We'd like to remind Forumites to please avoid political debate on the Forum. This is to keep it a safe and useful space for MoneySaving discussions. Threads that are - or become - political in nature may be removed in line with the Forum’s rules. Thank you for your understanding.
We're aware that dates on the Forum are not currently showing correctly. Please bear with us while we get this fixed, and see Site feedback for updates.

I'm new - please help...

centralpark
centralpark Posts: 60 Forumite
edited 29 June 2011 am30 7:31AM in Debt-free wannabe
Dear money savers..

Im in a pickle financially and am going round in circles searching for my best option. I have been with my partner for 2 years and have notched up a large chunk of my debt with him. If I had known him better I would never have re-opened my credit cards - they were all paid off - but its done now. He has large debts of his own (i think approx 15k) which he has spent years running from. He is really reluctant to talk about it and I have tried getting advice on them but to no avail; national debtline advised getting a copy of his credit report but despite applying - and paying - three or 4 times, the passcode to access his credit files never arrived. Since he moved in with me we have received some settlement offer letters from collections agencies for some of his debt but he hast done anything about it. I moved back home after my divorce, once my ex had moved into his new house and he had left our home in a right state. My new partner is a builder and set about doing the place up - which i paid for on credit cards. He always said "don't worry, don't worry we'll sort it out" and I stupidly thought we would. We've been back in my house for a year and a half and he hasnt done anything to help me. I don't wish to make him sound like a monster - he pays my mortgage - but I dont think he is that willing to support me in repaying these debts. I contacted cccs and went through my earnings etc - I left him out of it other than saying he pays mortgage and they suggested bankruptcy was my only option given that my earnings only just cover my living expenses. Howver, the situation is far from straightforward - 1. I do have a partner living with me, im not living alone on one wage, 2. im still on mortgage with my ex, i dont want to drag him through worry/embarrassment of bankruptcy or risk the house (its in negative equity). I want to stand up and take responsibility for what I have borrowed, I just dont know the best way to do it. Part of me feels I should just work on the basis that I am single - if I twist my partners arm for money and then he leaves me down the track i will be facing repayments i cannot afford. As I said he does pay mortgage for me and he also pays money to his ex for his children to help her out but to him, holidays and new things are more important than debts. He doesnt spend on himself in terms of clothes etc and gets upset when i say about his spending, but whether its for him or for us i really resent it because the money could be clearing our debts. He spends on stuff for the house, he bought a caravan (350) then decided it was crap and wants to buy a better one, he borrowed 450 off my best friend and bought a car which promptly failed its mot and had to be scrapped and he was really slow to pay her back, he sits and looks at holidays and on ebay and in the argos catalogue for hours and my stomach knots up - its not my money he is spendidng but he is not paying anything towards OUR debt. I have filled in a statement of affairs based on joint income, im not sure what other info to offer up but any help or advice would be hugely appreciated. thank you so much..

