Adoption - what happens.

TooSad

Hi
Im hoping someone can explain adoption to me. I know that sounds really thick, I know what adoption is but don't really understand the process.
I have been watching a program on sky+ from ages ago about a couple adopting a baby which was lovely, really choked me up that they had given this baby a happy life.
There wasn't much mention of what happens from a birth mothers point of view, I guess I'm just curious and am trying to understand it.

The questions I have been wondering about and googling to no avail is:

1. Who registers the birth? Is that the birth mum. If so does an adopted child have access to the original birth cert at say 18?

2. If a parent decides to put a baby up for adoption. Do they cut all ties or do they still have access until adoption is completed?

3. In the uk what rights do dads have if not listed on birth certificate?

Its just curiosity that's led me here. I hope my questions don't upset or offend anyone I am merely trying to understand something which I though I did understand but clearly I don't.

Thanks
tooSad

KiKi

Hi there

I don't know all the answers, but with regards to '2', I do know that two friends of mine who adopted (one through concurrency, ie, fostering first; the other through straight adoption) have regular contact with the birth mothers, pre and post-adoption, even though the children were in foster care.

It's arranged through social services, twice a year (I think), so the child has some contact throughout their life. These are birth mums who had significant drugs-related issues, but are deemed suitable for the children to see, supervised.

Both adoptive mums have to agree any visits (they get the final say on whether birth mum can see the child or not), but as I understand it the process is there so that adopted children whose parents wanted to keep them (or wanted to keep in touch) can still have that contact, as it's felt best for the child to have some understanding of who they are.

I don't know if that's the case in all adoptions, though - I'm sure it can't be, as there must be some birth mums who don't want any contact, and some who are not considered suitable to have contact because of violence or drugs etc.

HTH a little bit.
KiKi

princess

Hi my son is adopted so I may be of some help.

Its quite rare for a baby to be adopted, usually it would be a much older child (DS was 6) so yes in most cases the birth mother would register the birth. On adoption the child gets a new (short form) birth certificate with the new parents names on it. I'm not sure if they can get a copy of the original certificate, but my DS arrived with his original copy and still has it which is nice for him.

Again, most adoptions are contested as was my sons ie his birth mother did not want him taken from her care and did not co-operate with the process. She was able to see him when he was in foster care having first been removed from her. At this stage it was hoped (by social services) he could be returned to her, but she was not able to provide a suitable environment for him and so this plan was abandoned.
After he was placed with us (living with us) she was not allowed to see him even though he was not officially adopted by us until two years later, as the paperwork and court hearings take forever.
Very often birth parents would be asked to have letterbox contact. This means they write to the child maybe once or twice a year and the child replies. This would be decided depending on the best interests of the child, but the adoptive parents get the final say as once the child is adopted they are not legally obliged to continue with these letters.
In our case, as birth mothers presence was quite unhelpful she was not allowed even letterbox contact and certainly no visits. We did however write to a half sister of my sons, but she stopped replying years ago and now we no longer write to her either.
If the birth Dad has parental responsibility then he would have the same rights as the birth Mum. In the case of my son, his father is unknown.
Hope some of this helps, but remember every case is different.

Oldernotwiser

princess wrote: »

Hi my son is adopted so I may be of some help.

Its quite rare for a baby to be adopted, usually it would be a much older child (DS was 6) so yes in most cases the birth mother would register the birth. On adoption the child gets a new (short form) birth certificate with the new parents names on it. I'm not sure if they can get a copy of the original certificate, but my DS arrived with his original copy and still has it which is nice for him.

