Best friend diagnosed with Brain Tumour

Bow

Hi all,
Over the last week our world has been turned upside down by the diagnosis of my best friends brain tumour. She is 33 and has a partner and 2 children aged 11 and 2. She has been told that the tumour will be operated on over the next few weeks and hopefully as far as they can see is not cancerous.
She has been in and out of hospital for the past week. Her partner has obviously been with her so has had to take time off work. She has been told that until the tumour is removed and she is given the all clear that she is unable to be left alone. Although she has plenty of family and friends around to support her and her partner he obviously wants to be with her and the children.
Can anyone tell me where he stands in terms of leave from work?
He has spoke with them and kept them informed with the situation and today went in and saw his boss. His boss has told him he will need to take any leave he needs as annual leave. As we are totally unsure of what the outcome of the surgery will be we are not in a position to even guess at how long he may need to be there to care for her as well as the children?.
If the time he needs goes over his annual leave entitlement what if anything will they be entitled to?
He is worrying about all of this at a time he really doesn't need any extra stress so i am hoping someone on here may be able to give me some advice i can pass on.

Thank you for any replies
Bow xx

gratefulforhelp_2

Oh dear, the employer doesn't sound hugely supportive.

I think there is entitlement to unpaid time off to care for dependants, but that's not a long term prospect.

Is he in a union?

eta from direct gov

Taking time off for a dependant

Letting your employer know about taking time off

You can take time off regardless of your length of service. If you do need time off you should let your employer know as soon as you can, although you don't have to do it in writing or provide evidence.
If you return to work before you have had the chance to contact your employer, you must still tell them why you were absent.
How much time you are allowed to take off

You are allowed 'reasonable' time off to deal with the emergency and make any arrangements that are needed. There's no set amount of time allowed to deal with an unexpected event involving a dependant - it will vary depending on what the event is but for most cases one or two days should be sufficient to deal with the problem.
For example, if your child falls ill you can take enough time off to deal with their initial needs, such as taking them to the doctor and arranging for their care. However, you will need to make other arrangements if you want to stay off work longer to care for them yourself.
If both parents wish to take time off for a dependant you should try to adopt a common-sense approach with your employer. Both parents may need to take time off work if your child has had a serious accident, however it is unlikely to be necessary if the childminder fails to turn up.
There's no limit to the number of times you can take time off for dependants, provided it's for real emergencies. If your employer feels that you are taking more time off than they can cope with, they should warn you of this.
If you need to be off for longer than you thought to deal with something, contact your employer as soon as you can to let them know why and how long you might need. Try to give them these details in writing as soon as you can. Your employer may have a form they will need you to fill in.
Being paid for your time off

Your employer doesn't have to pay you for time off for dependants but they may choose to do so. You can check your contract of employment to see if there's a policy about this.

• Your contract of employment

Keeping disruption to a minimum

Try to cause as little disruption to your employer as possible. For example, if your mother's day carer has unexpectedly quit, try to get other family members to look after her instead of you while you look for a replacement.

When the right doesn't apply

Problems not involving a dependant

You don't have the right to time off for every problem. A burst boiler at home or problems with your dog don't count as neither involves a dependant.
Time off to care for people who don't count as a dependant (accompanying a friend to hospital for example) aren't covered. Your employer can still choose to allow you time off if they wish or you might take some of your paid holiday. If it happens regularly, it may be more useful to consider using a flexible working arrangement.

• Read more about flexible working

When you know about the problem in advance

The right only covers emergencies and so doesn't apply if you know about the event in advance. For example, if you want time off to take your child into hospital in a week's time the right doesn't apply, although you may be able to take it as parental leave instead.

RAS

Sadly, a lot of firms only offer the minimum support legally required. Has he checked his HR web-site.

He could be entitled to nothing or maybe a few days paid leave. Some firms will allow unpaid leave.

Can he ask the doctor what support is available as she plainly needs care?

elsien

He could also put in a request for flexible working in the longer term, depending on the job that he does. They don't have to grant it, but they do have to give it serious consideration.

RAS

elsien wrote: »

He could also put in a request for flexible working in the longer term, depending on the job that he does. They don't have to grant it, but they do have to give it serious consideration.

The trouble with that is that legally, once he has accepted the new hours, he has no right to return to the old ones when she is well.

Molly41

I pnce looked after a woman who became very ill after childbirth. Her husband was signed off sick with stress rightly or wrongly?

teasleym

When my baby daughter was admitted to hospital earlier this year, our doctor signed my husband off for a month, as he knew the stress of it was making us all ill, and he knew I'd need help from my husband when my daughter was discharged from hospital to get used to giving her medication, new food, new routines etc.
I'd advise your friends husband to speak to his gp, if they know what's going on with the family, they might be able to help.

browneyedbazzi

Employers seem to vary a lot on this sort of thing - some offer a little bit of paid compassionate leave, others will let you take unpaid leave.

A friend of mine's mother was diagnosed with cancer and required constant support. Her employer allowed a few days of compassionate leave but it wasn't anywhere near enough. Her contract included full pay for sickness absence up to six months so she ended up being signed off with stress (perhaps she was capable of work and shouldn't have been signed off, but I think she'd have been a nervous wreck and ended up having a breakdown if she had tried to carry on working while looking after her dying mom and her kids etc). She had a really good record with regard to sickness absence so the one long-ish period of sick leave (I think she had about 8 weeks in the end) didn't have a big affect or cause any problems.

I wish your friend a quick recovery x

Desperado99

I know that this will be of no use to you, but when my mum was terminally ill (she died 4 months after first being taken ill), my dad took time off to care for her and was paid his basic wage for the whole time he was off (he was a lorry driver so would normally get nights out on top etc). Initially they said that after 3 months he would drop to sick pay but they never did. He returned to work 6 weeks after she died (so he had nearly six months off in total).

I suppose I'm just writing this as an example of how employers can be.... we know that dad could have been treated far worse.

Gratefulforhelp's post is excellent.

If he isn't in a union, and his firm has a shop steward, you may find that they will be willing to help anyway (I have had help in the past from a union when I was not a member)and of course there is always citizen's advice.

I did a quick google search and there are a few brain tumour charities, which maybe able to help.
http://braintumourtrust.co.uk/helping-you/patient-support/

Marie Curie were excellent with mum, and were able to provide night-time care for her (at home) so dad could have a proper night's sleep.

Best wishes

Amanda65

So sorry to hear about your friend and hope for everyone's sake she recovers as quickly as possible.

I found this charity http://www.braintumouruk.org.uk/supporting-you
- they may be able to offer your friend's OH some advice and support about his rights

redwineguzzler

Couldn't just read and run - My heart goes out to your friend. I would suggest that he gets signed off with stress for as long as possible. At present my son who has come back home to live is having chemotherapy at the moment for a brain tumour - sadly his is malignant, but every moment, good and bad is very precious to us.
I wish your friend and family all the very best. xxx