Rant Alert - Why are sisters such pains?!

bride2be2012

I just feel like dumping my sister as a bridesmaid!! We're not really close, and have never really got along, but I thought it would be nice (and hopefully bring us closer together) to have her as a bridesmaid along with my best friend.

She never really showed an interest in our wedding plans until we set a date, and now she's being nothing but a pest. She wanted to organise my hen night, I said no, she and my other bridesmaid could organise it together. My sisters idea was to go to Dublin, I refused on cost grounds, I want something everyone can go to. I suggested that we do something fun like paint balling, quad biking etc during the day (for those that wanted to) then a meal, then a night out in the town. My other bridesmaid sounded keen and said she's look into things nearer the time (wedding isn't til May). My sister's input to this - it all sounds really dull and boring, and she didn't want to go quad biking as it means she can't have a drink until were finished (she's 19 and going out every weekend is still a novelty!).

Now she's hassling me about getting her bridesmaids dress. I decided a long time ago that as long as the colours match, I'm not fussy about styles. Best friend and I were at a bridal fair a few months ago (sister was at a festival so couldn't go) and got my best friends dress on a sample sale for £30. So now I have to find my sister one in the same colour, not a problem except
1) she won't wear anything that's second hand (so that rules out ebay, sample sales, preloved etc). Luckily my mum has now offered to pay for the dress.
2) she says she can't go shopping between now and the end of the football season (about 4 weeks before my wedding!), but Saturdays are the only days I have free. She has a season ticket, and goes to as many away games as she can afford. Apparently it's my fault for being 'stupid enough not to get her dress before now'. There aren't many bridal shops where we stay, and none that are open Sundays. So my only other option is to take a day of work (my sister works in a school, so finishes at 3pm and gets school hols.)

Grrrrrrr, just feel like telling her she can shove off and not be my bridesmaid if that's how she feels, but that would just cause untold family misery and fall outs.

Sorry for the long post and ranting, I'm just utterly fed up with her!

pleasedelete

Well I can see that you are upset. Weddings can be stressful just don't get wound up months away from the date. She is just 19 remember.

To balance it I would be pretty annoyed if I was her that you bought the other dress without getting hers. I appreciate it was a sample sale etc but it now makes getting hers harder and it is likely to take up more of her time to get one and she may feel a bit as if she is second fiddle or second choice.

I think you both need a bit of give and take.

Maysie

Ebay should not be ruled out i had 2 alfred and angelo ones new with tags £90 the pair. Its not just 2nd hand that get sold on preloved either. As long as you find a good seller and ask questions there should not be a problem. If there is then there is always a paypal dispute. Whats the dress, colour and size you are after?

ddebski_us

Hugs on this one - my sister was a pain in the !!! as a bridesmaid.

The football season doesn't start until mid August so you could go now. And she can't be going to all the away matches so there will be some free Saturdays.

You need to make it clear though that being your bridesmaid is an honour and should be something she is excited about, not a hassle on her time.

Hope you manage to sort it

xDx

bride2be2012

thanks for all the replies.

I'm in Scotland so our season started last weekend! She's just being difficult about it - she can't go before a game as 'she doesn't do mornings on weekend' (except when she has to leave at the crack of dawn for an away game!). In a few weeks her team is at home with an early kick off, so I said we can go after - no good apparently, as she'll have been in the pub since 11am. So me and my mum are going instead lol; my mum says if we find something, she'll take my sister back one afternoon once she finishes work.

She says she's not annoyed about us getting the other dress without her. She knew we were going to the fair with the intention of getting dresses, and it was her choice to not go. She says she likes the colour of the dress, and pretty much has free choice on the style - as long as the colours match I'm not fussed what she has - so it shouldn't be more difficult or time consuming to get her dress really.

