Relocating? :(

charlie792

My head is in a bit of a mess right now. I finally thought things were coming together for me and OH right now, literally everything started falling into place and I thought everything was all rosy....

I know he had previously applied for some jobs out of the area because at the time his current job was uncertain, however that situation has now resolved itself. However my relief has been short lived as literally a few days later he's been offered several job interviews out of the area which he's attending. Don't get me wrong Im incredibly happy for him, but (and you can call me selfish) Im totally scared he's going to be offered one of them

I know he'll most likely take the job if he gets offered it, but then Im wondering where the hell that leaves us as a couple

We've been living together for the past year, and I know for sure I couldn't afford to stay here on my own.
Im pretty sure he thinks its certain I would go with him - I feel sick even thinking about it. I don't particularly want to relocate, and I have very little faith in me finding a job elsewhere.
It would be incredibly selfish of me to stop him taking the job because his career is something he has worked very hard on and he deserves it but Im totally terrified it could mean the end of all our years together

Alligg

It is a difficult situation and I fully understand how you feel as I have been through the same thing.
The first thing to do is sit down and talk to your OH and get everything out in the open,if you don't it will make you ill and it will start affecting your relationship.
Tell him exactly how you are feeling and also let him have his say.
A relationship is about give and take and also a little bit of compromise.if he is the person you want to be with then jobs,houses etc can always be worked out.

BitterAndTwisted

Eh, just because you're not necessarily sleeping in the same bedroom every single night does not mean that your relationship will inevitably fail. Lots of couples survive these kinds of separations for the sake of their careers.

Still, why don't you cross this relocation bridge when you come to it? He may not want any of these positions or may not be offered any of them either

CH27

How far away are the new jobs?
Could he commute?
Could you move halfway between your current place & the new job so you can both commute?

Pee

I think we do need to know how far he is thinking of relocating.

This would mean a pay rise for him presumably? Would that mean that you could get by without a job if need be/ have plenty of time to find one. Is there a reason why you feel you couldn't work elsewhere? What are your plans for the future? Would you be looking to have children? This might mean that you would be stopping working for a while but might also mean you need the support of family and friends where you are.

I'm concerned that you think his getting a job elsewhere would be the end of the relationship. If my boyfriend got a job elsewhere I would probably have to stay in my current job until I found a new job in a different area, but I wouldn't think twice about doing it. If I needed to work elsewhere, he would come with me, even though he would rather not move from this area. (It wouldn't be such a big move to me as I have lived elsewhere and know I could be happy pretty much whereever, provided it was in England or Wales.) Much as I would love to live in Scotland this wouldn't be an option for me workwise and then I would expect my boyfriend to accept that we just can't move there. Likewise he couldn't live in a big city, especially London and we just know that from the type of people we are and the work we do.

Living apart would not be an option for me on a prolonged basis. I know lots of people who did this at University and shortly afterwards and whilst it's fine for a short period when you both know what you are working towards, and it is fine for people who do not want to live with another person and share their lives completely, but I don't think it works for people who do want to be together and put up with different circumstances for years of their life. Life is very short. Neither of you will live forever. Make the most of what you have.

However living apart for a while, maybe moving into shared housing you can afford or as a lodger whilst you look for work in the new area is certainly manageable.

I really hate to say this but are you sure he isn't moving to end things. (I really hope that is not the case, and nothing you have said suggests that it is, but something just gave me that uneasy feeling.)

Gigervamp

Is this the same guy you posted about in this thread? I noticed you never came back to the thread.

If it is, I wouldn't be relocating with him.

lurvlyloz

i know this is slightly different (and now after reading the other post that gigervamp pointed out makes me question things even further) but my boyfriend and i live 130 miles apart & we see each other every other weekend. he's looking to relocate to be with me but for the time being its got to be this way. obviously its really hard but hes always at the end of phone or online if i need him & it means we spend half the time missing each other and the other half the time looking forward to seeing each other. the time we do spend together is special & makes us realise how important the other one is.

where did you live before you moved in together? were you able to survive financially then?

Sambucus_Nigra

Gigervamp wrote: »

Is this the same guy you posted about in this thread? I noticed you never came back to the thread.

If it is, I wouldn't be relocating with him.

Nice and simple escape if you ask me.

*Cue Paul Simon...50 ways [although he only mentions about 5].

Pollycat

charlie792 wrote: »

My head is in a bit of a mess right now. I finally thought things were coming together for me and OH right now, literally everything started falling into place and I thought everything was all rosy....

I know he had previously applied for some jobs out of the area because at the time his current job was uncertain, however that situation has now resolved itself. However my relief has been short lived as literally a few days later he's been offered several job interviews out of the area which he's attending. Don't get me wrong Im incredibly happy for him, but (and you can call me selfish) Im totally scared he's going to be offered one of them

I know he'll most likely take the job if he gets offered it, but then Im wondering where the hell that leaves us as a couple

We've been living together for the past year, and I know for sure I couldn't afford to stay here on my own.
Im pretty sure he thinks its certain I would go with him - I feel sick even thinking about it. I don't particularly want to relocate, and I have very little faith in me finding a job elsewhere.
It would be incredibly selfish of me to stop him taking the job because his career is something he has worked very hard on and he deserves it but Im totally terrified it could mean the end of all our years together

Charlie

See my highlighted text - it sounds to me like you're not talking to each other.

Applying for and possibly accepting a job away from home is a serious decision and one that should be discussed between you as it not only affects your bf but you too.

The thread you started that Gigervamp mentions is very worrying.

Have you resolved the issues you outlined in that thread?

podperson

Did you not discuss relocation at all when he was originally applying for the jobs? I would suggest you need to sit down with him and say that you're happy that he has these potential opportunities but you think you need to talk about what would happen if he did get offered them. If he is just assuming that you will follow him wherever he goes without asking you or discussing it then that's very dismissive of your opinion and I would find it a bit worrying.