Depression

Tiff_2

mrcow wrote:

Just wanted to wish you a Happy Birthday for Sunday.

I had a baby back in January so haven't been on the site much but have been back online the last couple of days and have just read some of your recent posts and I'm so sorry to hear what a crappy time you've been having.

Please take care of yourself.

I remember when I was 20 in my second year university and feeling such a desperate failure that I took a whole bottle of prescription painkillers. The doctors told me after that I shouldn't have survived and I wondered for a long time why I had.

The thing is that you don't know what's in store in the future. Life has a habit of changing so much and a life that was once filled with nothing but stress and despair can be turned around and become unrecognisable.

That was 13 years ago.

I'm still the same person inside (and that person that OD'd will always be inside of me), but now I have three beautiful children who would never have been born had I been successful. I also have loads of friends that I have met over the past 13 years. Lives that have touched mine and I theirs, who I also would never have met. The world is such a larger and more accessible place to me now than it was 13 years ago.

Please reach out to those who can offer help and support. You've always come across as such a sweet person. Your life is precious and holds a future that no one is ever going to be able to predict.

Hi mrcow!:hello:
It was lovely to read your post - thanks for having the courage to share. :T
You are so right in that life can turn around. Nothing stays the same forever hun.
I guess that's why I'm still here - I'm waiting for the good bits!;) It's a battle but we have to keep fighting when times are bad and enjoying each minute of whatever happiness comes our way.
Take care hun.
Much Love,
Tiff xxx

Tiff_2

CCStar wrote:

I am so depressed

I should be asleep as I have a viewing tomorrow but I am so depressed and wound up.

The viewer didn't turn up tonight, claiming he broke down but we had to ring and find out. He said he would ring and arrange another appointment, rather than make one there and then. I feel he thought his wife had been too keen and would cause trouble. i would like to tell them to eff off tbh and really hope we find another person as keen, so we can say they are going to lose the place by playing silly beggars.

I am sick of their bad manners by turning up late the other night and not informing us they but they seem keen, though they do have a place to sell, but apparently it is the norm in Scotland.

Anyway that was annoying enough then we go out and when we get home, we settle and cuddle and he cuts out on me. Yes he is tired etc and it is annoying but on top of the bad treatment we have had given to us and the traumas this week/month I find things less tolerable. I don't need the level of upsets and feel I am going to end up having a near breakdown like I did back in 1983.

Every pleasure is getting ruined or going wrong. I am getting so wound up and stressed by it all. I am getting to the point I am too scared to get happy. I keep saying well that has passed, now things will improve, now I am sceptical, in February alone, some major sh*te has gone on!

We had this accident in Wales in 1983 on the first day of our holiday and ever since I have been a VERY jumpy passenger with EVERYONE who is driving! It is because it was on our holiday and supposed to be relaxing. It wasn't our fault but ever since I have felt anxious that something will go wrong or my OH will spoil it by withdrawing at a time we should be together. I was feeling so chilled on the night of the accident, it is like something telling me, if you relax, I will give u a fright or major stress.

Illogical or what but I feel if I get away from my OH, things will be more relaxed and less likely to go wrong. Every time I feel OK and together with him, he withdraws and it hurts. Can he be attracting the bad luck or is it the Labour party?, as since they have been in the bad luck has been immense!

I feel like running away and getting some pleasure. When we sell the house I can make a decision. I feel I need to be alone and rest and relax before I go nuts!

Hi cc!:hello:
How are you today hun?
Angel, I mean this with a lot of respect ok? When I read this post, a thought occurred to me.
Could it be, that for whatever reason you are wanting to run away, that actually you are trying to run away from yourself?
You sound so unhappy inside hun and yet your list is always about the external things, not your inner things. You seem so angery angel and I don't doubt that you've been through such a lot.
But as you know hun, you can't change the whole world around you cc - wherever you go, your pain and sadness goes too, no matter where you go. Sometimes, the best thing to do is to look inside and face ourselves. And that's really hard to do.
I worry about you feeling like this cc. If you feel as if you're going to break hun, please go and see the gp. It could be the start of setting you free. Take care hun.
Much Love,
Tiff xxx

Tiff_2

Hi guys!:hello:
My replies to karrie's and ms1980's posts made me remember something today. It's funny - or not - how people just tend to assume things.
For example, after I divorced OH due to the domestic violence, a neighbour asked me in a chat, what I was going to do now. I asked her what she meant and she replied that there weren't many 'black' men in the neighbourhood!
I told her that in fact I'd only dated one 'black' man and that I was looking for a warm, loving, funny, kind man and not a colour. She just assumed that i dated only that ethnicity. It's actually sad if you think about the assumptions people make - and who knows that better than us, right guys?!:rolleyes:
Whatever problems I have or haven't, I'm still a whole woman, still have a heart and feelings - you'll see - put a Chippendale in a sandwich for me and then just stand back!:D :rotfl:
Actually, I don't like lots of muscle - it's like cuddling a rock!:rolleyes:
Ummm, I think it's time for Tiffy's meds...! :rotfl:
Much Love,
Tiff xxx

Tiff_2

gillette147 wrote:

OK folkes,

I have never experienced a blacker time on here than last night.
I don't mean from me really - but from those posting. I almost felt ashamed to be posting on here as you all seemed to be playing Depression Top Trumps.

