DLA for child

bethscott1970

I'm stuck and need some advice. I receive DLA (HRM and HRC) and so does my eldest son (he's 12 and has Aspergers and ADD). My middle son (11) has been attending the local hospital's child mental health unit for 2 years and they've finally decided he's probably got ADHD and are starting an assessment. To be honest I've known for years that he needs more help and support than his twin sister (both at home and school) but I suppose I've been trying to convince myself that at least one of my sons are "normal".
The school doctor has suggested I claim DLA for him. He needs constant supervision while he's awake (he has no sense of danger and constantly hassles and hits his siblings) and he's a nightmare to get to sleep (he's up and down at least 3 times a night including jumping on his brother and throwing things at him). But I feel guilty about applying for DLA for him, I'm not sure how much supervision a "normal" 11 year old needs and I'm worried that the powers that be will see that I'm disabled (I have MS) and start wondering whether I can care properly for both boys.

Do I apply for DLA for him or is that a risk that social services might become involved? Is there any restriction on how many DLA claims can be in one family and how is an 11 year old meant to behave?

Fran

Yes, claim for DLA. It is a disability benefit for him and not to do with anything else. The fact that he needs constant supervision and is a danger to himself and others around him both day and night would count towards the application. If the school doctor has suggested it too, s/he would think you had a reason for it. As the application form asks about the person applying (ie, son) and not who is caring for him (parent/carer) I don't see that you have to worry about social services. The form doesn't ask you to state the name of a carer or anything. The extra money would help you care for him too. I'm 99% sure that there's no restriction on the no. of applications from one family as it's a benefit to help with the extra costs of disability for the individual.

What about youself? Are you getting help that you need? The MS Society or the MS Trust should be able to advise and support you, perhaps you could contact them with your concerns?

tran_2

bethscott1970 wrote:

I'm stuck and need some advice. I receive DLA (HRM and HRC) and so does my eldest son (he's 12 and has Aspergers and ADD). My middle son (11) has been attending the local hospital's child mental health unit for 2 years and they've finally decided he's probably got ADHD and are starting an assessment. To be honest I've known for years that he needs more help and support than his twin sister (both at home and school) but I suppose I've been trying to convince myself that at least one of my sons are "normal".
The school doctor has suggested I claim DLA for him. He needs constant supervision while he's awake (he has no sense of danger and constantly hassles and hits his siblings) and he's a nightmare to get to sleep (he's up and down at least 3 times a night including jumping on his brother and throwing things at him). But I feel guilty about applying for DLA for him, I'm not sure how much supervision a "normal" 11 year old needs and I'm worried that the powers that be will see that I'm disabled (I have MS) and start wondering whether I can care properly for both boys.

Do I apply for DLA for him or is that a risk that social services might become involved? Is there any restriction on how many DLA claims can be in one family and how is an 11 year old meant to behave?

I do not know if there is a restriction on the number of DLA applications per family but i would assume that if all the applicants have genuine medical conditions backed up by the G.P/consultants then i cannot see a problem. I received DLA as well as my partner and both of our children. Myself and my children all have the same condition. Nobody became involved (social services etc) by applying and getting DLA for the kids.

I also tried to ignore the signs as i wanted to believe that at least one of my kids would be in perfect health. Having 2-out-of-2 kids with health problems can make a parent feel pretty bad

As for social services... IMO if you are caring for the children correctly then it is immaterial that you are disabled yourself. I had your opinion in the early days.

I got post-natal depression a few months after my 2nd child and this is where the health visitor asked me if i would accept visit from social services to see if they could offer some support. They were aware that myself and my partner were disabled as well as my older child at that stage. The social worker was only interested if the kids were being looked after correctly (which they were). However what social services did do was offer to support the family by paying for some daycare. The children went to a nursery 2 days a week to give us a break. My kids were 9 months old and 2 years old when it started and has continued since then.

I guess what i am trying to say is that from my experience social services were firstly interested that the kids were looked after fine (which they were) they satisfied themselves of this after 1 visit (although this was not really the issue as the health visitor had no concerns). However my contact with them after that was simply they supported the family by offering help in the form of childcare because the whole family has health problems. Also social services did not become involved through applying for DLA. They became involved because i was beginning to struggle and feel very depressed and the health visitor thought we could do with some help (not an issue of child protection/children at risk).

So maybe social services could actually support you and be helpful rather than be an organisation to dread and fear?

Savvy_Sue

Can only back up what others have said: and IMO what you are describing as required is more than 'normal' supervision for an 11 year old boy! So do not feel guilty about applying for DLA.

Also Social Services: if there were concerns about the care you were giving to the family they would be involved by now anyway! So do not feel that applying for DLA will get them on your case. As others have said, their involvement might be positive anyway.

I know that in some cases they will pay for some out of school childcare, for example, where for any reason it is beneficial to a family, although I don't know how much of this there is available once a child is at Secondary School. I also know that some families have had to fight tooth and nail to get an assessment from Social Services to access such help, at least in part because there was no immediate 'risk' or problem within the family.

I don't know about ADHD, but I know there is a very lively Asperger's chat / support forum out there so if you want to be put in touch with that please PM me and I will put you in touch with someone I know who 'lives' on that...

All the best!

eml_3

I would suggest you get some help and advice from an advice centre when you fill in the DLA form. As you probably know, the forms are huge and take a while to fill in and you will need to show that your son needs more care and supervision than a child of the same age who does not have ADHD. Also remember that DLA is awarded for the care that you NEED - you don't necessarily have to be receiving it.

good luck and don't forget to inform all other benefits that you might be claiming if he is awarded DLA as it could increase them.