Devastated

tiggs

came home from work sunday before last and my wife of 19 years said she is not in love with me anymore but still loves and adores me she left and went to a friends she wants me to move out which I am our kids are 18,17,16 18 yr old has moved to boyfriends and 17 yr old daughter is coming with me 16 yr old son is staying with her what I dont get is she says im a good husband and father Ive given her all she ever wanted im so messed up cant sleep cant eat im so devastated we still talk but she is so distant there is nobody else involved even family have asked her she is my life I dont know what to do I feel so lost and alone

CH27

What a nightmare for you.

Have you suggested counselling?
Have you been havng some problems?

gratefulforhelp_2

Hugs.

You don't have to move out if one child is living with each of you.

Having been in a somewhat similar situation, I would break down the tasks ahead of you and concentrate on the practical, and your children for now.

tiggs

We have had no real problems but as far as she is concerned that is it
she would not do counselling
I have to move as she will be moving back in she in friends on couch I have both kids at the moment

CH27

Why do you have to move?

peachyprice

Sorry if this sounds harsh in your understandably emotional state, but why on earth should you move out?

She's the one that doesn't want to be married to you any more, she's the one that needs to stand on her own two feet and find somewhere else to live. I understand you're devasated, but why make it so easy for her? Honestly, if I were you I'd stay put, she can't have it all her own way.

shellsuit

You've got every right to stay in the house.

If she wants the relationship to end, she can move out!

tiggs

we only live in a rented house neither of us really wanted to move here but the rent was cheaper than the last one plus its a 4 bedroom house I did think about it but think she would of left the kids with me with the ages they are they are always out and hopefully i will be moving to a newly built apartment and did not want to be stuck with the house

CH27

Well take your time to find the right place. Don't be rushed into decisions.

gratefulforhelp_2

tiggs wrote: »

We have had no real problems but as far as she is concerned that is it
she would not do counselling
I have to move as she will be moving back in she in friends on couch I have both kids at the moment

Has she said why?

I think you need to prepare yourself for the possibility that she will be in a new relationship rather sooner than one would expect. Sorry.

So, practical things

credit cards
bank accounts
savings

in joint names? You need to fix those so huge bills can't be run up/withdrawals made without your knowledge.

Coucil tax? Single earner discount if the older kids not at home and working.

Child maintenance - even with one child each, if one of you goes to CSA, the bigger earner will be liable for CM.

You need to sort out who gets the child benefit.

Remember, she wants this and unless you did something dreadful, you have the advantage in bargaining.

VfM4meplse

gratefulforhelp wrote: »

I think you need to prepare yourself for the possibility that she will be in a new relationship rather sooner than one would expect.

I would agree with this statement. Relationships are 2-way after all, you deserve a good explanation if there is to be no negotiation / reconciliation, and I don't think you've had one.