Christ RBK, Rosie and Ethel and the other people dealing with suicide. It's hard to hear let alone help people who have such large problems - but in my own little way I'd like to try.

No-one can tell anyone to feel a certain way. They feel how they feel. Sometimes understanding why helps, sometimes it doesn't. I feel I just can't say "But your whole life is ahead of you" because I know how that can feel meaningless to a person who feels despair.

I don't know if even I will ever be happy - so to promise it to someone else is nice but it's a potentially false hope. I myself have something inside me that deep down feels that it's worth carrying on. My current life is of little to no value but like a salmon I feel a compulsion to carry on.

We are all alone - Stay with me on this.
It always surprised me when people on here have partners who they love and who love them yet they are depressed. But I think this is because of my first statement. Maybe if you accept that you are alone then anything else is a bonus.

I have things I love. Music, igneous rocks, comedy and they give me moments of pleasure. I love nature and find it amazing. But I realise that you can feel like that and still feel your life is not worth living.

It is so hard to hear RBK and Rose talking about ending their lives. I know I don't know either of them. And the smokescreen of the written word reveals so little of the real person.

But I can tell you both that Hurt/Loss in whatever form does lessen with time.
I can tell you that life can flip in an instant from bad to good as well as from good to bad.
I can tell you both that you sound (and am sure are) fasinating and wonderful people.
I can tell you that life is 50% your attitude to it.

Life is a lottery and I guess some will never win. But we truely don't know the outcome. Pain is manufactured by the brain - it's not real. You have to give it a go. Faint heart never f-ed a princess. I don't mean go out there and carpe diem - but just fight and stay with it. I might end up marrying one of you. I'm joking - but none of us know what will happen.

Just try to go easy on yourselves. No-one is judging us - no-one that matters. That's the advantage of being alone maybe.

Ok, I'll shut up.
When I get this exam out of the way - I'll write you all a poem too.
I like creative writing and would love to do one now. But I really should revise.

I REALLY want to thank all of you on here.
I am humbled and touched daily by you all.
I could cry when I think about you all. Not tears of sadness. Just tears because I find it so touching that you are even here.

I would love to be a wonderful person one day. And it is so nice to meet some.

xxxx

Hi again gilly!:hello:
What a lovely post hun.
It's like I just posted, no matter who we are, what is wrong, we are entitled to a quality of life and to have happiness and love in our lives. We may not be able to see it on the horizon, but new people will come into our lives and that means the possiblities are endless. It shows that it doesn't have to be this way all the time.
Hearing that people on here, as poorly as we are sometimes, are finding love, happiness and relationships, gives me hope that maybe one day, there'll be someone there for me too.
Thank you for that guys!:T :A
Much Love,
Tiff xxx
Much Love,
Tiff xxx

Tiff_2

Guys lmfao - have to share this.
Just looked out of the window as I submitted the reply to gilly and what do I see? Two sparrows at it on my fence! Even the bloody sparrows are pulling!!!:rolleyes:
(Pardon my German - well, we can't blame the French for everything!:D )
Much Love,
Tiff xxx

Tiff_2

Time for Tiffy's catnap - I can tell because my keyboard is turning dyslexic! The letters aren't staying where they're supposed to be.:D
To sazzy (when she gets up bless her), ethel, elona, gem, l-t-d, gilly, beer, lrs, stenny, blinky, cc, rose, rbk, rm, pumpkin, bunnie, miro, qb, flis, mrcow and to our whole family, have an amazing day guys.
I think I'm now on page 39. :rolleyes:
Thanks for being so patient with me guys.



Must get my claws trimmed - no wonder the keyboard's going nuts! Do you know just how hard it is to type with paws?!:D
Much Love,
Tiff xxx

EthelBloggs

happy birthday RBK


xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

EthelBloggs

Tiff wrote:

Guys lmfao - have to share this.
Just looked out of the window as I submitted the reply to gilly and what do I see? Two sparrows at it on my fence! Even the bloody sparrows are pulling!!!:rolleyes:
(Pardon my German - well, we can't blame the French for everything!:D )
Much Love,
Tiff xxx

awww... spring has sprung and they're all getting twitterpated soo cute.. I got lots of squirrels in my garden and they're soo funny to watch too. They know the cat isn't fast enough to catch them so they tease him somethng rotten and he goes nuts, hehheehehe

Horasio

Tiff wrote:

Guys lmfao - have to share this.
Just looked out of the window as I submitted the reply to gilly and what do I see? Two sparrows at it on my fence! Even the bloody sparrows are pulling!!!:rolleyes:
(Pardon my German - well, we can't blame the French for everything!:D )
Much Love,
Tiff xxx

:rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl:

Horasio

Haven't read back so will post replies soon

Went out yesterday and actually had a stress free and nice day!:eek:

Waiting on another viewing, there is a strange story to this, again will reveal later.

Does anyone know how serious a collapsed lung is in someone of 50 years old, male and in good health?