Emotional blackmail and bridesmaids?

Ravenlady_2

Help! I am being emotionally blackmailed in to have 2 extra bridesmaid, they're OH family so i think that's why her mum has assumed they will be asked but they're 19 & 21 and really don't fit in to my plans

I have my maid of honour, my 3 little flower girls and my 3 little page boys chosen already, fabric chosen and styles picked etc etc but its just the constant hint dropping that's doing my nut in.

sammy_wheeler

really sorry you are having problems

if you are really sure that you dont want them then clearly state it i think
remember its your wedding!

rubysmummy_2

i had the same problem - i originally wanted my friends as my bridesmaids but i got that much hassle from everyone saying you should have family etc - so i decided on my closest cousins to have - then i was told that they were too old. i settled on having the younger 3 (all above 16) who i do get on with but not what i originally wanted. If you really dont want them then stick to your guns, i wish i had.

i also had my OH asking why i hadnt chosen his sisters as bridesmaids as i had chosen his sister in law (she doesnt get along with OH's family) but she is one of my cloest friends and the only one who has really helped out with all the wedding stuff but i really stuck to my guns about this.

elvis86

Ravenlady wrote: »

Help! I am being emotionally blackmailed in to have 2 extra bridesmaid, they're OH family so i think that's why her mum has assumed they will be asked but they're 19 & 21 and really don't fit in to my plans

I have my maid of honour, my 3 little flower girls and my 3 little page boys chosen already, fabric chosen and styles picked etc etc but its just the constant hint dropping that's doing my nut in.

Put your foot down. You read so much stuff on here about families forcing people to compromise on what they want for their big day, and I just think it's really unfair.

It's your day, have who you want as bridesmaids.

Jeeez, where do these people get off? Not everybody wants 15 bridesmaids or feels the need to appease every single female relative under the age of 25 (both their own and OH's) by affording them a role in their wedding. My friend had a maid of honour, 3 adult bridesmaids, 4 child bridesmaids/flower girls and a toddler for a page boy. IMO it was a bit OTT and looked silly in the tiny church (it didn't help that none of the bridesmaids really knew what the hell they were doing, arrived 15 minutes before the bride and had already been mingling amongst the congrgation before making what should have been their dramatic entrance during the wedding processional!). Less is more!;)

laurarobby

tell them straight! im having my best friend and thats it (i dont have any sisters) but have cousins. and i think OHs aunt expected her 2 girls (age 15 &17) to be but i just said im only having one as she is the only female im close too (apart from mum) just say NO!

candygirl

Stick to your guns.I had my DD who was 13 at the time, and my godson who was nearly 2 and created a riot:rotfl::rotfl::rotfl:

RainbowDrops

As others say, to stop the hint dropping just clearly explain that you have already picked your BMs and made arrangements for them. The Mum might still be hinting because she hasn't had a definitive no from you.

Ravenlady_2

RainbowDrops wrote: »

As others say, to stop the hint dropping just clearly explain that you have already picked your BMs and made arrangements for them. The Mum might still be hinting because she hasn't had a definitive no from you.

They have had NO in every shape and form that I can think of.

My maid of honour reckons I should just be brutally honest and tell them its because they are proper gompers, my colour scheme is purple and ivory and I don't want to be followed down the aisle by Violet Beaurigarde and Barney.

Actually thats not the truth but would put a stop to the hint dropping.

Ok its a partial truth but my flowergirls look so sweet as they are and I think they are too old.

ellay864

Ditto to everybody else - YOUR wedding done YOUR way. Maybe remind them that traditionally the bridesmaids are family or friends of the bride, not the grooms!

macma

I agree with elvis86 it's YOUR day,why do so many people lose sight of this ?
My eldest sister had 5 girls from the childrens home where she worked I was only about 10 but even I thought that was right.I had 4 grown up girl friends and didn't even consider my sisters .
My daughter and her partner of 17yrs,mortgage,kids and 2 dogs...is finally going to tie the knot and as far as I'm concerned they could sneak off with a couple of friends in private or hire a cathedral and wear a meringue as long as it's what they want because it's their day and we love them both !
Stick to your guns.
good luck

marywooyeah

[/QUOTE=Ravenlady;46320357]
My maid of honour reckons I should just be brutally honest and tell them its because they are proper gompers, my colour scheme is purple and ivory and I don't want to be followed down the aisle by Violet Beaurigarde and Barney.

[/QUOTE]

:rotfl::rotfl::rotfl:
Seriously, if they've had No in every shape then they just need to drop it - how about "Would you really want to be a bridesmaid for someone who doesn't want you to be their bridesmaid?"
that should shut them up!
I was blackmailed by my MOH, who was my MIL too and certainly for me it has damaged our relationship - weddings are supposed to be happy events I don't know why people have to spoil them for others.