Advice needed on a realistic budget please

fakeplastictwee

Do you mind me asking how me asking how many hours your daughter works? Of course you don't want to take away her freedom, but on the other hand, as others have said, if she were living elsewhere she would be paying an awful lot more. It isn't as though she's still a teenager!

I grew up living with just my mum. From a young age she always showed me her finances, how much money was in the pot and what was coming in/going out. Although she wasn't in debt, things were always incredibly tight, so when she told me it was about time I contributed fairly, I understood. If you daughter understands your situation, I'm sure she won't mind helping out a bit more.

I paid £200 every 4 weeks, (was paid on a 4-weekly basis). I still paid for my own driving lessons and had money left over for going out or buying things I wanted.

I hope I don't sound preachy, just looking at it from your daughter's point of view as I have been in a similar situation.

Pollycat

me73 wrote: »

Thanks for the latest comments on my daughter's contribution, it is really useful to hear how much other grown up children pay.

I think I feel a little bit guilty about asking her for more as she was the only one of the children who has lived with me full time constantly since I split with my husband 5 years ago. In that time we have moved house 4 times and really struggled financially - I spent about 7 months on income support when we often didn't have enough money to eat properly. After that, I returned to education and got my teaching qualification, and she has now graduated from uni, so in theory things should be looking up. It seems so depressing to acknowledge that money is still going to be tight for the forseeable future, and it feels hard to tell her that she can't be young and carefree. I had two children by her age, so never had that freedom, but really wanted better for my kids.

I'm sorry, I know I sound a bit sorry for myself, and I know there are others in much worse situations, but it feels like I've worked so hard to see little improvement. Ho hum.

Sound sorry for yourself?

I don't think you sound sorry for yourself at all.
Just take a look at what positive things you've done (or are trying to do) to get yourself sorted:

me73 wrote: »

What I am doing to increase my income

Asked for extra hours at work
Registered as a private tutor
Volunteered for paid revision classes
Paid examining for the exam board
Surveys
Mystery shopping
Competitions
Selling unwanted items on eBay

What I am doing to save money

Two week meal plan
Changed mobile from contract to PAYG
Changed gas and electric suppliers to cheapest fixed tariff
Changed phone/broadband to cheapest deal
Buy clothing from eBay
Cancelled planned visit to family this summer

Don't put yourself down, you've (I assume) done the best you can for your children (and that might be part of the reason you're in the situation you're in now).

toothfairybuttkicker

just wanted to add my penny. I do think that a good sit down with your eldest is in order. Back in the good Debt free days when i was a mere 16 yrs old i got my first job on £80.00 (OMG I can hear teenagers everywhere demand double that to concider getting out of bed)

My dad did a very interesting thing. He sat me down with all the houshold bills and calculated what was a third of everything then added £10 a week cleaners fee for my laundry and cooking. when he'd taken that off my income i was left with nothing. so i ended up taking care of myself from cleaning to food and having £20.00 to last me a week.

The moral of the story is you get nothing for free and have to pay your way. im sure that your daughter understands that you can not support her if she is working herself.

On a side note could you not share a car?? If she works in the supermarket she can do your shopping and get staff discount. saves you the petrol and she will stick to your list and limit the impulse buys surely?

and at 13 and 14 could they not get the bus anyway. They should qualify for bus passes and if not it would still be cheaper and give them some independence at the same time

mark55man

As another cheerer up - things are really tight now, because you are paying higher for stuff that you missed payments on.

In a years time all those will be back to normal, and if you have made progress on the debts as well you will have a little more wriggle room.

Good luck - and I think you should ask your ex for a little more - I am sure that might be hard but perhaps you could make it a specific thing to help out (eat humble pie if you have to)

RAS

I agree that it is hard but you need to talk to your older children, they now need to be providing at least some of their own expenses. Your eldest needs to contribute her full portion of the household expenses. Point ouut that this is not being mean, it is preparting her to live an independent life; as when she moves out (whenever that is) she will have to make that same contribution and more to the household.

You have about 4-5 years to get your finances on track as once the youngest is out of qualifying FT education, you will lose almost all your benefits. At that point all the young adults will have to stump up their share.

climbgirl

Just wanted to add my voice to all the comments about asking your daughter to pay more to contribute to what she uses in the house. I left home when I was 17 and had to support myself financially. It was tough, but I managed. She is definitely an adult now and needs to start learning to support herself and pay her way a bit more. It's not an easy conversation I'm sure, and I understand why you feel you want to help her as much as you can, it's natural as a parent. But helping her to learn about managing money and budgeting is more important than funding her into her adult life!

Also, ditch the sky - there's plenty of tv options with freeview and internet catch up websites, you're not tied to the broadcasting schedule.

The gas seems very high to me for a monthly bill - is there any way you could cut that? Lower your thermostat by a couple of degrees, cut the amount of time it's on for, things like that.

theoretica

One bill it should be easy to cut is the breakdown insurance- there is an article about it under the 'travel' tab at the top of this page.

I agree with those who say your daughter is not paying her way and should at least pay her 1/4 of the bills - she would probably have had less spending money and more expenses at university and hopefully enjoyed that.

me73

Sorry, only just been able to get back on to see the latest replies. Thanks so much to everyone who has taken the time to comment.

It seems that everyone is agreement about my daughter's contributions, which does actually make me feel a lot better because I won't feel so guilty about talking to her about what she pays. I am going to find a good time to talk to her about it this week and see if we can sort something out without getting into an argument.

Fakeplastic... I think her contract is only about 12 hours, but she does lots of overtime, so has been bringing home between £600-800 per month for the last few months.

RAS - unfortunately I don't have that long to sort things out, as I don't get any benefits for my youngest two. After no.2 daughter leaves college next Sept I won't get any benefits at all.

I do actually feel a lot better after reading all your comments, I was a bit worried that people might be judgemental, especially about the catalogue debts. I'm now really determined to get the debts payed off asap, and have been considering signing up to one or two of the challenges to help motivate me.

climbgirl - yes, the gas does seem to be high, but it was the cheapest fixed tariff I could get so I think I will have to try and cut down over the winter - I think we will all be sitting in big jumpers instead of putting the heating on!

joedenise

When I started working, many moons ago!, my dad just told me that I would have to pay 1/4 of my take home pay for board & lodgings. This was increased to 1/3 when I'd been working a couple of years and had managed to save 1/4 of my take home pay for nearly the whole time, except the weeks when I went on holiday.

It certainly helped me to learn to budget from quite an early age. I have had debts during my married life but am now in the position of paying off my CC every month so I no longer have to pay interest.

Denise

rebeccatom

When I first started working at 16, I paid my mum 1/4 of my wages. I think that was fair, and in hindsight a bargain!!