Weddings abroad - any advice?

teeni

This is causing major grief in our house at the moment, we have 3 sons getting married next year. 2 Locally and the third in Maritius.
We can not afford to go to the one abroad and neither can the brothers who are already getting married. And when the bride and groom were told this they went mad, if we weren't going to their wedding then we shoudnt go to any of them. Future daughter in laws family said we were being difficult for no reason and should treat them all equally.

They booked their wedding last and so were aware that their brothers were getting married next year as well. When we suggested they put it off for a year and then we could all go you would have thought we had suggested they murder someone. I am saving hard and hoping to be abletogobut cant guarentee it.

If you book a wedding abroad you have to accept that a lot of people wont be able to go and not give them grief, irrespective of how much notice they have been given. It would break my heart not to be able to go to my sons wedding but i havent got a money tree in the garden and refuse to borrow money to go.

candygirl

teeni wrote: »

This is causing major grief in our house at the moment, we have 3 sons getting married next year. 2 Locally and the third in Maritius.
We can not afford to go to the one abroad and neither can the brothers who are already getting married. And when the bride and groom were told this they went mad, if we weren't going to their wedding then we shoudnt go to any of them. Future daughter in laws family said we were being difficult for no reason and should treat them all equally.

They booked their wedding last and so were aware that their brothers were getting married next year as well. When we suggested they put it off for a year and then we could all go you would have thought we had suggested they murder someone. I am saving hard and hoping to be abletogobut cant guarentee it.

If you book a wedding abroad you have to accept that a lot of people wont be able to go and not give them grief, irrespective of how much notice they have been given. It would break my heart not to be able to go to my sons wedding but i havent got a money tree in the garden and refuse to borrow money to go.

My thoughts exactly hun :(:(

claire16c

candygirl wrote: »

we didn't even have a years notice, and it would've cost us at least £1500 to be there:(:(My work situation is sporadic, and OH isn't well paid so I thought they'd understand:(:(

I dont think under a year is enough, also some people may have already booked next years hols by then anyway. Have they not even offered to help you? I even offered to help some friends out with airmiles I had.

claire16c

Tiara wrote: »

Sorry Claire16c but this sounds a little unfair. £40 a month every month for 2 years is asking a lot. I couldn't afford that- once the bills are made I have very little over each month, certainly nowhere near £40. Perhaps some of the people you invited genuinely couldn't have afforded to save that amount.
Also, perhaps they had other priorities with their spare cash. You may have picked a destination they wouldn't have chosen themselves, and it also eats into their annual leave allowance, that they may have had other plans for.

There are many advantages of getting married abroad- beach weddings seem so romantic and you'd get some stunning photos. However I don't really see it as being a cost saving compared to a UK wedding, as you are simply passing over a hefty chunk of the cost to your guests.

Giving people as much notice as possible is just polite- Candygirl, that just sounds awful. £1500 is a huge amount to expect you to pay to attend the wedding, and I am stunned that people aren't more understanding about your reasons for being unable to afford it. If you being there is so important to them then would have offered to pay for your flights themselves! I hope the bad feeling fades quickly xx

I think that spending £40 every month on booze and fags is a lot, but my hubbies dad apparently found that more important than going to his sons wedding.

Anyway, most of the people we invited think nothing of going out for meals a few times a month, buying new clothes, accessories, new electrical items etc. There was only person who really has to be careful with money, apart from a couple of others, and that is my mother in law and she was able to save. If all of our guests had been in that sort of position then maybe we wouldnt have asked them, but they are not so the situation isnt like that.

We were not annoyed with anyone else who couldnt genuinely could not come, because they couldnt afford it. But certain people - like his dad - could, just chose to waste their money on other things. My husband told him 5 years ago to start saving but he couldnt be bothered. But to be honest he is a whole 'nother story anyway.

I also doubt there was anyone who wouldnt fancy a holiday in hawaii And as we told them 2 years before, its unlikely they would have made prior plans.

