New life starts today

partridge_pie

Hello All

I am introducing myself today as a newbie (have posted once before but a while ago and never got round to returning to the forum).

Have had a life-changing experience over the weekend - my wife of nearly 9 years (knew her for 2 years before that) have found someone else and my world fell apart.

However, after unburdening the secret on my close family and some people at work already I feel a bit more positive.

We have a 4 year old but have agreed to joint custody plus she will be living close by when she eventually moves out but this could be months - so an amicable relationship is taking place for all our sakes.

I will be living where we are now which happens to be my sister's house as she works and lives abroad - my boy will stay here 3/4 nights a week and we will share weekends on the whole - I think this is the far best solution.

As I have been lied and cheated on my feelings have changed for her overnight - I would not have her back if she begged as she is tarnished and there is nothing worse than betrayal.

There - got that off my chest.

Moving onto money!!

We have both been daft with it although I am very good mathematically (she is not and cannot really budget). I have set out my debts below which are a combination of joint and personal debt built up over the years - like a lot of people cannot fathom out how it got this big but I reckon at least half is from us buying and paying for lots of goods, services and items intending to repay it back but not getting around to it. She has about a third of the debt I have but I have the inclination to try and get it down whereas she seems to always pay the minimum and have a consistent OD of about £400-£500.

Now that we are both facing a new life my big project is to become debt-free as soon as possible. This I will be able to control totally when she has left and I am responsible for all bills:

Total Debt

Halifax Credit Card £3841.61 25% APR
Barclaycard £2976.72 18.9% APR
Barclays Loan £2504.20 8.9% APR (last payment Jan 13)
Santander Credit Card £2025.41 0% until 02/12/11 then 16.95%
Virgin Credit Card £1210.00 1.9% until 04/01/12 then 20.9%
Santander Overdraft £ 426.80 (£7.50 per month charge)
Barclays joint Account £121.10(projected by 09/08/11) - costs about £3.00 per month

Total Personal Debt £12984.74

Joint Debt £121.10 (this may vary)

I pay in total around £345 per month for all my debt. The loan is in its' final stages as it was for 5 years so I think I should leave it alone.

The low rate credit cards are fine for now but only for a limited time as you can see.

The Santander OD was up to £470 not long ago so I have made great strides there and can see the £399 target in the distance.

We have agreed to get the joint account down asap in order to close it down so all bills can come out of my account ready for the split.

The only card which has some spare credit is the Barclaycard - I could transfer most of the Halifax balance reducing the APR I pay on the amount.

Is this all I can do considering I am only left with about £200 at the end of all outgoings (me and my son will need that money each month with no great luxuries).

Sorry to go on and thanks for reading/listening.

DorsetGirl_2

Sorry to hear about your situation, but good luck on your debt-free journey

Soph86_2

I can't offer any advice, but just wanted to say well done for making a big decision like this out of something that must have been so terrible for you

Soph x

McKneff

Hello and welcome to the boards, you will get lots of help on here.

Good luck

Tixy

Hi

Sorry to hear about what you are going through, certainly an awful, tough time to get through and not easy to be thinking of all the practical things like money.
Glad you seem to be being fairly amicable (or at least civil) with regards to the custody and your joint debt etc.

Good idea to clear the joint overdraft as soon as you can and get the account closed down (or get into a positive situation and take your name off it). What is the limit on this account? do you think there is any chance she will start paying for things with this account to increase the debt? You might want to see if you can reduce the overdraft limit on this account to say £150 in the shortterm.
Once the account is closed remember to file a notice of disassociation with each of the 3 CRAs.

Regarding your own debt and whether to do the transfer, its difficult to work out how much you will save by doing these (depending on how long it will take to pay off all your debts etc). One way to work it out would be to do a snowball calculator with the debts as they are, and then another assuming you do the balance transfer (remember to look up what the BT fee is and add that onto the balance in the second scenario).
Doing that will also give you an idea as to how long it will take you to become debt free based just on paying £345 a month.

Snowball calculator - http://www.whatsthecost.com/snowball.aspx

partridge_pie

Thanks already - great support - by the way will just change my ID as the current one reminds me of her!!

partridge_pie

Thanks Tixy

For now the OD limit will have to stay at £400 but hopefully soon can reduce it as less and less comes out of the account -she will not use the account so I am not worried about that - she wants to close it as much as me.

Have just managed to transfer £2000 from Halifax to Barclaycard (thats going from approx 25% APR for the £2000 to 5.9% until Aug 2012 then at 18.9%) - also have transferred £175 from Halifax to the 0% Virgin plus will transfer £300 to the Santander card from Halifax when the Santander system allows (technical problems at the moment).

Therefore I will have some emergency funds available but only as a last resort with Halifax and in the Santander bank account - but that is as an absolute final resort (hopefully never) .

Once these transfers have gone through I will still have about £1000 available on Barclaycard but will wait a few days as some more payments are due to go through (will check later)

The Virgin and Santander cards will be maxed but I will be better off due to the much lower interest rates

Here's hoping

By the way on a mission to sell as much as poss especially anything connected with my soon to be ex - one day I will look back and be very happy about this split - as long as the little un is OK then everyone is happy!!

ms_night_ryder

just wanted to say keep being strong, if she can live without you, you can most certainly live without her, you may falter or feel down, but just remember all the things you are about to achieve

partridge_pie

Thank you - I couldn't have put it better myself - I know I will have waves of sadness etc but I am sure they will get less and less. I may look back on this and think I had a lucky escape - she always thinks the grass is greener somewhere else but good luck to her - I hope everyone is happy in the end - life is too short and I will not let this make me ill.
.
I still believe the debt situation is the root cause of our breakdown in marriage - we never had a lot except about 6 years ago when we sold the last house we owned.

But now the mission is to be debt-free and I will - I want to give my little lad a good start in life - ironically he is the most financially rich of us all with what he has in his Child Fund!!

Ifyoucantbeatem

Ha ha, I know that feeling. My 4-yr old's minted, I've got defaults and late payments coming out of my ears. The best thing I've ever done is a debt management plan with CCS - I now sleep at night and am much more patient - I started getting irrationally angry with my kids and that's when I realised it was all going wrong.

I have to say I'm well impressed with your approach to the situation you find yourself in. Your son is clearly the most important thing to focus on right now, and will definitely keep you going through thick and thin - the times that Dad can put a smile on his face are worth all the stress, pain and effort (I know...) and I wish you every bit of luck possible on your journey having made this momentous decision. Keep it civil, she clearly doesn't deserve a decent bloke like you.

partridge_pie

Thanks

Once she goes I can really get into MSE mode without being held back by someone who albeit has much less debt than me but is not inclined to do anything about it. Yet again yesterday another item arrives from Simply Be (on-line clothing company) and that will just get added onto the account (probably around £650 now) and at a ridiculous APR.

The amount of Next, Simply Be etc bags that arrive via internet ordering you would not believe!! This has been going on for years and always will - well the new fella will have to live with that and all the other annoying routines and idiosyncracies.

I am already looking forward to my new future with my son (shared custody of course) and will feel released - it will hard when she leaves of course but that is only because it is a big life-changing experience.

Realised I have not been in love for years - it is the old we should just have been friends scenario but we just have a son.

I will be a regular contributor on here though and cannot believe the support!!

Will keep all informed of the reduction in my debt week by week if poss!!

Thanks everyone who has replied