Going to be Homeless please help me.

sueuk_2

Hi everyone, I love reading all of the threads on here and have finally signed up because I really need some help and advice.
I am 22 and my mum is threatining to kick me out. She is getting married soon and does not want me living in the house when she does. I pay rent and I do so much for her but she is constantly treating me like I am nothing and I just know that she is going to kick me out sooner rather than later.
I have a Full-Time job and earn £600 after tax but also have A loan and credit cards to pay etc.
I have never been one to go down the Benefits route and have never asked for help before, but I just dont know what to do. I have absoloutley no-one that I could stay with and I can not afford to rent what would I do? I just dont think I can handle the stress of this anymore and have been having lots of suicidal thoughts lately that it scares me to think what I might do.
I can not change my mum's mind because she really does not care about me. I am not on the housing list so would the council just see me Homeless? If i'm Homeless then I cant work and I would be living on the streets and I dont think I could handle it, please help me.

Gemmzie

Right, first of all, big hugs.

Secondly, there is help available and 600 a month after tax will be plenty enough for you to rent somewhere.

You will be subject to a restriction on Housing Benefit if you are eligible (sorry, I can't remember the figures at the moment), but it's around £40-45, dependent on your council area.

When is she getting married? You should be able to get help with rent in advance and/or a deposit from an ABC bond, but these sometimes take up to a month to come through, so sometimes it's best to apply early.

You are entitled to help, never make yourself feel guilty for taking it, stay strong

cobbingstones

Hi

I'm so sorry to hear of your situation.

All that I can advise is to very quickly go to your local council offices and explain your situation. I guess that they will give you information on local rooms that are available to rent, which is updated daily i think. Try and find out the cost of renting rooms in your area (maybe looking at local notice boards may give you an idea).

Sometimes these things are a blessing in disguise. I'm sure your mum does love you otherwise you wouldn't still be at home at 22, believe me!

If you get somewhere with no furniture in it or need anything remember to check out freecycle.co.uk it will save you lots of dosh.

I'm sure others on here will give you more advice.

Best wishes

MMx

lesandflynny

Hi Sue

you seem really quite upset with your situation and I cannot blame you. I really do think that your Mum will really love you (I am a mum too) but she is just not displaying it at the moment.

When I met my chap, he had a teenage girl at home and I used to nag him about her being untidy, not contributing etc. Of course he was absolutely stuck in the middle, he loved me but he also loved her.... I just wonder if your Mum is in the same position being pulled in both directions by those she loves. Thankfully, we all got through it and we are all still very close... 10 years on now. My stepdaughter moved out quite young and she ended up having a baby quite young too, she is fine though I cannot help feeling some responsibility for her predicament.

You say you are 22, do you want to leave home? Perhaps it might be a good time to think about your life? Talk to your mum seriously about your options, perhaps you could think of a career that takes you away e.g. nursing, teaching, social work etc. On these type of course you get a grant, help toward accomodation and a new life too. Its a long shot but just a more positive spin on your situation. Of course nothing will happen overnight and you will need the support of your family to apply..

On the other hand this might not be for you, in which case have you considered a shared house. If you live in a Uni or college town there are often rooms to let for £40 per week, I know you will struggle but perhaps you could get some extra work in the vening in a resteraunt etc.

Another avenue you need to look into is weather you will be entitled to some housing benefit toward rent. You may well be able to find a falt and benefit help to pay..... don't hold out on this though as they don't often cover much.

Are there any agencies in your area who help with young people, try to meet up with an advisor. You would be suprised at what grants, facilities these agencies can access.

Most important of all, is try to see things from both sides.... yours and your Mums, try to think of a positive aspect of this situation (perhaps it might be a nice time adventure out a little) but ensure you share it all with your family as you will need their support and it wil not happen overnight. But most of all, show her you are mature and willing to try.

Good luck, keep us updated.

Three_Dancing_Dragons

Don't panic. You are 22 years old, you can handle this. Start signing up with as many housing associations as you can find - once you ARE made homeless this will put you higher up the waiting list but this only means you will wait two years instead of five.

Save emergency money NOW so you have a bit behind you. Make minimum payments on your debts and convert them to lower interest rates using MSE tips. If you are suddenly turfed out this is great grounds to get a payment holiday - as long as you keep them informed, lenders can be quite flexible.

