point as things will fester away making your lives miserable. I hope you get it sorted.

helsee

pixiedust speak to welfare, i have had turbulent times in my marriage- the life we lead can be very pressured- and there is help available. Relate in BFG are very good- and free! maybe take the option of him being in the block while you go through relate and try to work through things. They will guide you and your family through a break up if needs be, its not just about pushing you back together.

I's start by sitting down with your husband for a frank conversation- is he aware of how you feel? is there a major issue or have you both just gotten complacent? maybe its worth a try?