2nd wedding selfishness?

tod123

Is it selfish to expect people to travel from far and wide, buy presents etc for a 2nd wedding after they have already done it all once?

shellsuit

If the 2nd wedding is within a couple of years than the 1st, then Yes

Kittendreich

Depends very much on the circumstances. It was my OHs second wedding and my first - it was over 20 years since his first wedding which he had as a daft 20 year old and it only lasted 6 months. Only his family and a few friends even remember the first one so we didn't change our plans at all because of it.

As a guest I sometimes feel a big, fancy wedding is a bit odd if both have been married once (or more!) before - especially if it is recent. A 'mistake' a long time ago is different to someone who has serial marriages!

There is also the viewpoint that you should never expect guests to do anything - you choose how you want to be married and if people you want with you can't come then decide if that is a compromise worth making!

floss2

I don't think so....there were people who attended my first wedding who were invited to my second wedding (26 years later!) - we didn't force them to attend. Likewise wedding gifts - we already have enough stuff for 2 homes so didn't need or want anything but guests generously gave us gift vouchers anyway.

BTW, it wasn't my first wedding but it was my husband's only wedding

sharpee

I think its totally dependant on the situation.

My Mum remarried, 36 years after her first marriage. She have 16 to the ceronmony and wedding breakfast and 150 to the evening do!
:beer:
My H2B has been married before (10 yrs ago) and we're having a small wedding mainly due to: both parents are divorced so can't invite them all, he's been married before, his family are 15:1 to my family :eek: and we just wanted to make it more intimate.

Nothing wrong with a 2nd big wedding!

aworbey

IMO - If it's only your 2nd and your partner's first why should they not get everyone to attend the same as they did for your first. Just because you've been married before, he hasn't and I dont think it's selfish to expect people to travel. I have the same situation with my partner, her 2nd but my first, as everyone has said, it doesn't matter that she has been married before. There are lots of reasons why this could be your second, but at the end of the day it's the first time they have been invited to yours and your partner's wedding so I would expect them to come if they could.

Minimoo24

Maybe you could just make up some poem for the invites, saying you dont expect presents second time around, but that depends on the sitaution for the second wedding really.

antrobus

It's selfish to expect people to travel from far and wide, buy presents etc, for any wedding.

You can but invite those people who you would either like to attend, or you believe you think you ought to invite. Whether they actually want to turn up and give you anything is entirely up to them.

danielley

As antrobus said, just invite who you want, those who want to attend will, and if they want to give a gift , graciously accept it.

purple.sarah

I've never understood this attitude, it's the couple's first wedding so why shouldn't they celebrate? I don't think a true friend worth a wedding invitation would say 'I'm not going to celebrate with you or spend a few quid on a gift because you've been married before,' especially since a marriage breakdown is very difficult and deeply personal and they should just be glad to see you happy again!

That said it's rude to expect a gift anyway, for a first or second wedding, people will give what they want to and can and they shouldn't feel that's why you're inviting them. But it's not rude to register so if guests want to give you a gift they know where to get something you want not another toaster! I think that's particularly important with a second wedding by which stage you probably have all the homeware you need!

coolcait

tod123 wrote: »

Is it selfish to expect people to travel from far and wide, buy presents etc for a 2nd wedding after they have already done it all once?

Hello, tod. Haven't seen you on this part of MSE before.

I'd go along with the view that you can't expect anyone to travel from far and wide etc for any wedding. antrobus's post really says it all for me.