Step parent support groups?

lilmissmup

I was just wondering if any of you lovely MSE'rs know if there are any online forums for stepparents?

My OH has 2 kids with his ex wife and I sometimes find it very hard to cope with *I am only 27 and have no children of my own* and am just looking for a place to talk to others in similar situations.

His ex wife likes to "play" up sometimes and it makes me feel very uncomfortable. Last week we dropped his kids off at swimming together, he normally does this alone as I am at work but we are working near each other.

She always picks them up from swimming so we had to wait for her to arrive, guess normally her and OH just chat for 20mins or so *They are amicable for kids* but she wanted us to go straight away *which was fair enough* and started swearing at OH about me being there.

Now she has met me before, granted in there house as I moved in earlier this year *He brought her out of the house a few years ago*.

We only say Hi when she comes to collect the kids and its not a comfortable thing for me, especially as she used to live here but sometimes I feel me and OH have no future, like if we had a child how would she react, or if we wanted to get married how would she be?

She had an affair and left him so she chose to end the marriage.

I spoke to him about this after last week but he just buries his head in the sand as he doesn't want us to break up.

I dont want her to upset me but it does, sometimes I wish I was single but I do love him just need some support to turn too. His kids are well behaved most of the time and we get on ok but going from a life of freedom to kids being around a lot is very hard.

tanith

Your partner is forever going to have contact with his Ex through their children its something you learn to live with or you'd be better off cutting your losses now. It might be hard but its probably harder for the children , you are the adult here imagine how difficult it is for them especially as you are now living in the family home.. If you have children or get married she'll have to deal with as will you. If its too hard then I'd seriously question the relationship. Sorry if I sound harsh but its not all about you there are two young and probably very sad children involved.

lilmissmup

I'm not saying its all about me just wanted some advice from others in a similar situation.

His kids are not sad as such, his daughter was only 2 when they split up so she remembers two houses from the start and his son I know finds it harder to deal with but my parents divorced when I was 5 and I have had my mothers various boyfriends to deal with so I do know what its like for them too.

I have already tried to walk away and have told OH I might still have too but I do love him and would like a proper life with him, I understand it must be very hard for another woman to be in the kids lifes but I dont want to be their mother, just a friend.

chiefsfanuk

I know where you are coming from here. I am a step mum of two girls. My husband is 13 years older than me, and we had quite a whirlwind internet relationship. I married him at 21 and became a step mum to his two daughters. Without going into a big long story, she too left him. Its been a bumpy road wherever she was involved (she has mental health issues which magnifies everything).
Our relationship has never suffered though, we have been very happily married for 9 years now, and have three daughters ourselves. I dont know of any support groups out there, though I am sure there must be some, but if you ever want to vent feel free to pm me... I understand how difficult it can be to be in your position. x

jungle_jane

i sent you a PM hun...

RadoJo

What do you actually want from your OH? Do you want him to confront his ex and demand that's she's nicer to you? Because I think you probably know that there's nothing he can do about the way she treats you, and trying to take your side with her will inflame the situation needlessly and make things more difficult for him and his kids. By all means, do a search for step parenting groups in your area, but I think you really need to decide whether or not you can handle your ex's past or not for yourself - you can hear other people's stories all you like, but there's nothing you can do to change your feelings if you're going to find it impossible to cope with his ex.

mum2one

I must have tried writing this about 4 times and it didn't come out right, so please bear with me.
This is just what I see, you love your OH, you obviously get on well with the kids, and although the youngest has only really known 2 houses, the son remembers one, but with you saying you'd been in his position, then without sounding daft, your a good support for him, even if it not now that he needs you.

Sometimes mums find it hard handing over the kids, maybe she resents that Oh got on with his life, there could be a million and one reasons, I'm not saying shes a nasty person or a nice person don't know her.

But sometimes its a defence mechanism, and the first person to "hurt" in a situation like yours would be you, its just a case of smiling through it, remember not to argue back, bite your toungue if you have to.

I know you have no children at the mo, but if you and OH do, I would say let her hear it from OH, rather than the kids or a stranger, as a new baby would be their half brother / sister.

Just be there for the kids, because in years to come thats what you'd rather them remember, xx

LolaMadeline

Mumsnet has a steparent section. Mumsnet.com, then Talk, then click Being A Parent, a list opens up w steparenting being one of them.

Blackpool_Saver

http://www.thebritishsecondwivesclub.co.uk/

flutterby_lil

Morning

How old are the children?

I understand how hard it is as I am in the position myself. My fella has a daughter who is nearly 2, the result of a fling. He found out he had a baby on the way just as he met me. So I have been through the whole journey up to now and boy has it been hard. She is a very jealous, insecure silly little girl who fell in love with my fella. It was only sex for him, she told him she was on the pill but when it came down to it she had forgotten to take it.

We have been together 2 and a half years and have a baby of our own on the way, as well as me having a 3 year old son who he treats as his own and loves to bits. He calls him daddy.

We have been to court numerous times and a contact order is now in place for the agreed contact. She used to stop contact if he didn't give more money (he has paid every week since she has been born and even paid money upfront before birth) or didn't do what she said. She has tried to stop me being involved as she hates me, but I don't care what she thinks as we are so happy.

I deal with it by not letting her bother me, they have minimal contact really. It has been very very hard don't get me wrong, but try not to take things personally and do what is right for the children. My fella went to scans etc. He didn't want to go as he didn't want to upset me. I didn't want him to go but said i thought he should for the he baby. However nothing he does now is good enough.

Good luck, here if you want to talk and share experiences.

always_poor_2

I have 2 step kids and a DD with my DH. Only you can decide what you want to do, our situation was very similar to yours, she left him, he met me yrs later but she still plays games and causes trouble.

I have to say, as much as I love my DH, I think if I knew then what i know now, I would have walked away at the beginning. Don't get me wrong him and our DD are my world, but it is and always will be a difficult situation xxx