Need a lot of help re: getting custody of dog

candykisses

My Story

Lived unmarried with ex until 2009
Rescued a dog (Toby) in 2006
Split from ex in 2009 and bought my own place
Wouldn't let me take Toby, so we have "shared ownership"
Toby stays with me 4 days then ex 4 days

My ex was abusive to me, which is why I left him.
He is a control freak, which I think partly why he wants to continue this sharing Toby business, as it's his last bit of a hold over me.

Toby is now 7 years old.
When we rescued him he was very dog aggressive and my ex didn't want to get involved in any of the training - I spent hours of my time rehabilitating and socialising Toby to get him to where he is today.

My ex won't speak to me about Toby - when I drop Toby off and pick him up, I need to know things like if Toby has had his flea treatements/worming etc but he won't tell me, he either ignores me or uses swear words.

I tried to find out if Toby is up to date with jabs etc in the vets but my ex has been in there and changed Toby into his name. It was previously in my name and my old address. It's now in my exes name and my old address, so they won't give me any information on the account. How the hell am I supposed to know if Toby needs jabs etc? I thought about registering him at a different vet in my name and address but I still won't know what treatment he needs.

The insurance direct debit is still going through my exes account - it used to be a joint bank account. When I left he took my name off the bank account (understandably) and apparently rang the insurance and took my name off and put into his name, so I have no insurance if something happens to Toby when he's with me. Toby was diagnosed with hip dysplasia after we rescued him and the lifetime insurance we had covered that, so if I get my own insurance for Toby, I won't be covered for pre existing condtions such as his hips.

My ex ripped me off with £4000 when I left him, a verbal agreement was made for him to repay £100 per month. He stopped that after a year when he found out I had a new chap. He only ever paid in cash and refused to pay into my bank. He also wouldn't take money towards Tobys insurance - although in effect my £4000 has taken care of that for the rest of his life.

Since I left him, my ex got a border collie puppy. According to neighbours, that dog is crated all day and he just goes home at lunchtime to let it out for an hour. Toby is also stuck in most of the day when he has him on weekdays.

When I have Toby, my retired mum looks after him most of the time when I'm working. I also have a new partner who walks him etc.

The original adoption certificate is in my name, but apparently counts for nothing when it comes to ownership.

The microchip is in my name but under my old address, so I want to update this. I've felt too intimidated to do it up until now in case they write to confirm correct with my ex.

Basically, I've had enough and the whole thing making my ill. Toby needs to be in one place. His behaviour hasn't altered since the split, but I know he could have a better life with me as there are more people to take care of him and I socialise him a hell of a lot. My ex is too nervous to take him in Pets at Home in case they see another dog.

I want to start the ball rolling to get Toby home with me. Not to have one over on my ex, because I don't give a toss about him, but I want to cut all connections to him and his childish antics.

Can anyone recommend a strategy please? Is this a small claims court job? Does anyone know of a solicitor specialising in pet cases?

My ex said to me that' I'd get Toby back over his dead body and that my terraced house is pokey with just a back yard and he's got a massive garden. I walk Toby every day two hours a day minimum so I can't see this as a problem. Then friends have said if I go to court I might lose Toby altogether, due to him having a bigger house and garden. (this is one reason I've been too scared to do anything re. custody up to now).

As Toby's getting older, it worries me him being back and to even more. I want to give him a stable environment, where I know if he's been walked, had his meds, etc etc.

That's why I'm trying to get a plan in place to maximise my chances. Is it possible a court would say to carry on as we are, sharing?


Why can't he just be happy with his dog and I have Toby?

Also, can I just point out before I get any replies please - I do not need anyone shooting me down in flames because I share my dog.

I went on another forum once for help about this and received replies telling me I was cruel sharing a dog and to give him to my ex and get myself another dog etc etc.

