Depression

rose07

ok filming it now

i will edit and post it and yas can see what ya think

rose07

in meantime here is a piccie i did a while back i remember someone saying they wanted to see them

photography

http://i109.photobucket.com/albums/n72/rose07_01/scenery/Slieauwhallian.jpg

painting

http://i109.photobucket.com/albums/n72/rose07_01/scenery/DSCN0651.jpg

xxxx

stenny_2

na night, everyone snuggle up

XXX

rose07

na night stenny xxxxx

as promised here is the video, not as good as most i have done as this is done quickly

http://s109.photobucket.com/albums/n72/rose07_01/?action=view&current=eclipse.flv

rose07

Tiff wrote:

Good morning my little passion fruits!:hello:

rose07 - sorry you're feeling poorly hun but stopping your meds like that is going to make things a lot worse.
Angel, no-one should stop taking their meds unsupervised or drink while on them either.
Sometimes we feel like exploding when something stops us from doing something important.
So hun, just take a few deep breaths, make yourself slow down and say to yourself, 'Right, how important is this problem? Is getting upset like this going to help anything apart from making me feel ill? Ok, I'll talk to dr tomorrow/whenever I can get an appointment. I've been taking these tablets for a while now so a few more days won't hurt until my appointment. I know I can call my care team in an emergency.'
It takes practice hun, but it'll take the pressure off you if you try it often enough..



Huge hugs to all!
Much Love,
Tiff xxx

Hi Tiff hun

Now how are you keeping?

I know hun, was a stoopid thing to drink with my meds, know that and a few other things now tho.

I have been having a tough old time of it lately

Weds this week i collapsed mentally, i was at my IT training, which is associated with the mental health team, but when i was doing my training i hadnt slept on tuesday night at all, so went in feeling awfully , so drained, shattered and physically and mentally in soo much pain, that its hard to imagine how im still standing, but i am , and i will continue too.

As i say i collapsed onto my keyboard the person in charge asked me if i was ok, and i realised i had to say no, and talk to them, they helped me get in touch with the CRT again, and yes i have thier number if i need it. A psychiatrist seen me and set me on a new set of meds, so this is a 3rd time lucky now with meds, but im doing my best.

But havin a breakdown within myself i got a reality check, i started to realise alot.

I have had alot on in the last few weeks, 3 of my mates have died, one from respiratory condition, one in a car crash and one died last week very unexpectantly, and she had a 2 year old child and was 20 , makes you realise what you have, and even for some it may seem there is no one, or that they are alone, it isnt true as there is always someone, there thinking of us.

Things at home have got more harder my sister moved out this week with her fiance, which i think is great, but now means i am the only one at home with my parents , i told them both that i want them to be happy, we all deserve to be happy. anyway its looks like they will now be splitting up, if not straight away, then on a trial seperation to start with, my mum and dad have already said they are not happy together, and i am trying to take this as a positive and in the best way i can, it was thier 25th wedding anniversary last week, and for all those years i know they have not been as happy as they could be. I believe that if something isnt right then you need to take the steps to make them right.

Last friday, my mate that ran away rang me, asking for help and to meet, i met him, but he was in such a bad state, broke my heart. He said he loved me and wanted to be with me forever , now this in itself brings up all kinda of emotions and stress, so i said no, but then that night he rang me, said he had taken an overdose and ended up in hospital because if he couldnt be with me then there is no point, this made more stress, he hung the phone up on me and i havent spoke to him since, but i know he is fine he is back at the psych ward where we met, did i mention he is in his 40s so nothin could have ever happened between me and him anyway.:o

This month is a bad one for me, my nana died on this month , on the 21st, now she was my best friend, my closest of all my family soo times are going to be tough, esp with things going on at home and times changing.

But the thing i have realised that somehow this week something has clicked inside of me, alot of self realisation, i realised i have to take responsibility for my actions, and that each action has a consequence, can be good can be bad, but its the way we deal with it that matters, we can get down hearted by it or carry on, im going to carry on.