Statement of Affairs and Personal Balance Sheet[/b]
Household Information
Number of adults in household........... 2
Number of children in household......... 0
Number of cars owned.................... 1
Monthly Income Details
Monthly income after tax................ 1495
Partners monthly income after tax....... 1760
Benefits................................ 0
Other income............................ 0
Total monthly income.................... 3255
Monthly Expense Details
Mortgage................................ 472
Secured/HP loan repayments.............. 0
Rent.................................... 0
Management charge (leasehold property).. 0
Council tax............................. 114
Electricity............................. 100in arrears
Gas..................................... 100in arrears
Oil..................................... 0
Water rates............................. 50in arrears
Telephone (land line)................... 30
Mobile phone............................ 80for both of our phones (i pay) im trapped in this contract until aug 2012 and have tried to change tarriff but the next one down wasnt cheaper.
TV Licence.............................. 13
Satellite/Cable TV...................... 0
Internet Services....................... 20
Groceries etc. ......................... 200 i struggle big time with food shopping. OH lunchbox costs me 15-20 a week with all the crisps etc he eats - 3 in lunch box and 2 or 3 packs when he gets home. I think i am probably spendidng more than this on food
Clothing................................ 1
Petrol/diesel........................... 300 self employed and travelling over 1300 miles a month
Road tax................................ 21
Car Insurance........................... 59
Car maintenance (including MOT)......... 20
Car parking............................. 0
Other travel............................ 0
Childcare/nursery....................... 0
Other child related expenses............ 0
Medical (prescriptions, dentist etc).... 0
Pet insurance/vet bills................. 100i know this is high. i learnt through bitter experience that its best to have insurance. this figure also covers my horse which is kept for free with my boss and all his tack and equipment. I dont incur any other horse expenses other than insurance
Buildings insurance..................... 15
Contents insurance...................... 20
Life assurance ......................... 7
Other insurance......................... 0
Presents (birthday, christmas etc)...... 30 idont budget for birthdays but i usually give people a scratchcard. i buy my boss' children birthday and christmas presents - under £10 and spend about 250+ on partner at christmas/birthday
Haircuts................................ 2i dont get my haircut but had to fill in this box
Entertainment........................... 100 have filled in because we do go out sometimes but we dont save for it - OH pays but every round costs at least £10 because all his change goes in fruit machine :(
Holiday................................. 50 again, we dont set aside but we do go on holiday usually at a cost of 250pp all inclusive so i have just stuck a figure in
Emergency fund.......................... 0
Total monthly expenses.................. 1904

Assets
Cash.................................... 0
House value (Gross)..................... 117000
Shares and bonds........................ 0
Car(s).................................. 3000
Other assets............................ 0
Total Assets............................ 120000

Secured & HP Debts
Description....................Debt......Monthly...APR
Mortgage...................... 134000...(472)......4.1
Total secured & HP debts...... 134000....-.........-
Unsecured Debts
Description....................Debt......Monthly...APR
argos..........................1025......33........29.9
barclaycard....................1000......27........19.9in arrears
capital one....................285.......9.........34.9
westcot collections............2000......100.......17.73
santander......................350.......0.........12.9
mbna...........................3000......90........16.7in arrears
hsbc...........................2000......100.......19.9
hsbc...........................2539......77........16.9in arrears
Total unsecured debts..........12199.....436.......-

Monthly Budget Summary
Total monthly income.................... 3,255
Expenses (including HP & secured debts). 1,904
Available for debt repayments........... 1,351
Monthly UNsecured debt repayments....... 436
Amount left after debt repayments....... 915
Personal Balance Sheet Summary
Total assets (things you own)........... 120,000
Total HP & Secured debt................. -134,000
Total Unsecured debt.................... -12,199
Net Assets.............................. -26,199

Just to add - I have been looking at the reclaiming guides on MSE and I am going to track back and check out HP agreements etc that I have held in the past - I know I have paid mortgage exit fees. Also, I am with Alliance and Leicester (Santander) and have already reclaimed some bank charges around 6-12 months ago (claimed 1500 and got 500). I am still paying massive charges and this is causing me no end of difficulty in meeting my monthly payments. I know it probably sounds like I havent learned how to budget - maybe I havent - it always seems to be somethng totally unexpected that starts the ball rolling. I went into branch about 6 weeks ago and begged them to help me - i was paying 150 charges a week but the said until you are a certain amount over your limit they wont help you - this tends not to happen because i get paid weekly so i only (!) go around 200 or less over my limit - this is not considered to be enough. I have just been online to check my account and have discovered to my utter dismay that I have £90 charges scheduled to go out in July -
12 Jul UNPAID ITEM FEE - SO £25.00
12 Jul PAID ITEM FEE CARD PAYMENT TO CREDITEXPERT.CO.UK,7.99 GBP ON 17-05-2011 £25.00
12 Jul DAILY UNARRANGED OVERDRAFT FEE £30.00
12 Jul DAILY ARRANGED OVERDRAFT FEE £10.00
I have already tried to reclaim bank charges in the past and got a "goodwill" payment of somwhere under £500 (claim was for £1200) but since then I have incurred another £915 charges - I'm always surfing very close to the wind with earnings only just covering the basics. Is it worth submitting another claim?

