I need a cathartic moan about a rude relative

Dekazer

Sorry to clog up the board with a moan but I'm so wound up today. I had a proper malfunction last night and didn't even manage to get to sleep till 2.30am! *YAWN*

My poor Mum called me yesterday all upset at a phone call from my late uncle's ex-wife I don't think I've done anything wrong, but seem to have offended her.

Background: We're getting married in December. Registry office limits the numbers, so max 60 for reception then 80 at restaurant. However, we're then having a big party with a max of 300. It's been hard for us to get the numbers down to 80 - with parents, siblings, grandparents and cousins we only had room for a handful of friends. It doesn't help that so many of our friends have spouses and children, but that's life.

So anyway, I was all for just doing electronic Save the Dates, but as we had a large family gathering last weekend we decided to make some wee cards up and give them out. We did different messages for all day vs evening only ones, and gave them out - everyone was lovely and pleased.

As my cousin was there, I gave him the all-day STDs to give to his 3 sisters. His mother, who divorced my uncle about 15 years ago, had an evening-only one. I wouldn't have even bothered invite her, but her 4 children (aged 14, 18, 21 and 24) are invited all day. My uncle's widow and baby daughter are invited all day. The ex-girlfriend (of 10 years) who came between the two wives has an evening-only invite too!

So, having not kept in touch with me (only my mother) for the last 15 years, she received her evening-only STD yesterday and sent my Mum a text message complaining! She's never even added me on Facebook, despite me being in regular contact with her 4 kids.

I was her bridesmaid (at her doomed marriage) 25 years ago and she somehow thinks that means she should see me get married. They talked on the phone and my Mum ended up really upset. I can't believe that she actually thinks that of all the people in our lives, we'd actually squeeze her into the ceremony+restaurant. Even my fiance's cousins aren't coming all day! I have close old friends who are only coming in the evening! Even one who I was a witness for at her wedding. AND lots of people whose weddings we've attended (all day) are only getting evening invites.

I'm hopping mad because she was mean to my Mum, because she made Mum feel like she had to defend our decisions when we're paying for the whole thing ourselves and are bending over backwards to make it cheap and welcoming for all our guests. It's not going to be 100% the day I might have wanted if I had ££millions, but it's what we're having.

Sorry, rant over. There's no real solution as I'm not changing my list - there are about 50 ahead of her on the 'reserve' list. But I really hope she doesn't moan to my cousins and make them not want to come (I'm close to all of them). I must say, I do feel better for having written it all down

Cheers all xx

johannalf88

Oh that does sound horrible. And although you already know it, you are doing the right thing. I would say she is lucky to receive an invite at all tbh.
Don't really have much to say, didn't want to read and run, esp when it seems to me you are being more than generous!

bubbles0169

rant away! you shouldnt change your list, i have a few 'uncles' like your situ but i havent given them a second thought only to the one whos with my aunty at the mo with my cousins so your better than me at even having the others lol x

Idiophreak

Why was your mum upset? Did she feel you should have invited her?

I imagine if anyone called my mum like that she'd say "it's their day, they can do what they want" and that would be the end of it.....

Dekazer

Idiophreak wrote: »

Why was your mum upset? Did she feel you should have invited her?

I imagine if anyone called my mum like that she'd say "it's their day, they can do what they want" and that would be the end of it.....

I think it was one of those 'jellyfish friend' moments where you think someone's a friend and then they come out with something with a sting My Mum's a bit sensitive at the best of times.. I'm not sure why it upset me so much TBH - time to CHILL!

Thanks for listening - I love this forum :grouphug:

double_mummy

cuddles xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxox

melancholly

i'd retract her invitation. to be a bit miffed is one thing - to send a text is cowardly and then to upset your mum on the phone is just plain stupid!
(ok, this may not help the situation, but in your position, i'd be pretty tempted to!)

Kefi

It is good to separate the wheat from the chaff. Ignore the old biddy and dont even chase her RSVP. If she comes ignore her..you can do that as you are the bride and sooo busy working the room. Your Ma is the Ma of the bride this is her day next to yours. She too must ignore her too.....your Ma will be sooo busy too. Enjoy and get the warmest feeling :beer:that your had not pandered to a spoilet brat...albeit an old one!

ZebrasMum

what Kefi said

marywooyeah

this is the problem with weddings! people always moan and complain, they should feel lucky to be invited!
my husband's brother said he wouldn't come unless we invited his girlfriend, who has caused us loads of problems and no one likes. at least she had the decency to stay out of the family photos but I felt like we were being emotionally blackmailed into inviting her.

I'd ring her up and say you obviously don't feel like you could ring me directly to discuss this "issue" and you've upset my mum which in turn has upset me, so I would like it if you didnt come to the wedding as we don't want anyone there who has caused bad feelings.

codemonkey

marywooyeah wrote: »

this is the problem with weddings! people always moan and complain, they should feel lucky to be invited!
my husband's brother said he wouldn't come unless we invited his girlfriend, who has caused us loads of problems and no one likes. at least she had the decency to stay out of the family photos but I felt like we were being emotionally blackmailed into inviting her.

I'd ring her up and say you obviously don't feel like you could ring me directly to discuss this "issue" and you've upset my mum which in turn has upset me, so I would like it if you didnt come to the wedding as we don't want anyone there who has caused bad feelings.

I agree that weddings would be so much less stressful if families would just appreciate how much work goes into making an invitation list rather than just expecting that everyone they want to be invited will be.

My brother and aunt have just stressed me out over the past week with their behaviour to the point where I can't wait to marry my H2B so I become part of a family that isn't so bats*** crazy.