I know alot goes on in this thread, i have been to hell and back and im still standing, i want to let you all know that even though through the worst times when you feel there is no hope, no point, and nothing worth going on for, there will be, you will all get there.

I am sooo not going to let my depression beat me, i have done everything possible to self destruct and been through an awful lot, but i am still here, and just too show all those people that have hurt, abused, upset, and annoyed me, i am going to do this, and i will be strong, it will take time and it will be tough.

But if i can make sure i look after me, be responsible for me, and take control of situations, and make sure i talk about things instead of them building up then each little thing is a baby step, (now thats one we all know from tiff)

Tiff come out from the duvet or i will have to get those lovely wellies i havent worn for a while

So everyone thanks for your support soo farr, i hope you can all keep listening, support, and advise little rosie here in anyway, and i promise to try and be more sensible

much love everyone

shattered now so off for sleep

hope you manage to sleep everyone

soz for the long rosie essay

xxxx

much love and huggles

learning_to_drive

Evening folks, been out all day, Bradford were beaten 4-1 by the bottom of the league !!!

Had a good night out with ex workers from sains, I will bounce back, my mates were pleased to see me out!

Rose, so pretty!!!!

Tiff_2

Hi karrie!
How are you hun? Welcome to the family. I didn't post yesterday.:o I wrote a War & Peace equivalent reply to your post and then the new computer froze!!! I was just too tired to start again.:rolleyes: Anyway angel, here's the short version - well...!:rolleyes:

:eek: TIFF MEGA-MEGA-MEGA POST WARNING!:eek:

My DS ( and I ) have been bullied.
I'll explain at this point why he was bullied. He was polite, helpful, friendly, and loved to dance and act and sing. They don't start school until 6 in New York and they don't teach football or cricket. So, of course, he was gay! Had to be!:rolleyes:

He's also bi-racial. If I hadn't been awake during the surgery to have him, I wouldn't have believed he was mine! He has his dad's 'afro'-type black hair but a lot softer, his skin's the colour of cafe latte, big brown eyes that get a blue circle around them when he cries (I'm blue-eyed blonde), and eyelashes that sweep down and are better than any mascara could give you!;) He looks Italian until he gets his deep tan in high summer. So he was good looking and also kind of clever.

After we moved back from the USA, he was just turning 7 and after 3 months at a very small primary school, the bullying started. Name calling, punches, group attacks, breaking his things, emotional cruelty, racism ( a group held him down & charged 50p a kick. DS managed to get up and punched the ringleader in the mouth, removing a tooth). DS got told off but nothing happened to the others - and all this at primary school!

We got moved and he started junior school. It wasn't long before the bullying started there too. Same thing - gay, racism, physical assaults, constant verbal abuse etc. Three bullies lived in the same street (not a good area) & they killed his 6 month old cat with a pellet gun, then waited until he came out and DS saw the cat and hugged him, crying. The boys came over to him with the pellet gun, laughing at him for crying!

As he was leaving junior school, we were moved again because the bullying was now going on in our street.
We moved in on September 11th. Bear in mind that even though we'd just left his dad due to domestic violence, our inlaws still lived and worked in New York, just as we had. Thank God they were all right!
Sadly the move given to us, was very near the senior school that all the dirtbags from the junior school would be going to also.

Again the bullying started at the senior school. Even the form tutor said that a lot of the kids were like animals and she wished she could slap them sometimes!

Emotional abuse, physical, left out of everything, beaten with sticks - you name it. DS was spat on, punched throughtout the day - in & out of lessons! - called names, had bikes ridden into him on the way to & from school, was pushed, beaten with a metal pipe and switches from the woods, pushed out of the lunch lines, called Taliban (ignorant fekkers couldn't even get the ethnicity right!), not allowed to walk on the path to his own house because he was 'black', smacked around the head and had belongings stolen.