Also - crumbs I'm glad i remembered this - I have trouble working things out because I always work things out in nice neat little monthly figures, but we both get paid weekly which makes things harder because you dont have one lump of money, just little regular amounts. Any tips on managing weekly wages and how to factor this into working out repayments would be gratefully received. OK i think thats everything, sorry for essay like proportions of post and thank you so so much everyone!
«13

Comments

  • honeybun16
    honeybun16 Posts: 139 Forumite
    Part of the Furniture Combo Breaker
    did not want to read an run, can't advise too much on the SOA others are much better qualified than me, however on the weekly wages bit i know what works for us,

    We have a separate savings account and each weekly payday move our money all across and try to pretend it has not arrived, then at the end of the month move all the money back into the main account as if it is a monthly payday, this is hard to get to at first as you are used to living week to week but if you can try and save the third weeks money until the fourths comes in and then the second until the fourth and so on it can be done and once you get to the point you will find that if becomes easier and also means that you have access to next months wages( if you know what i mean) in this month is needed for an emergency.
    2 adults 4 children Eldest 14 yrs old youngest 1yr old,
    Total Credit July £38K Aug £37K Sept £37K Oct £33K Nov £26K Dec £60K May £56K Nov £52K Apr £21K :eek:
    What most people need to learn in life is how to love people and use things instead of using people and loving things
  • wuzzypoo
    wuzzypoo Posts: 117 Forumite
    Part of the Furniture 10 Posts Combo Breaker
    Hi Central,

    Another who didn't want to read and run, but can't offer much help on the SAO, but if you know this site there will be some fab folk along soon to give you a bit of help and advice.

    I don't want to sound critical , but it sounds like you feel endebted to your bf for paying your mortgage, but even though I do undertsand how this is a major help, it doesn't excuse him from doing the other stuff. believe me, I know what it's like, as I got into a lot of debt with a bf, like a total numpty it was all in my name, then he beggered off and who was left with the debt?? yup, Moi! I'm still paying it and struggling years later, so please try to do something to stop your bf spending in your name. Is he spending on credit cards? if so can't you cut them up and tell him that you've done it as you can't afford the repayments etc? It does sound like he's got his head in the sand about his debts. but that doesn't make it an excuse to drag you into it all, if he's paying your mortgage or not.

    I don't want to upset you, but you do need to get to grips with him otherwise it is a very short slippery road into trouble. if he borrows money from friends, make him pay it back, and not with your cards.

    I'm sure you love him and don't want to loose him, but he can't carry on doing this to you. i'm sure you've already said this to yourself so many times, and I do think that putting it in writing on this site will have really made you think about it even further, as admitting things like this in writing with others reading is normally the shock you need to do something about, and I'm sure you'll be able to get this sorted. it won't be an overnight solution, but when you know it's being sorted it does help.

    sorry if this sounds a bit curt and short but you don't need the stress of this when it isn't you who's the out of control shopper.

    the only bit of advice I could give about your wages is what I used to do when i was paid weekly. I added up everything i paid in a month, divided by 4 and then left that amount in the bank each month to cover bills etc. i know this is so obvious, but that's sometimes the easiest route.