I have come on here for constructive advice - not judgement, so please could everyone keep that in mind. It's not an easy situation to be in and I would be so grateful for any help and advice you can offer. x

Mrs_P_Pincher

You can't get custody of a dog in the same way as you would of a child. At best he is an asset of the relationship.

I know how you feel because my control freak ex kept my dog when we split, but he did look after her and she did stay with me when he was away.

So there's no way you can negotiate with your ex, right? He's a control freak and a bully. So, you will have to make a decision and I think you've got two possibilities. The first is that you just let him have Toby and move on and the second is that you tell him he's not having Toby back, keep him, change the microchip, register him with your vet etc. If you do this the ex will make a lot of fuss because someone has called his bluff, but the Police won't get involved because you can show that Toby is yours (you adopted him, you got him microchipped), so if the ex wants him back, he'll have to find a way to take you to Court. Would he bother?

Mrs P P

Caroline_a

Mrs_P_Pincher wrote: »

You can't get custody of a dog in the same way as you would of a child. At best he is an asset of the relationship.

I know how you feel because my control freak ex kept my dog when we split, but he did look after her and she did stay with me when he was away.

So there's no way you can negotiate with your ex, right? He's a control freak and a bully. So, you will have to make a decision and I think you've got two possibilities. The first is that you just let him have Toby and move on and the second is that you tell him he's not having Toby back, keep him, change the microchip, register him with your vet etc. If you do this the ex will make a lot of fuss because someone has called his bluff, but the Police won't get involved because you can show that Toby is yours (you adopted him, you got him microchipped), so if the ex wants him back, he'll have to find a way to take you to Court. Would he bother?

Mrs P P

This is what I'd do. You are worrying about courts, etc etc. Let him do that if he wants Toby so much. Although.... make sure before you do anything that Toby is registered with your vet, the microchip is at your address (why would they contact ex if it's in your name?), and inform the insurance company that as you have separated the dog is now living with you and you will take on payment of the schedule as the dog is yours. Let him fight it. I doubt if he will too, but for a short while I would make sure that when you walk Toby you are safe and well away from anywhere where ex can grab him from either you or your new partner.

candykisses

Thank you both for your replies. Ive thought of similar ideas too- the main thing which has put me off, is that if I did it and then he did take me to court, would I be viewed as the "baddie", the one that stopped him seeing the dog, when for two years we've been sticking to this "arrangement".

I want to be seen as the sensible one if that makes sense - I had thought of getting a hidden mini camera and then when I take Toby back and to, if I asked my ex if Toby had been to vets etc, then he would walk off and ignore me/shout abuse, then I would have proof that there is a breakdown in communciation with regards to Tobys welfare.

Also as you say, I would have a safety issue with him I think - my new partner works shifts so I would have to be very careful on the nights he wasn't able to be with me when I took Toby out.

candykisses

ps if he took me to court and it was decided we go back to sharing, would I have to pay his costs?

I know he WOULD bother going to court because this is the type of person he is. He once won an item on ebay that he didn't want - bid it up to £210 just to stop another bidder having it. When the item arrived (sports memoribilia) he took it to the pub and gave it away to one of his mates!!!

He is a person who wants something more when someone else wants it.

HappyMJ

candykisses wrote: »

ps if he took me to court and it was decided we go back to sharing, would I have to pay his costs?

I know he WOULD bother going to court because this is the type of person he is. He once won an item on ebay that he didn't want - bid it up to £210 just to stop another bidder having it. When the item arrived (sports memoribilia) he took it to the pub and gave it away to one of his mates!!!

He is a person who wants something more when someone else wants it.

Technically yes but I wouldn't let it be taken it to court. You can settle these matters in arbitration for virtually nothing.

SnowyOwl_2

IMO you need to have a chat with a solicitor about all this. It might cost a bit, but when you start talking about legalities you do need to have a qualified person giving you advice.

moomin5

What a crappy situation, i hope your able to get Toby permanently and be free of the ex for good.

This solicitors site Dog Law has some brief info on custody/access disputes and might be able to advise you further.