Feeling very very down and worried

jazza6

If I could reach out and give not just you, but everyone who has replied, I would but it will have to be a virtual hug just now. I stiill haven't told OH but I simply cannot carry on like this as I've sobbing most of the day, when he wasn't around. To top it all, went along to JobCentre to "sign on" to start receiving contribution based jobseekers allowance and the man there said these would only last 6 months. I asked him what would happen if, GULP and I am so hoping this is not the case, I don't get a job within 6 monhs. He said I would get NOTHING!! I said that would have a very serious effect on me but he said it was a new Government decision and nothing they could do. If I had had the guts I would have jumped in the River Clyde but I don't. I am going to see Citz Advice next week as I am just getting too distraught about everything. God, my OH is going to go MAD.

jazza6

Experian_company_representative wrote: »

Good point made by smartiedriver. Your OH won't be able to see your individual credit history records but his lenders will be able to see and use your data, so if you did start missing payments he might be refused credit or have existing credit facilties trimmed back by concerned lenders.

I really feel for you and it's such a shame you feel you have to deal with this problem alone. Maybe your OH would be more understanding than you're giving him credit for. But it has to be your call.

Have you considered how he would react in say six months if the situation gets worse and then surfaces? He'd probably be just as upset that you didn't fess up straight away and then sit down together to try to sort things out.

Please don't forget there's lots of help out there for you. If you're struggling with your debts and find that speaking to your lenders hasn't helped, reach out to one of the free debt advice organisations like Citizens Advice, Consumer Credit Counselling Service or National Debtline. They WILL be able to help you, I promise.

James Jones

James thank you - see post above which I meant to send to you and also smartiedriver,

J

jazza6

smartiedriver wrote: »

Jazza6 - no, joint accounts are separate and so cannot be used in right of set off for a loan (or overdraft) in your sole name.

It could only be used if there was a loan in joint names.

However, be wary of your credit reports. As you have joint current accounts, you will be financially linked on Experian/Equifax etc and any defaults etc could affect hubbie's credit rating.

Oh God, thanks Smartiedriver for that as I was really scared that they could take money from our joint account from which the mortgage, bills, etc come off and this is/was scaring me half to death. Today's the day!!

debtfree2016

Hi Jazza6
You are getting some sound advice form the above posts i would just like to follow up on what smartidriver said. You are fighting all conrners by yourself at the moment... yes it's going to be difficult to come clean and it may take a little while to come to terms with everything but time heels and you will get there.
Best of luck

FoggyBrain_2

Hi. Sorry to come in so late on this one. Excellent advice above. To be honest, it will be easier to speak to hubby now, rather than later, when your options might have become more limited. At least at the moment you will be able to pick your time, rather than him find out himself.

As for support and people to chat to ( many in the same boat), pop over to https://www.iva.co.uk the people on there are always around to give a virtual hug and shoulder. It might also be an idea to have a look at https://www.iva.com where you will find recommended IVA firms with reviews. Speak to a couple of them for some free and impartial advice.

If you decide on a debt solution, you can choose from a private firm (those at iva.com are recommended ---- beware of others, especially any that contact you "out of the blue" ... the industry IS full of sharks!), or one of the "charity" firms (who, despite clever wording are funded in the same way as the private firms). I know of many Payplan client's who are happy with the service they get. Main thing is, before committing to anything, check it out here or at iva.co.uk ( or both) first.

Best of luck.

jazza6

debtfree2016 wrote: »

Hi Jazza6
You are getting some sound advice form the above posts i would just like to follow up on what smartidriver said. You are fighting all conrners by yourself at the moment... yes it's going to be difficult to come clean and it may take a little while to come to terms with everything but time heels and you will get there.
Best of luck

Thanks debt-free. Have just finished writing a letter to hubby who will find on return from work - what a flipping coward I am. I can't imagine coming home from work and finding that and I would be as upset, angry and disappointed as he is going to be. I'll let everyone know what happens.

FoggyBrian - thanks as well - a big virtual hug to you both. I am popping over to iva.com to have a look.

smartiedriver_2

Good luck chick x

debtfree2016

Hi Jazza6

Best of luck, I do hope between you both that you can be constructive and plan a future out of debt, try not to hide from this... bring it out in the open discuss and move forward.

Vikipollard

Hi Jazza,

If it helps at all, I've been where you are now. Had debts (credit card, loan etc)which partner agreed to act as guarantor for a loan pending divorce settlement. Did the right thing, paying it off when the money came through, but the bank actually persuaded me to keep a small loan.

Before long, the money had gone, and I'd maxed out my credit card, and extended the loan. No one would give me an unsecured loan (house is in OH's name only), and each month as soon as I was paid my money had all gone on debts leaving nothing for food etc, so the spiral perpetuates.

Like you, OH did not know, though the fact that I wouldnt answer the telephone or let anyone else do so lent itself to suspicion.

In July 2006, I was where you are now. Nowhere to turn, and no choice but to tell him. I'd contacted a firm who said they thought IVA was the best option, but that there was no way to keep it from him. So I told him. And yes, it was incredibly painful to see that hurt, anger and all the other emotions it wont help me to list.

BUT... he stood by me. It helped (a bit) that I'd already sought a possible solution first - and one which principally only affected me in so far as the effects on my credit file.

What we decided was that he would have control of all things financial, as I could obviously not control my spending habits. My wages (sorry, I know that's a sore point at the moment) are paid in to his account, and we have a joint account into which an amount is paid for my IVA payment/food/petrol/water rates etc which I manage. And I do a good job of it now.

I won't pretend this has been in any way an easy journey. Him coming to terms with the situation came much earlier than my beginning to forgive myself.

I now have approx 15 months to go of a 6-year IVA (had to go for extra 12 months as not on mortgage).

Take heart sweetie, I hope OH stands by you and you can work it out.

/Virtual hug. x

jazza6

Hi VikiPollard - great name and thanks for the virtual hug - needed it. Isn't it such a relief to get it off your chest? You have obviously done the right thing and you saying your OH forgave you before you forgave yourself, I totally get - I too feel like that - it's the shame of it all.

Well, as I told everyone, I wrote a letter to hubby and left it for him to come home to on Friday. I escaped to the library and actually saw him passing and felt physically sick and wanted to run on and get into the house to tear up the note but I sat there, terrified. A short while later my phone went but I couldn't answer it - just too scared. Then it went again - again I didn't answer. There was a message on my voicemail telling me to come home. I phoned and, I won't pretend, he was raging mad. When I got into the house I was crying and crying and he said that it wasn't my fault I had been made redundant but I should have told him right away about the debts.

We have decided that - well hubby has - that any redundancy money I get is going to pay one of the credit cards off but on trying to work it out I will still owe a couple of hundred pounds so I don't know if they will "write off" once they know I can't pay anything else. He will approach our mortgage lender to re-mortgage and add in my other one - can't add it all on mortgage or we won't be able to afford the payments. That just leaves two loans. Going to CAB tomorrow to see if they can help and will just ask Bank if I can extend loan or pay minimum amount until I get a job. Hubby does not want to go down the bankrupt route.

Will let everyone know how I get on but I just want to say a HUGE thank you as I think, without all your advice, I might have done something stupid.