Son buying House for Mum - drawbacks?

ElaineC_2

The FMH has enough equity to buy a house each for me and my OH. My adult children will live with me for the time being. The house me and my children would live in would either be in joint names between me and my son, or in his name with us living there.

I have no interest in what the OH does with his half share of the equity, just want to be able to get a home of my own for me and my children.

XX

hazyjo

Yes, the rent will be higher - because it includes more, for a start. Plus with a mortgage, a lot of what you're paying back will be interest. People do seem to forget this... There's another thread going at the mo where someone was deciding between a short term buy or to rent (I think) and someone linked to a calculator to work out which in fact was cheapest. You might want to dig it out.

I understand your need for 'home' right now, but try to see the positives long term. Four walls do not make a 'home'. The people, possessions and love within those walls makes a home (IMO!). Some houses we fall in love with, but, if they burnt to the ground tomorrow, we'd not give too hoops if our families were okay.

Jx

ElaineC_2

Thanks hazyjo. You are quite right, as long as my family are safe and happy there is nothing more important. I made the decision to leave a large house and move to rented because it was not a home any more, and I am very lucky to have my children here with me safe and happy.


I do panic about finances as there is very little coming in at the moment, and am frustrated that there is so much tied up in the FMH that I cannot get access to at the moment. I suppose I need to bide my time and hope that OH eventually becomes reasonable.
Thanks for your replies.
xx

pmlindyloo

Thank you for clarifying the situation.

If your OH is not agreeing to sell the house then I do think you ought to seek legal advice. Best not to let it drag on too long, you need to feel secure financially.

I also fully understand your feelings about a family home. If this is the first time you have rented, it is a very strange feeling and also, I'm guessing, feeling forced out of the family home makes matters worse and in way you must feel quite resentful. But Hazyjo is completely right - a house does not make a home.

We rented a number of properties when my children were younger and they were not in the least concerned! However, having downsized when the kids left home (a house we'd bought/had for 13 years) the kids themselves were pretty devastated at losing their family home - even though they weren't living there!

I am sure this feeling about a family home will change when they get permanent homes of their own.

The years ahead may hold many different things for you and yours so I would be wary of making too many hasty decisions and concentrate on rebuilding your lives.

RAS

Elaine

You really really do need some proper legal advice and by the sounds of it you also need to talk to Womens' Aid if this is a DV situation.

A couple of options in my mind.

Since you own the house jointly, get a restraining order on your ex. Then move into the house with the "children" and he has to move out. He legally cannot prevent you moving back in.

Alongside this, and even if you continue renting start the process of forcing the sale of the house. have you even started divorce proceeding yet?

ElaineC_2

Thank you pmlindyloo and RAS. I do feel insecure about renting, I have had a house/home of my own for the last 30 years, and you are right about feeling resentful about having to leave, but I felt I had no choice.

I do not really want to move back into the house, as at the moment my OH does not know where I am, and I would prefer to keep it that way.

I have not yet started divorce proceedings, but have had counselling every week since the beginning of March to help me be stronger.

Has anyone gone down the route of taking legal action to force a sale? He has enough cash to buy me out of the property if he does not want to lose his home, but does not want to consider that option.

Thanks
xx

RAS

hi

Are you in touch with any of the DV charities because that souns like there is an issue here (and I include emotional, economic and other forms of abuse in DV). They should have advisors who can help you with the legal situation.

I would advise get a restraining order anyway and satarting divorce proceedings. You need a rotweiler of a lawyer; if you have been at home and supporting someone earning a good income, you may actaully be entitled to spousal maintenance, at least whilst you retrain for the job market and a substantial portion of all the assets. If you leave this too long there is a chance he will divest himself of them.

And being really morbid, have you written a new will? I knew one couple who divorced and he was in an accident a week before the divorce was absolute. She got everything. Get that written now to protect the children.

ElaineC_2

Thanks RAS. I have rewritten my will, but need to sort out the joint ownership of the house. I believe I need to sever the joint ownership, so if I die the half share goes to my children.

It is overwhelming at the moment, but one step at a time.

Does anyone know if I can force my OH to pay some rent on my half share of the property? This would offset some of my rental. he is earning a good wage, and has no mortgage to pay.