The only thing the school could do was suspend the kids DS knew for a few days & then they'd be right back doing it more. If he didn't know them, he had to go through the students photobook at the school to ID them, because complete strangers, even in the upper school were doing it to him.

The final straw came when DS was assaulted over 40 times in just under 7 weeks! I removed him from the school and he was put into the next nearest senior school, which had more racial variety. The bullying & gay thing continued. The worst thing happened to him then. A group of the kids in school tried to set fire to him.

DS refused to go to school anymore. He was getting very low naturally. It didn't seem to matter what we did, the poor kid's hell was getting worse each time.

We were moved across town to a nice area and due to my appeal to the panel, he was accepted into the full best school in the area. He reluctantly went. He was depressed, waiting for it all to start again. He sat under a stairwell at lunchtimes and cried.
My son threatened suicide.

BUT! The new school were amazing! They got him sessions with a staff counsellor, who informed the teachers in private - even DS didn't know this. He began to make friends and working hard.

Last year, he left with 10 GCSE's (7 between A & C), a diploma in computer systems support from a day release scheme at the nearby college, he also took a GCSE in Performing Arts ~ Dance there. Because I had no money, DS had never had an acting or dancing lesson in his life. It was the first time the course had been done there, he was the only male and he came out with an A. He auditioned with the local am-dram and got the lead role of 'Tyrone' in "Fame - The Musical!" and he was tipped for the West End by the local paper and had a great review. He was also a prefect. He won the school drama award every year. He started to hold little dance sessions in school for anyone, for fun. At the Prizegiving Night in late October, he was given his exam certificates and also won three cups, including ones for the Highest Attainment in Drama and one for The Most Outstanding Contribution to Performing Arts.

DS now travels 2 hours on a college bus each way, every day, to attend Stratford-upon-Avon College where he was accepted to study for The National Diploma in Performing Arts (in acting dancing and singing) and is getting mainly distinctions and merits. And yes - I am bloody proud of him!

So what's the point? I hear you cry - as well as Shut up Tiff!:rolleyes: The point karrie is that I couldn't give up. With a few Tiff letters and the following actions, we turned it around. Here you go hun - knowledge is a wonderful friend sometimes.;)

-Document every call, event, action. Times, dates, and names.

- Involve the police. This is what I did. It is not bullying (sounds so harmless) it is assault, aggravated assault, racism, actual bodily harm, theft to name but a few. It is a real crime and the police will take it seriously,whether at home or school.

- I believe it's either 8 or 10 years old, a child is responsible for any criminal act. They can be interviewed and cautioned and if it gets worse will be charged with the above crimes.

- The school has a legal duty to protect your child and provide a safe learning environment. They can be sued if they fail.

- Tell the appeal panel that he cannot go to that school because his physical and mental welfare is at serious risk
there due to the bullying. They have the authority to place him in a full school as they did with DS. It also helps to point out in your letter that though they are full, the local education authority will fund his education at the school so their resources won't be affected.

- You should make the school he's supposed to go to aware of what's happening. There are counsellors available to students. That school will be responsible for the students' actions.

- Any supporting letters from your health team will help angel. I provided this and it is relevant. Involve your mental health team and gp.

- Inform your local MP and your local education authority as to what's happening. CAB can also help with advice. There are numerous bullying helplines you can google for, angel.

I know how upsetting this is for you as his mum karrie. To hear my DS threaten suicide seriously, will chill my soul forever. But you have got options hun.

Guys, I'm really so sorry to have posted another Tiff Chronicle and tbh, I feel embarrassed - sorry!:o
I promise to look up the word 'short' today.;) I just wanted to show how bad it can be ad that you can win! Hope this helps a bit hun.
Good luck karrie!
Much Love,
Tiff xxx

Tiff_2

Hi guys!:hello:
Hope everyone's safe and sound. I haven't even read through the posts yet - don't know where to start!:o

First though...

rbk!

I hope you have a really great birthday hun.:T
Much Love,
Tiff xxx
PS - See - I can do short!