Put together a 'setting up home' pack of basics you will need to cook and sleep comfortably - IKEA is great for stuff like pans and towels and a sleeping bag so you won't need to worry about linen size to start with (NOT so you can use it on the street - you wont NEED to use it on the street).

Start looking in the local paper for affordable accommodation so you have an idea of the areas and prices. Students are always looking for people to share a house with them (landlords always find it fiddly to rent individually, they usually put up the whole house) so look around your local university even if you don't study there. The students union will have a noticeboard you can check.

You are working so you wont need to worry about housing benefit and who will and wont take it. Ask around at work, put up notices on staff noticeboards with what you are looking for in co-tenants and location. You probably wont be able to afford a private pad to yourself at first, but that can come later.

Don't think of it as being thrown out. You are leaving home to live an independent life because you deserve to be treated better. It had to happen sometime. If you're really feeling awful, don't be afraid to phone the Samaritans on 08457 90 90 90 or email them at jo@samaritans.org. Even in the worst case scenario where you are on the other side of the door with nothing but your clothes free advice is available from Shelter, The Salvation Army or your local church.

Perhaps things would improve with your Mum if you actually sat down and let her know clearly that you will be moving out so as not to 'cramp her style' with the new hubby as soon as is practical. Maybe put a six month time limit on it (by hook or by crook I'll be out by July for example).

Hope this helps. Big hugs.

stellagypsy

Hi sueuk, sorry to hear that you are having a tough time.

I work for a Council Housing dept and talk to young peple in this situation every day, and the sad fact is that there are so few properties to rent and so many applicants, they don't stand a chance of getting a flat on their own. We cannot pick and chose our tenants, they all have to apply for properties on the internet and the selection process is done by the computer, which we have to follow to the letter. However, we deal with several organisations who work with 16-25 year olds in danger of homelessness or who are vulnerable, they rent properties from us and then they sub-let them to their clients, give them support to maintain their tenancy and become independant. The ultimate goal of this is that the young person progresses through their programme and takes the tenancy in their own right.

If you came to me in an official capacity, that is where I would send you. Ring the Council's homeless unit and ask them for a referral to a suported tenancy scheme.

HTH, Stella xx

Smashing

Very few 22 year olds can afford to rent their own place, so you're not alone there. Have a look on gumtree for rooms to rent and flatshares.
As another poster said, if your mother didn't care about you, she would not have had you living at home up to the age of 22, so resist the urge to cut off your nose despite your face and talk to her, if only so you're leaving on better terms.

Zara33

You might get some advice from Shelter very helpful site IMHO
http://england.shelter.org.uk/advice/index.cfm

http://scotland.shelter.org.uk/advice/index.cfm

http://northernireland.shelter.org.uk/advice/index.cfm/setcountry/true/

http://cymru.shelter.org.uk/home/index.cfm/setcountry/true/

Not sure what area you are in at the moment so i have put a link to them all.

HTH

Nile

Hello sueuk

Welcome to the MSE site. :wave:

I'm sorry you're worried about your future. I know from experience how frightening it is to move out under such circumstances. Is there a close friend who can support you, so that you don't feel so alone?

If you're prepared to move into a small bedsit/flatlet type place, the bills will be much more affordable.;) If you start small and can manage your bills successfully, you will be able to move onwards and upwards when finances allow.

Can you ask a grandparent or auntie to help you with some useful items like kitchen stuff, crockery, cutlery etc? Any second hand items will save you having to buy new.;)

Your mum might also help you with setting up your new home. It's better to leave home on good terms if you can.

I hope things go well for you. This site has many supportive and caring members who will try to help you with advice, so don't be afraid to ask.;)

Regards

Nile

milkydrink

I've got nothing to add, sorry. But wanted to send you ((((((hugs))))))
Get onto the local council & local Housing assocations (yellow pages) without delay, I think they will want a letter off your mum. Look for flat/house shares, much cheaper :-) & don't be scared/suicidal, you will cope, we all do :-)
xxx

Alias_Omega

Ah, its probably just a kick up the bum by your mum to give you the hint that its time to move on in life. If you were a student at uni, you would not ever consider living with your mum and dad after being away.