    Good luck central, and I'm sure someone will be on here soon with some decent advice for you.
  • Thank you - writing everything down did make me think - to clarify - he isnt spending on my credit cards, he persuaded me to do it but that was when we 1st moved in. the only other thing we got on tick was a new cooker because my old one expired (it was ancient) so i have that on an argos card. He did come into the kitchen last night and say to just tell him what we needed each month and he would sort it. We had a bit of a chat and he said he is happy to help out and will give every penny if needed but just really wants to get house finished etc as really gets him down (it is a mess still). He thinks we need abot 1000 to finish house plus we are supposed to be going camping aug 12th which i had totally forgotten about which is 55 each for ticket etc he said maybe most sensible thing is if i can somehow stall creditors until after that trip which gives him time to save up to finish house, and cover cost of camping and then he can chip in from say sept. so thats a positive! i think that makes sense but i dont know if i can stall the creditors?
    also the westcot 2k debt - that is an old student overdraft that i have been hassled about for years (im 28 now) but have always paid into so they have never been able to do anything. debt has been passed on again so this is the 2nd collections agency now - is it worth asking what they would be prepared to settle it for? thanks everyone
  • FireWyrm
    FireWyrm Posts: 6,557 Forumite
    Part of the Furniture Combo Breaker Debt-free and Proud!
    We had a bit of a chat and he said he is happy to help out and will give every penny if needed but just really wants to get house finished etc as really gets him down (it is a mess still). He thinks we need abot 1000 to finish house plus we are supposed to be going camping aug 12th which i had totally forgotten about which is 55 each for ticket etc he said maybe most sensible thing is if i can somehow stall creditors until after that trip which gives him time to save up to finish house, and cover cost of camping and then he can chip in from say sept.

    Hello

    I'm sorry you're in this mess, and it's going to hurt to get out of it, but the truth is, the advice isnt sensible...not in the least. You literally cannot afford to go camping according to your SOA. You are in arrears with basic utilities and your money should be spent there in the very short term. If your partner is willing to help out, then he should be shown this SOA, he needs to know exactly what is involved and what its going to take to get you all out of this. If he's really serious about you, he'll stick around, if not, then you need to go onto a debt management program right now. You're sinking faster than you can paddle by the look of it and you need to get out of this as fast as possible. From a money saving aspect, may I suggest you consider selling your horse? I know it's painful and I dont know if this would be cost effective, but it's certainly a consideration. You need to get a grip on your food bills. My personal experience is that you're probably worse off than you think. Start keeping a spending diary immediately and analyse your true spend on food. I know children winge if they cant have what they want, but it seems that the biggest percentage of your food budget is going on lunchboxes and what some might consider to be junk food. Can you cut this down? It wont make much difference in the short term, but over time, it will start to help little by little.

    Ok, this is make or break time. Do you have anything to sell? Anything at all that you can part with such as pieces of gold, stocks, game stations and the kids piggy bank if you must. Most people have a few hundred pounds of jewellery floating around the house. You're in a desperate situation, so needs must right now.

    Your car insurance looks really high. You might want to take a close look at that on the comparison sites. Go through you DD's and make sure that this is all of them. Can any be re-negotiated? Can you get payment holidays? Can you speak to the creditors and explain the situation and can they suggest a short term alternative to relieve the pressure?

    I notice your partner uses fruit machines? I assume he's using his own money and not household finances to do this? If he's using the house-money, then he has to stop, if his own, then it really isnt part of the larger pot.

    Your biggest up-comming expense is the holiday. My advice, painful as it is, is cancel it and put the money to your utility arrears. If your partner wants to chip in money, well and good, but it really would be silly to go on holiday knowing that you're out of electricity and gas.
    Debt Free! Long road, but we did it
    Meet my best friend : YNAB (you need a budget)
    My other best friend is a filofax.
    Do or do not, there is no try....Yoda.

    [/COLOR]
  • beabea81
    beabea81 Posts: 91 Forumite
    I want to stand up and take responsibility for what I have borrowed, I just dont know the best way to do it.

    Well done, that is one of the hardest things to do. Took me a very long time indeed! I'm new here and I can't really offer any advice but the people here are great. If all goes to plan and I make the savings we have estimated I can I have taken my debt repayments from 8 years to just over 2... in two days!

    I'm wishing you lots and lots of luck with this,

    Much love, Bea x
    July NSD Challenge: 2/16
    Aiming for 4 in a row
    It is not necessary to understand things in order to argue about them- Caron de Beaumarchais
  • atush
    atush Posts: 18,731 Forumite
    Part of the Furniture 10,000 Posts Name Dropper
    Congratualtions on your first step on the long road out of debt. Well done. Look over all we have to say, and don't take any brutal truths personally, we aren't being mean and we only want the best for you.