Tiff_2

moneysaver1980 wrote:

Does anyone ever recover from depression? i've been reading a while and no- one seems any better. Or do people leave once better? is AD's the only way to go and stay on them for the rest of your days?

Do we think alcohol is the cause of alot of our problems? how many people drink here? Is debt the biggest cause here? Do people have bad things happen and thats why? Do all people that have bad things happen get depressed? Do we think we could just snap out of it and stop being self pitying? Is self pity (Poor me) what depression is?

Some questions to ask ourselves.

Hi ms!
You could have been eaten by the lions for this post angel!:rolleyes:
Thanks for posting though hun - it's good to reflect on the big picture sometimes.
Y'know, I don't actually know what to tell you ms. Some of the things you wrote (with good intentions I'm sure!) would be the last thing that someone suffering - and it is suffering! - from depression would want to hear.

There are different kinds of depression hun. They happen to different people, affecting them in different ways, for different reasons, and need different answers. I'm not being a smarty pants here angel.;) Also, some of us here don't just have depression. Some have it as well as other mental ill health issues or even with physical ill health. Some have other mental ill health that's not depression. Like any other illness hun, it comes with no guarantees one way or another. So you see hun, there's no blanket answer.

I say look at it like this, if it was just a harmeless illness or all in the mind (no pun intended:rolleyes: ), a lot of people would still be alive today that have committed suicide.
If it were only as simple as your points hun, there wouldn't be psychiatrists or medications at all.

And I guess, the very fact that this thread is so popular shows how common mental ill health is. We are still allowed to love and laugh, as anyone else does, even though we're ill. I hope when you were reading, that you didn't miss the friendly banter and funny bits that we share. I also hope you didn't miss that this thread is alive with warm, loving, sharing souls who help each other and give great :money: advice too, despite what they've been through!;) :T
I don't know what I'd do without them. They're amazing.:A
Much Love,
Tiff xxx
Hope this helps in some way angel.

Tiff_2

gillette147 wrote:

Health and Safety.
It's simplicity is it's problem.
I can name all (most) the acts and regs with their years - I can do facts (to a point). It's when it get's waffly that I struggle.

I should have known - I'm a scientist not a management sort.
I don't even know what to learn....
The syllabus says one thing, the course notes say something else, and the exam questions seem to be a different beast again.

I feel I want to study it myself and find a different order to it all but I don't have the time and it still might not work.
I got a degree, so I used to be able to remember and understand stuff - but that was 20 years ago.

It just isn't happening - I can't make huge lists of things to learn - to replace what is just coming to people that have a natural aptitude for it.

Everytime a question say list 6 things - I can think of 2 if i'm lucky.
And the average pass mark for these things is 60-70%!!!

Sorry bout this....all my family and g/f are out of contact and I need to panic.

xx

Hi gilly!:hello:

Well angel, ethel and elona and the guys have given you brilliant advice.:T
You've actually given yourself the answer angel - you're in a panic. You are an intelligent person and very articulate. Going in, in a state of panic and dread will become self-fulfilling prophecies angel.:o

Imho hun, you can't revise because you are too stressed out, worrying about the big picture. Your mind can only take so much in at a time hun.

Sorry if I sound like I'm preaching hun - I don't mean it like that.
Break it down - timetable yourself gilly.
'I'll do this and nothing else between 9am and 10 am.' Give yourself a half an hour's panic time and no more. Talk yourself into this - 'Right, that's panic time over with - that's enough now.' - and then do something that makes you feel better, something you like, a treat, a complete break. Then it's back to the schedule angel to study another part for an hour. But not any more panic sessions - they're addictive little nasties!:o I've said all this because it might help to give you that sense of being in control of things hun, which will calm the panic down.

And gilly hun, you can only do what you can do. Go do the exam. Try not to build it up as a really big thing though I know it's important to you. You've been a poorly badger hun and yet you're still trying - and succeeding!:T I'm thinking of you hun.
Much Love,
Tiff xxx