Major Rant - but I NEEDED to let off steam to like-minded people :)

spoonymoose

Arghhhhh! Major rant alert!


This time about my sister – I haven't actually seen her since probably May and she hasn't been the most helpful sister in regards to wedding planning.


Let me give you a bit of background information and then I might not seem as much of a control freak as I probably would first appear. My sister met her husband after I met my H2B, they got engaged around 6 months after getting together but it took them about 6 years to get married. They were planning on having a great big celebration, bringing both families together for the celebration. Fast forward to probably 10 months before the big day – arguments with my parents had erupted mainly over numbers at the wedding - our family is pretty small due to various fallings out with other members of the family and his family is huge so my parents wanted my future in-laws to attend the wedding, which my sister objected at due to the price they were paying for guests (around £65.) Cue me being brought into the argument (because they are my future in laws, it was me who wanted them there and I had “said” that I wouldn't turn up to her wedding if they didn't – complete lie on my mother's part to backtrack her way out of the situation.)


Strangely enough, my sister cancelled the wedding because of all the arguments – me? I tried on the dress which she requested me to (didn't like it, but it was her wedding and I did the dutiful thing of sending the requested picture of me in it so she could see.) However, my sister then called me up, screaming down the phone that I was to blame for her cancelling the wedding – I had to fight to put my point across until she finally realised I hadn't done a thing.


In the end, my sister got married abroad – just the two of them, if I could have been there I would have (it was the week before half term and I'm a teacher so taking time off work is not “done”)


Fast forward to now when I'm getting married. My sister is being all bridezilla-ish and is refusing to wear the dresses the others have chosen, has gone out and bought shoes (which I have to pay for) without me seeing them (since I'm paying, I surely have a say right?) What annoys me is I have one lovely bridesmaid who is very petite and shorter than the rest – my sister's heels are 5 inches! Bigger than mine...


She called me up to say I owe her money for the shoes – which annoyed me, especially when my mother takes her side, which is what happened when I came up to see her to specially go dress shopping with her – basically it ended in my mum telling me to “f**k off and get married abroad cos I'm not f**king coming to your b*st*rd wedding” - needless to say I ran out of the shop crying. (Oh and she wants a dress which is more than £60 – she didn't like the material of the dress I chose, yet add another £60 a dress of the same material and then she thinks it's really nice!)


Oh and whilst we're on the subject of my mum – she wanted her friend to come to my wedding, myself nor my OH get on very well with him, but she chose to bring up the subject of asking if she could invite him to the wedding whilst he was sat in the living room with us! Talk about put me on the spot – but I stayed strong and said no, we hadn't sorted the guest list out and we had to sort out the important people first.


Anyways back to my sister, she's coming over this week to my parents and I am dreading it – she's being a cow, she hasn't helped one bit yet my mum is allowing her behaviour to be justified saying “well she is the maid of honour so she has to look different” - no she !!!!!!!' isn't the maid of honour! She is a bridesmaid, they are all equal and special to me and I am the important woman on that day, not her.


I want to ask her to step down as bridesmaid as I know this will make my life a lot easier, but I know that my mum will take her side and shout abuse at me (me and mum have never really gotten on due to me finding out a few things in the past when I was growing up.) My sister is making me soooo mad, and I think she's being awkward on purpose so that I too go abroad and get married with just the OH and no-one else like she did, I think me getting married isn't making her the green eyed monster and to be honest SHE is the one making me think doing a runner would be a great idea but my OH, his lovely family and my other lovely bridesmaids are making me want to go through with it, without her as an important part of it.


Apologies for the long rant, I don't know what I expect you to reply with, maybe some words of comfort? Maybe some ways in which I can tell my sister that I don't want her as a bridesmaid? All I know is, it felt good to get it off my chest!

RainbowDrops

Wow.
I don't really know what to suggest other than trying to sit down with your Mum & sister to try to tak things through.
Explain to them that you hoped that they could support you through your wedding rather than cause you more stress.
But maybe consider if they are stressing you out too much that you might have to exclude them from your planning.

Explain to your sister that you have a budget for dresses etc. Tell her as everyone else has aggreed then it's the dress of choice, or sort herself out. And if she's chosing shoes, she can pay up herself!

I wouldn't worry about her heel height - sounds like the least of your worries. There was probs a foot difference in height for my BMs, and the tales one wore the highest heels, but it's no big deal!

stationaryace

and breathe!


I know exactly how I would want to unask your sister to be a bridesmaid but they wouldn't be particularly helpful in the long run. I think you just need to learn to say no and stick to it - that's what I'm finding anyway.


