Mother was wrong. Social services are devils!

Dramatist

All my life (I am 55) my mother, a senior accountnt for ICI in her youth drilled into me her three golden rules:

1) Nice people do not talk about money - they employ others to do that.
2)Neither a borrower or a lender be.
3) Four things which are totally shameful and 'nice people' would NEVER EVER HAVE:

a) A Loan
b) A Mortgage
c) HP
d) (worst of all) Direct Debit.

I am now EPA for mother who has dementia and I am being hauled in front of the Court of Protection charged with 'financial abuse of Power of Attorney' for writing cheques which are hard to trace and paying for things in cash as mother insisted I should do rather than paying bills by Direct Debit which shows clearly on bank statements.

'The first time you pay by the devil Direct Debit is the last time you see any of your inheritance' she told me a few years ago. 'Do it just once and you are out of my will -do I make myself clear?' I assured her that she did and promised never to use Direct Debit. That promise I have now had to break in order to try to save my EPA but I fear I have failed. Thank-you mother, I followed your instructions and the authorities are taking away all my control and are trying to bankrupt me. They want me to repay every penny I paid out in cash and cheques (about £60,000). I am disabled and living on benefits of less than £10,000 a year. This demand leaves me no chance of any life for myself. I face years of bankruptcy and my life is ruined thanks to mother's instructions.
Folk be warned. If you have Power of Attorney, it is a serious business. I thought it was just a nominal role. How wrong I was. If anybody asked me to do it again, I would run a mile first (and my disability means I can't even stand, let alone walk!).

noh

If you have receipts for the bills you have paid by cash or cheque there should be no problem.
It's not about the method of payment you use. It's about accounting for the payments as I'm sure your mother would have told you.

Dramatist

Not for the cash, sadly - when did you last hear of a cleaning lady wo gave receipts and when did you last do anything with a till receipt for toothpaste except chuck it in the bin when you got home? It never crossed my mind to keep them let alone that anyone would ever want to see them. Utilities bills, they no longer issue receipts. I used to tear the slip off, write the cheque then file the remainder in the bin so I didn't end up with a sea of paper all over everywhere. What right do these !!!!!!!s have to doubt my word. Lying is an awful sin -you just don't do it - ever!

jamespir

not sure about devils waste if space yes

planningforthefuture

Mmmmm! Protection of vulnerable adults? Common sense approach to mananging someone else's money? Not sure I'll waste my breath with this one.

planningforthefuture

I go back on my word. I can't help it....

Surely when you were granted EPA you were talked through your duties? Including keeping records?

There must be suffcient evidence to get to the stage of COP. Maybe the police will be involved next?

I hear Eygpt is nice at this time of year!

pmduk

Dramatist wrote: »

Not for the cash, sadly - when did you last hear of a cleaning lady wo gave receipts and when did you last do anything with a till receipt for toothpaste except chuck it in the bin when you got home? It never crossed my mind to keep them let alone that anyone would ever want to see them. Utilities bills, they no longer issue receipts. I used to tear the slip off, write the cheque then file the remainder in the bin so I didn't end up with a sea of paper all over everywhere. What right do these !!!!!!!s have to doubt my word. Lying is an awful sin -you just don't do it - ever!

Surely you have the counterfoil of the cheques which will marry to the utilities? If you've not even kept that basic a record I suspect they may find there's a case to answer. The one thing you can't do with an EPA is treat the money as you would your own. You may not bother with records for yourself but you have to be scrupulous with the records of the EPA subject.

WelshRarebit

Surely if your mother was a senior accountant she would also have taught you the virtues of keeping accurate financial records and having a clear paper trail for all transactions?? :think:

alanq

I thought these problems seemed familiar. Previously discussed here.
https://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/discussion/comment/44966912#Comment_44966912

charlieboycat

Dramatist wrote: »

.
3) Four things which are totally shameful and 'nice people' would NEVER EVER HAVE:
b) A Mortgage

One can only assume that your mother inherited the house. The vast majority don't enjoy that luxury. To say that "nice people don't have a mortgage" and that "to have a mortgage is shameful" are disgusting slurs on the millions of hard working people in this country who would also like to own thier own home one day.

thenudeone

Once the EPA is invoked then by definition your mother is no longer capable of making responsible decisions herself.
You are responsible for the money then under your control and it's up to you to manage it responsibly (and keep more records than you would with your own money); even if the way you do so is against your mother's wishes.