Fostering - Your ideas & thoughts

Mike_St_Helens

Hi guys...

Jumped into the new year with many ideas on improving myself..

Fostering here in St Helens apparently is in great demand. We are at a stage in our lives where we need something to enrich our lives.

Has anyone ever fostered, whats the process like, any bad experiences, any good ones....

Any advice or info will be great !!

Mike

sophiesmum_2

Hi Mike
My parents fostered when I was younger. The process involved several meetings for prospective foster parents, then training sessions and the like.
Then they had to have home studies done over a period of time by a social worker, they look into your personal life, medical history, finances etc, as well as talking to partner/family etc for their views on your suitability. I remember me and my siblings being quizzed about all manner of things from methods of punishment to family dynamics,even pocket money.
Eventually the application goes before a panel and if you are approved you are matched with a child.
It can be a long process, think my parents was about 6 - 9 months and you get plenty of support and training through it all,and you can back out at any time if it is not for you.
I have a friend who fosters now for the local authority but remember her telling me that if she were to be starting again now she would apply to one of the fostering agencies and not the LA as the fostering allowances were more realistic.
Hope that helps
sophiesmum

PS local councils often have information days about fostering where you could pick up much better info.

Mike_St_Helens

Al_Mac wrote:

Sister and her husband did it. Took a while to get to do it.

Did teenage boys, as brother in law didn't work and sister did. teenage girls might get pregnant

One suicide, after he left.
One drug pusher, after he left.
One accusation of abuse.
Gave up after that.

I think I'm saying be careful on your age group and be prepared for it not being the warm glow you expect.

But I do think it's a worthwhile thing to do.

Al

WOW....

Theres a lot to learn and take in....

livinginhope

Evening Mike,just wanted to say that this is something DH and I wanted to do,we were turned down on my health,they said it wouldn't be fair on the child? not sure I completely agree with their decision,but I can sort of see their point :rolleyes:
If you do go for it,I wish you the best of luck and hope things go well,there are so many children out there needing help.
LIH

Vickicb

I think it is a wonderful idea Mike, and very worthwhile. It's definately something I would think about myself for the future. Teenagers are not all bad, some have just had a hard time. I've had a young girl living with me and DH for about 18 months, aged 17 when she came here with quite an awful history (nothing that she did wrong, it was things done to her). It wasn't official fostering as she was over 16, just someone I knew who needed a bit of a break following a suicide attempt. She's now finishing college and off to uni this year, so has really turned herself around. She's been great, despite usual teenage annoyances (using the phone, coming in tipsy and waking us all up, etc) and much loved by my two young sons (age 5 & 8). Good Luck!

Mike_St_Helens

Vickicb wrote:

I think it is a wonderful idea Mike, and very worthwhile. It's definately something I would think about myself for the future. Teenagers are not all bad, some have just had a hard time. I've had a young girl living with me and DH for about 18 months, aged 17 when she came here with quite an awful history (nothing that she did wrong, it was things done to her). It wasn't official fostering as she was over 16, just someone I knew who needed a bit of a break following a suicide attempt. She's now finishing college and off to uni this year, so has really turned herself around. She's been great, despite usual teenage annoyances (using the phone, coming in tipsy and waking us all up, etc) and much loved by my two young sons (age 5 & 8). Good Luck!

Thats a nice story - Wish her the best of luck at uni!

Had a sleep on it, still like the idea. I tried to do a pro's and con's list last night.... There are a lot of cons which make me feel quite selfish, but the overwelming pro is the fact that ill be able to help and introduce someone to our life...

cuddlymarm

Hi
We used to foster when our kids were small.
The process took about 6 months to get to a decision and a lot of people either dropped out or were turned down before this stage.
It is quite intrusive because obviously they need to know you completely.

We found that you tended to get given children out of your chosen range and sometimes more kids than you are registered for (would you take only one of a set of sisters?) and that at times it was a thankless task. We have a lot of memories of our fostering experiences not all happy because at the end of the day they have to try and reunite with the parents if possible and any work you have done to help these kids can be wiped out in a matter of minutes.

You are not the important one the child is

If you are doing this to make you feel good then this is not enough.
Fostering is tough.

Sorry if this is a little harsh but you need to know what you are getting into and need to be totallly certain or people will get hurt.

I wish you luck
Kath

Smashing

I was never fostered, but I did live in 'supported housing' which is for families wanting to help a young person (16+) by providing a room for them and and allowing them to live as part of a household (rather than a 'family' as with younger children) to lean the skills needed to be able to live on their own.

Might be worth considering if fostering seems like too much of a commitment. Not that it doesn't require commitment as such, but I imagine it's less of an emotional drain that incorporating a new member into the family unit.

lynzpower

I worked in social services for many years and worked very closely with foster carers.

I would say this is a career change rather than an add on to other financial matters.

I would agree with others that many find the process of assessment very invasive. It can also raise issues between couples that have not been addresssed before ( not sure if this is relevant for you, but something to think about)

There is generally a shortage of foster carers as lots of people find it extremely difficult job.

There is unbelievable paperwork to go with it, and many many meetings. I believe it is a full time job , in terns of placement reviews, case management meetings, constant form filling, travelling to assessed medical appointments and so forth.

In many areas foster carers complain about the lack of support from social workers (I do agfree with this IME) for example the child has gone missing, and the foster carer doesnt know what to do, no one around to talk with, even if theres the out of hours service, its never the same.

It is a tremendously stressful job. by the nature of the client group carers are offering a theraputic intervention to the UKs most neglected and damaged children. I believe that this realisation is the main reason why so many drop out in the assessment process.

All that said Its my dream to be a foster carer and something that in a different stage of life I hope to be able to do, if Im assessed as suitable.

There is stacks of information on the web, but I recommend reading
https://www.baaf.org.uk for a start off

I would look particularly at the section of publications &* research to get a real flavour of what carers should expect. I can tell you lots of real life examples if you like but i know im rambling already!

Available on MSN if you want to chat it over.

Lynz

Tootsie_Roll

I agree with everything that has been said so far. My wife and I looked into it a few years ago - with 4 kids already running around our house is already like an ark so we sort of wondered if we would even notice another 2 (joke).

Anyway - as has been mentioned it is very, very invasive which in itself was not a problem. The main issue for us was that they wanted us to change the way we lived. e.g. must close doors to bathrooms, can't wander from room to room with no clothes on chasing young son/daughter who has just pinched your socks for a joke - that sort of thing. So whilst we may have been prepared to live with the changes eventually we decided the impact on our family was just too great.

Mike_St_Helens

Thank you all for your advice with this.

It is much much appriciated.

Mike