If you feel your sister is trying to push you into having a wedding abroad by being a moo and pulls your mum into this, worst case scenario they don't turn up and you have your wedding with the people who want/ you want to be there. Do you think they would still come to the big day if your sister was removed from the bridal party and they simply became invited guests (no more involvement in the planning)?

codemonkey

awww spoony. As someone who has recently just dealt with rubbish siblings and family wars over a wedding you have my sympathies :hugs: Why do families think they have the right to be so demanding.

Not sure what to suggest tbh. My bridesmaids were pretty much told, this is what you are wearing, here are your shoes, you must wear them for the photos then you can do whatever you want. I did let them have a say (e.g one wanted to cover her arms so i got them shrugs, and I'm not too bothered what they do with their hair), but I did make it clear that I am the bride and I get the final decision. Maybe you need to do that with your sister and if she throws a fit and says she doesn't want to be your bridesmaid, so much the better.

spoonymoose

stationaryace I think my sister is looking for a reason not to come/make things worst. I do think that if I made my sister just a normal guest, my mum would take the huff as would my sister.

My mum raised the question of her friend coming to the wedding again - I stuck to my answer and said no (I'm usually one of these people who tends to say whatever makes the least fuss.)

I did write the rant last night but couldn't post it, but I did feel much better...

RainbowDrops, I'm going to inform my sister that I will not pay for the shoes and I shall suggest that the others find shoes which they are happy with - it's probably easiest as they are dotted around. I've just gotta practice saying "I am not paying for anyone's shoes" a million times so when my sister turns up I will be prepared.

I just need to remember that if it's a week before the wedding and she hasn't got a dress it is not my problem... I think I'll record this and play it in my sleep and then I'll start to really believe it! :rotfl:

spoonymoose

Thanks codemonkey - I think I'm used to being so quiet and my sister is used to getting her own way that they think they can do whatever. I am going to stand my ground... And I will have a successful day, with or without my sister.

MrsDrink

((hugs))

Weddings! Don't you just love them!

This is another thread where my heart would tell you to get married here, with your OHs family, and all your friends around you (and any family of yours who can behave themselves). Cut ties with your sister and mother. Sod them! You've already said you aren't particularly close to your mum. But then my head says no don't do that - there will be a big fall out and it will hang over you for the rest of your lives.

I have absolutely no words of advice as to how to make this whole situation any better. Part of me thinks to keep the peace - let her wear what she likes (within price reason), but make sure the photographer 'accidently' takes a few snaps of you and your bridesmaids without her.

I don't envy you at all!

mildred1978

codemonkey wrote: »

: Why do families think they have the right to be so demanding.

.

Or on the other hand, why do brides think they have the right to be so demanding?

OP , I speak with experience here. I've been married for 8 years. Focus on the things you'll remember about your wedding day (a small proportion after a couple of years) and ease up on the rest. Noone else will notice (or care) whether your chairs are covered, how high anyone's heels are, or what colour your knickers are. Plan your marriage and view the day as the start of that

elvis86

Wow. Your mother sounds like a complete nightmare. Has she learnt nothing from her meddling in your sister's wedding?

I don't know what to recommend, I can't imagine having a mother who would ever speak to me like that, let alone about something as important as my wedding, at a time that I should be feeling happy and excited.

You poor thing.:(

codemonkey

mildred1978 wrote: »

Or on the other hand, why do brides think they have the right to be so demanding?

OP , I speak with experience here. I've been married for 8 years. Focus on the things you'll remember about your wedding day (a small proportion after a couple of years) and ease up on the rest. Noone else will notice (or care) whether your chairs are covered, how high anyone's heels are, or what colour your knickers are. Plan your marriage and view the day as the start of that

ermm in my case, because I'm paying :rotfl::rotfl:

Love your second paragraph though. Spot on. I honestly can't remember anything about the weddings I've been to recently - table decorations, and bridesmaid's shoes aside. If my bridesmaids turned up in different shoes I probably wouldn't notice, but I don't get many chances to be bossy so I'm making the most of it!!

spoonymoose

Many of your words echo that of my OH's... He reminds me about what's important and on the whole I've enjoyed the planning - his mum and family are lovely. His family have offered to help us with various aspects of the wedding...

I would just love a bit of their enthusiasm and excitement (and acceptance that it's our day) to rub off on my family. I think because his family are so accepting that it makes my family's "issues" stick out a hell of a lot more than what they would normally.