Suicidal thoughts!!

getmeoutofthis_2

I won't bore all you great people on here. I am a long standing member with 5000 plus posts, but the fact members of my family use this forum, I can't post under my own user.

Simple fact is. Business has not been good. My Dad lent me about 13k and I owe about £3.5k on cards. But the bit that is worrying me even more than my Dad (and that's bad enough) is that I have been given upfront monies for jobs/items, which are due in Nov., and I know I won't be able to fulfill the work. The money up front was about £10k of a few dozen smaller customers. I have now packed the business in.

So I'm in about 30k of debt. I am only on a few hundred pounds a week. Don't want to let anybody down. Feel so bad about my Dad, and am also worried that the customers will think, I took the money with no intention in supplying goods/services. I can't really go into too much more about the sservices on here.

My credit rating is super. I have no CCJ's or defaults - YET, and I desperately want to borrow some money to pay my Dad and these people back. I've tried about 8 banks - no.

Went to the doctors today, as I can't really see any way out of this. Feel terrible about my Dad, feel a loser towards my family, and would hate somebody to report me to the police, for taking money from them and not providing what they paid for.

I have suffered from depression before but this time I think it's time to step off the ship

soccermom

Nothing is as bad as doing that, please believe me.

My nephew hung himself at the age of 18 and the heartache and damage it has caused us has never left. my BIL is a shadow of himself he looks 60 and is 45, he drinks to forget the pain and his wife has left him because she cant cope and my younger nephew who was 10 at the time and found him hanging has parents in complete despair who are unable to support him.

Talk Talk and talk again to your family if they knew you felt like this and was contemplating that they wouldn't give a !!!! about the money.

Have you talked to your doctor about your feelings they will get you some help.

I don't know what the answer is but its not that

Hope someone will be along soon with some suggestions for the money side.

Yargo1

Agree with above poster. Money is never worth more than a life . Your friends and family would rather have you than any amount of money. X

Bigmoney2

30k isn't that bad, students leave uni with that much debt. before they even start their working lives.
Is your father asking for the money back?
Did the doctor prescribe anti-depresents? If you've had depression before you know you can get through it.
You can put this right with time and help.
Without more info it's hard to advise further, you say you have few hundred pounds a week, but without knowing your outgoings its hard to grasp your situation. do you have assets for example, amyting you can sell or use as security on a loan or remortgage.

Soubrette

No matter how much you honestly believe you would be doing everyone a favour - you would be wrong.

You will leave a you size hole in the hearts of everyone who knows you and for some people, those who love you most, it will always hurt.

Please do not put your familly and friends through that pain.

In the end it's only money, we all make mistakes and there are always options.

getmeoutofthis_2

Bigmoney2 wrote: »

30k isn't that bad, students leave uni with that much debt. before they even start their working lives.
Is your father asking for the money back?
Did the doctor prescribe anti-depresents? If you've had depression before you know you can get through it.
You can put this right with time and help.
Without more info it's hard to advise further, you say you have few hundred pounds a week, but without knowing your outgoings its hard to grasp your situation. do you have assets for example, amyting you can sell or use as security on a loan or remortgage.

My Dad isn't short of money. He's fairly well off. I know I've not done great in business terms. Not as good as him anyway. Although I do have a nice house, and have given him 3 grand kids. But I know I am a failure in his eyes.

I have taken AD's before but the side effects were quite bad. I specifically told him - 'no' this time, as believe it or not I am going on holiday, next week, for two weeks. Fortunately it is all paid for, and my wife has been saving our money each week for spends. But to be honest I'm not even sure I can go. My knees are buckling as I write, and the tears are just streaming down my cheeks. She's out at the moment.

soccermom

getmeoutofthis wrote: »

My Dad isn't short of money. He's fairly well off. I know I've not done great in business terms. Not as good as him anyway. Although I do have a nice house, and have given him 3 grand kids. But I know I am a failure in his eyes.

I have taken AD's before but the side effects were quite bad. I specifically told him - 'no' this time, as believe it or not I am going on holiday, next week, for two weeks. Fortunately it is all paid for, and my wife has been saving our money each week for spends. But to be honest I'm not even sure I can go. My knees are buckling as I write, and the tears are just streaming down my cheeks. She's out at the moment.

In the eyes of my mum and dad I am a failure to in the eyes of my kids I am the person who loves them unconditionally, who will do anything to protect them from a minute of pain and will give them a fantatic holiday they will remember for the rest of their lives.

Don't give them a pain they will never get over and that they will never understand. It would haunt them forever.

Does your wife know all of what you are telling us if not go on holiday and talk to her, being away from home on holiday always makes me feel like I have got that distance to almost forget whats going on at home. Its time to share the pain you are feeling.

Your wife sounds to me as if she can sort out the money trouble and make arrangements, just give her the chance.

Hovel_lady

I am so sorry you are hurting so much.
Can you talk to your wife about this? Please, please do if you can. Whatever you're facing it is better if you're together. My OH always says "Stronger together".
You're not a failure, sometimes things happen and life just sucks. Not your fault.
And, yes, I've been where you are, felt like that (although for different reasons) so I have some idea of how things are for you.
Please find someone to talk to. The Samaritans are there if you need to talk to someone you don't know.
Money is never worth losing your life over.
Please take care, will be thinking of you.
((Hugs))

whitewing

I know you are a long term forumite, but maybe have a look at Martin's Mental Health and Debt Guide from which I quote:

Before you even begin reading, it’s important to know one thing. For as long as I’ve been the Money Saving Expert, I have never once seen a case [FONT=Calibri,Calibri][FONT=Calibri,Calibri]of debt that can’t be solved. No matter how bad it seems, while it may [/FONT][/FONT]not always be easy or quick, there is light at the end of the tunnel.

beanielou

I can only echo what whitewing says.

Happytogetdebtfree

Never give up trying ((hug)) November is 4 months away is there a way you can fulfil the promised supplies? Obviously you can't go into much detail but know there is always a lifeline here people who care don't give up be strong ((hugs))