At the end of the day, everyone (bar a few people) who really wanted to be there, made it there and we were happy with that. Anyone like his dad who decided to smoke his money away missed out on a fab holiday. And those who couldnt afford it, I would have paid for if I was a millionaire, which unfortunately Im not!


Teeni - I think that as it is your son who is getting married, can he not help with the costs? We were going to help my mother in law if she had not been able to save, to make sure she could come.

claire16c

Also I must say, I had lots of people mention that going to wedding at home can be very expensive too and they actually spent less on ours time wise. My sis-in law went to a wedding a couple of hours from home, so she had to pay for the hotel, pay a baby sitter and pay petrol there and back, buy an outfit and present, which ending up costing about £300 or so in total. It cost her about £1200 to get to hawaii, but atleast that was over 10 days, instead of 10 hours!

teeni

claire16c wrote: »

I think that spending £40 every month on booze and fags is a lot, but my hubbies dad apparently found that more important than going to his sons wedding.

Anyway, most of the people we invited think nothing of going out for meals a few times a month, buying new clothes, accessories, new electrical items etc. There was only person who really has to be careful with money, apart from a couple of others, and that is my mother in law and she was able to save. If all of our guests had been in that sort of position then maybe we wouldnt have asked them, but they are not so the situation isnt like that.

We were not annoyed with anyone else who couldnt genuinely could not come, because they couldnt afford it. But certain people - like his dad - could, just chose to waste their money on other things. My husband told him 5 years ago to start saving but he couldnt be bothered. But to be honest he is a whole 'nother story anyway.

I also doubt there was anyone who wouldnt fancy a holiday in hawaii And as we told them 2 years before, its unlikely they would have made prior plans.

At the end of the day, everyone (bar a few people) who really wanted to be there, made it there and we were happy with that. Anyone like his dad who decided to smoke his money away missed out on a fab holiday. And those who couldnt afford it, I would have paid for if I was a millionaire, which unfortunately Im not!


Teeni - I think that as it is your son who is getting married, can he not help with the costs? We were going to help my mother in law if she had not been able to save, to make sure she could come.

They have not offered and I dont expect them to . But it is not just me and his dad he is very ratty with the rest of the family as well who just cant do 3 weddings in a space of 6 months with one being so expensive especially as they are paying for their own weddings as well and they were already booked.

I have taken on a weekend job to get the money together for to go and will probably make it but they are now giving us the silent treatment, have told his brothers they will nto be going to theirs so not to bother inviting them, so i am not feeling very gracious to my sonor his future wife at the moment and to be honest wondering why i am bothering.

weddings are a right pain and i am up to my neck in them at the moment and not actually looking forward to any of them. roll on 2013 is all i can say then it will all be over and we can get back to normality again.

claire16c

teeni wrote: »

They have not offered and I dont expect them to . But it is not just me and his dad he is very ratty with the rest of the family as well who just cant do 3 weddings in a space of 6 months with one being so expensive especially as they are paying for their own weddings as well and they were already booked.

I have taken on a weekend job to get the money together for to go and will probably make it but they are now giving us the silent treatment, have told his brothers they will nto be going to theirs so not to bother inviting them, so i am not feeling very gracious to my sonor his future wife at the moment and to be honest wondering why i am bothering.

weddings are a right pain and i am up to my neck in them at the moment and not actually looking forward to any of them. roll on 2013 is all i can say then it will all be over and we can get back to normality again.

Oh dear. I am so sorry that your son is behaving this way, especially as youve taken a 2nd job on! Seems pretty ungrateful to me. If my parents were in a position where they had had to do that I would have been so happy they were putting so much effort in. I dont see why they didnt just have it in 2014 if they wanted everyone to come.

All I can say is that I hope once it gets to the weddings hopefully things will have calmed down you have a great time.

Also I would just think of the lovely holiday you are going to have - the wedding will only be one day! I've been to Mauritius and it is very nice. Perhaps for now think of it being a nice trip away with your hubby and you just happen to be going to the wedding whilst you are there! And hopefully your son will sort his act and soon and then you can start to look forward to the wedding too.