Again, most adoptions are contested as was my sons ie his birth mother did not want him taken from her care and did not co-operate with the process. She was able to see him when he was in foster care having first been removed from her. At this stage it was hoped (by social services) he could be returned to her, but she was not able to provide a suitable environment for him and so this plan was abandoned.
After he was placed with us (living with us) she was not allowed to see him even though he was not officially adopted by us until two years later, as the paperwork and court hearings take forever.
Very often birth parents would be asked to have letterbox contact. This means they write to the child maybe once or twice a year and the child replies. This would be decided depending on the best interests of the child, but the adoptive parents get the final say as once the child is adopted they are not legally obliged to continue with these letters.
In our case, as birth mothers presence was quite unhelpful she was not allowed even letterbox contact and certainly no visits. We did however write to a half sister of my sons, but she stopped replying years ago and now we no longer write to her either.
If the birth Dad has parental responsibility then he would have the same rights as the birth Mum. In the case of my son, his father is unknown.
Hope some of this helps, but remember every case is different.

My experience of the adoption process is very similar to yours and I think that what you've described is very common.

rachbc

I work with young mums, some have whom are going through/ have been through the process of having their children removed - these days its very rare for a mum to 'give up' a baby for adoption - they are usually removed fom them due to the birth mother not being able to care for them and many often contest the process. If mums are identified during pregnancy by social care as potentially putting their baby at risk they go through a pre birth asessment - either in their own home or are taken into a group home - once the baby is born the are monitored and observed again either in their won home, mother and baby might be placed with a trained foster family together, possibly in a group home or baby maybe placed with a foster family and mother is allowed contact.

Young women going through this process are often feel under extreme pressure - whcih obviously does nothing to help the process of bonding and forming attachements to their baby - they often (and imho quite rightly) feel that social care are waiting for them to fail so the child can be removed, rather than offering them support to succeed.

Obviouisly there are plenty of cases where removing the child is in its long term best interests I don't dispute this at all, nor do I dispute that adoptive parents provide fantastic loving nuturing home for these children but there is another side too.

lin473

Every case is different.
Contact issues are decided on a case by case basis before the adoption goes ahead.
I have letter contact with one of my adopted children's mother but none with the other child's family
because the situation was abusive.
Fathers who do not have parental rights would not know the whereabouts of the child but would probably be consulted before the child is freed for adoption.
Most cases hang about in the system for months or even years and baby adoptions are rare as others have already stated.

Neither have sought the birth family but I believe they can access the original birth certificate and help is available post 18 if wanted by the child/young person.

Are you looking to adopt or just curious?

starnight_2

I considered it when I had DS (9) so can tell you what I learned then.

1. Birth mother registers birth

2. I was told I could cut all ties, or choose to remain in contact with adoptive parents. My soicla worker at the time only told me this much as she didn't want to overwhelm me as I was still undecided.

I'm not sure about father's rights. But I do know that I would have had 6? weeks in which to change my mind, and I was encouraged to take DS home with me during that time. In the end I decided I didn't want to go through with adoption.

Ada_Doom

As part of my job I sometimes have to deal with the birth certificates of children who have had placement orders made (this means they will be placed for adoption). I have to "deface" the original birth certificate so it cannot be used. I always feel sad doing it, as I think of the birth parents going to register their babies birth and wonder what hopes they had for their family. However when the child is still very small I like to imagine them going off to a better life. Still very sad for the birth parents though

vharbourne

I was adopted at birth, my parents collected me day after i was born. Their details are on my birth certificate but i dont think this is regular practise also it wasnt in the uk. I have never had contact with birth mother and it was not encouraged at the time

Errata

Ada_Doom wrote: »

As part of my job I sometimes have to deal with the birth certificates of children who have had placement orders made (this means they will be placed for adoption). I have to "deface" the original birth certificate so it cannot be used. I always feel sad doing it, as I think of the birth parents going to register their babies birth and wonder what hopes they had for their family. However when the child is still very small I like to imagine them going off to a better life. Still very sad for the birth parents though

Could you explain a bit more about the sentence I've bolded? What do you do to deface the original birth certificate ? Do the birth parents hand it over to you, or are you talking about the entry in the register?

TooSad

Thank you to everyone who took the time to reply. I am not thinking of adopting, I just had questions after watching a very moving program on the tv. I have a greater understanding now of adoption, and thank all of you who shared your really personal stories.

TooSad x