I'm just fed up with the constant texts and Facebook messages about when are we going shopping, then when I tell her when I'm free, she can't go and won't make any allowances. As usual with her, everything has to be on her terms and if not, it won't happen. Apparently she's not happy just now because I'm not inviting my cousins to the whole day (there's just too many off them!) - so my sister is having a moan that it'll be boring and no-one for her to talk to all day!!

melancholly

well she's 19 but sounds like she's 12...... can your mum have a word with her about how rude/immature she's being? by indulging her behaviour by shopping without her, it's reinforcing that that's ok.

the idea that she can't get her lazy !!!! out of bed for one morning to pick a bridesmaid dress is just amazing. i'd honestly suggest thinking hard about having her as your bridesmaid. if her attitude doesn't change, she will wind you up so much in the last few days, not to mention demand that it's all about her on the actual day.

even if she does think you should be inviting cousins, she needs to be told (and i mean told, in no uncertain terms!) that she should think it and not say it! this isn't her wedding day so she doesn't get to call the shots.

bride2be2012

lol, I know my mum is far too soft on her, it's part of the reason I moved out of home!

TBH, I'm a lot calmer about it now. She was just getting on my nerves last night. The fact I rarely see her face to face doesn't help (when we go to my mums, she is normally either out or can't be bothered to come out of her room) so most of our conversations are through text or Facebook. If me and my mum see a dress when we go looking, then she will just be told that is what she is wearing - if she can't be bothered to go looking, that's her problem! As far as I'm concerned she is bridesmaid in name only, and won't have any official duties or anything.

Luckily my other bridesmaid knows the score, and as she's been my friend for so long, has seen my sister in full strop mode on more than once occasion! She has already said that she will have a word with her if I want, and will keep her in line on the day!

marywooyeah

she does sound problematic, but I think you've made it a bit hard (of course not intentionally) by buying one dress so now you've got to search around to find another of the same colour, bridesmaids dresses tend to be very specific colours eg many shades of purple/blue/pink and you need to find the same eg smashing purple as opposed to just purple - I encountered this problem when I bought 2 of my BM dresses and then had to find another that matched, I eventually did though but it took a while.

I'd ask her straight out, do you want to do this or not? My MOH waited until 2 weeks before the wedding to tell my husband that she was too nervous about having her photo taken and would feel self concious in the dress and didnt want to have attention from people so didnt want to do it anymore - she is his mum so she put him in a very awkward situation as she "got" him to tell me. then the week before our wedding she threw a party with 30 guests to celebrate her 50th birthday and then happily posed for photos at our wedding.
I found it quite upsetting, as all the reasons she gave for not wanting to be MOH she then did at her party and our wedding anyway. you dont want to get into a similar situation with your sister where you are putting yourself out or going along with something you dont want and pandering to her every need as she sounds like she will take advantage. I'd say if she reallly wants to be your BM she can sacrifice one match to go shopping with you - otherwise she's getting a second hand dress!

good luck x

floss2

Why not ask her when she will be free to go shopping? Is it such a problem to take a day off work to do this (and to quote your first post, "bring us closer together") with your mum and make it a girly day out? You obviously did this with your other BM when you went to the sample sale.

Also, does she actually want to be a bridesmaid or is all this making excuses because she doesn't want to hurt your feelings?

bride2be2012

it's not a hassle to take a day off work, no, as long as I give plenty notice. My sister think coz she's on holiday until the middle of August, everyone else is too. I have a long weekend coming up at the end of August (off Thu-Mon), when I mention this to her, she doesn't reply.

I didn't take a day off for the sample sale, it was on a Sunday at a wedding fair - my sister had the option of coming but decided not to.

Oh, she wants to be a bridesmaid alright - the night we got enagaged, when I asked her to be bridesmaid, she said she was only coming if she was a bridesmaid!

melancholly

bride2be2012 wrote: »

Oh, she wants to be a bridesmaid alright - the night we got enagaged, when I asked her to be bridesmaid, she said she was only coming if she was a bridesmaid!

hmmm.... i see an easy way to make the whole problem disappear....;)

(that's really not the first reaction anyone should give!)