Now lets switch it, Your now i guess..a 46yr old lady / chick / women etc and you have your daughter living with you. All your other children have moved away except one, you meet someone who you like and wish to move in with them, but your daughter being about is cramping everything as you are still waiting on them even though they can stand up for themselves, you do there washing, buy them toileteries, do there shopping etc, maybe even lend them the car.. but sometimes parents want to move on with there lifes.

Now, your only 22 years old, your working and you can get a nice council flat somewhere, a nice 2 bedroom masionette etc if you want. They are out there but i guess you will have to take the rough with the smooth, you shall have to maybe live a hostel / youth forum thing for 6-8 weeks where you shall have a curfew etc, and maybe check in and out. Have the little thugs smoking dope and having parties down the corridor whilst you trying to sleep. Maybe not have any friends stay over apart from sneaking them through the window when the guard / night person is not looking. One you've done that you shall be given a flat / house.. well prob a flat somewhere dodgy, then you have your start. Whats outside stays outside, and when you shut the door the place is your own. You let in who you want to let in. I imagine rent would not be too much, but im sure you could be helped out with that.

Once you move out, its marvelous how the family rally round to help, you end up with nan's old stuff that she has been hoarded for years and funny enough over the weekend the undecorated flat looks like nans house, with bits from aunties and uncles houses. People bring round the plate and you nip home to steal a cup and borrow the old kettle mum has under the sink incase the new modern one breaks on her.. but you'll never give it back.

From there your mum will be around, helping you decorate, she will never see so many of your friends, you'll be sick of the people coming about when you want to sit down and chill, funny how old friends tend to pop round when you have your own place now, if you dont catch it your nice little flat becomes a doss house for all your mates, then you find them staying over more and more..and it does get on your nerves..

As time goes on, you head into wilko's etc buying stuff for the house, well so much to buy and you cant buy best first time round, build it all up then replace items as you get more spare £££......

Eventually your all sorted and your relationship with your mum is improves 10fold as she gets her life back, and misses people being about the house.....

---

Now, for me..this is what i seen in my sister. Im the eldest of 3 children. Me being 26, sister being 25 and little brother being 17 (the fool just had a baby, 17 and a baby, poor mum is never going to get a break in life till he grows up..). Now, you shall notice that i like to use the work now alot.. pretty dodgy.

My mum & sister never really got on, it started when she was about 14 yrs old, think it was because you could say i was the golden boy in the family, i was the one who always got good school reports, was in the top sets / grades in school and was expected to do well in life, meanwhile my sister was the opposite.. so things were heated at home. She got pregnant at 17, and disappeared for a few weeks, eventually she came home and mum being stubborn gave her a good hiding, well we all got that when we were young, and if i was not bigger than her today id still be getting it for when i did wrong.. (the youth of today dont know what they are missing.. 'looks at little brother').. and from that she packed her bags and moved into a hostel, she had an abortion as the father / creator of the unborn child was a total dead head in life, someone who would not progress further than collectihg his weekly giro from the post office on whatever day they get it. She met this guy we both knew when we were younger, and today they are both been living together for years..

Sometimes you have to move out to make a start in life. For me this was in 2000, in 1996 i got a part time YTS scheme working as an electrician (4 days work, 1 day college earning £35 a week ), i carried on that and in 2000 i joined the raf, imagine the shock for mum when now 2 of the people of her close family moved out and onto better things, now its nearly 2007, i still have contact with mum, still see her and ring her sometimes, well mainly when she rings me to remind me to ring her.. that we get on. Sisters relationship is far far better now she is away from home, still lives in same city, she now has a daughter, well she is 7 in 1st march, but is preggy again..problem being though that my father / dad had muscular distrophy (cant spell it) so that puts strain on the family incase the unborn child is a carrier or has it.. but this just brings up together..

So in short, apart from all this drizzle..

You DO need to move out. Your 22 now
You can live with close family for a short term (aunts, nans, brothers etc)
Find someone to rent with..
There are rooms for rent for about £50 a week, inc gas and elec.. (just need food)

And dont forget, we are always here for help. Even me...

Take care sweetie, hope things work out for you. if they dont, i have a floor you can sleep on.. rent is £50000 a night :)..

Night..

xxx


(PS - I am not on drugs, nor have i been drinking (not had a drink for about 2 weeks), maybe im feeling happy :):))