    First of all, sit down and go over the SOA with your partner. Maybe seeing it in black and white will help him stop doing stupid things like the fruit machine. But a true SOA with his income in it should really have his debt in it too. I agree with the above post that your partner is dragging you down with him and he needs to change too if you are to stay together and pull yourself out of debt. Don't feel he is helping you by paying your mtg- he is living there too so is paying his share of living costs as if he were a lodger. If you pay the bills and food you are probably paying more. And he won't be around long term if he doesn't cut down on crisps- his intake of 6+ packs a day not to mention what else he may eat is a very dangerous game to play with his health re salt/fat intake not to mention the costs.

    Second, cut out everything you can. From the camping holiday to cutting down on other bills like food (inlc crisps) and insurance. See if you can get things cheaper (such as internet and insurance). Far be it from me to tell you to sell your horse, but you can't really afford it from your SOA. My BGF had a nasty divorce and was forced to downsize from a large house in the country to a small one in town and had to get rid of her chickens and other msall animals etc and I know how upsetting it was. But she couldn't afford a place for them to live, and you can't afford the 100/mon costs. I am not sure why you can't downgrade your phone contracts, I just downgraded my iphone contract half way through.

    Contact the CAB and the CCCS, they will help you to write to your creditors. See if you can lower your APR or even freeze accts. You need to act soon before you fall further behind.
  • Thanks for all your advice - I can't sell my horse as he has a litany of problems - luckily because i would rather sell a kidney 1st - but as i said i literally pay nothing for him other than insurance, he doesnt wear shoes and my boss covers everything else.
    I'm sorry you're in this mess, and it's going to hurt to get out of it, but the truth is, the advice isnt sensible...not in the least. You literally cannot afford to go camping according to your SOA. You are in arrears with basic utilities and your money should be spent there in the very short term. If your partner is willing to help out, then he should be shown this SOA, he needs to know exactly what is involved and what its going to take to get you all out of this. If he's really serious about you, he'll stick around, if not, then you need to go onto a debt management program right now.
    I dont think i will be able to put pressure on OH to forgo his plans for rennovations or camping, he has agreed to help out but not until these are out of the way. We don't really have "one pot" we each have our wages and each things we pay - he pays mortgage, maintenance and some over paid housing benefit he is repaying and i pay everyhing else. Whats left just gets spent which is nothng in my case. I don't want to lean too heavily on him in case things dont work out in the long term - as I said earlier if he walked out I would be shouldered with repayments and mortgage that I have no money to meet. It shouldnt be so difficult - we earn nearly 40k between us and owe 12k, it should be totally do-able, i just get over whelmed doing the maths. At the moment we each have our own bank accounts and a seperate account that the mortgage goes out of. I pay everything out of my wages account including an allowance of 100 a week to cover fuel and food (which it doesnt nearly). Should we be approaching this differently?
  • RAS
    RAS Posts: 34,462 Forumite
    Part of the Furniture 10,000 Posts Name Dropper
    if he walked out you might well get mortgage support to cover the interest.

    Please check out www.turn2us.org.uk
    If you've have not made a mistake, you've made nothing
  • robsmum_2
    robsmum_2 Posts: 1,753 Forumite
    I dont think i will be able to put pressure on OH to forgo his plans for rennovations or camping, he has agreed to help out but not until these are out of the way. Should we be approaching this differently?


    Central: Welcome to the boards and well done for taking the 1st Step towards being debt free.

    I don't want to sound harsh but you simply can not afford to do these. If your OH genuinely wants to help then he has to accept that these are luxuries and not essential.
    Having been in this situation with my Ex I would ask myself what comes after the camping?

    I would also agree with other posters that your S.O.A. is probably not yet a true picture of the situation. I know when I first started it took me a while to really understand how much was spent.Start a spending diary today and write down literally every penny you spend - I was shocked with mine.

    If you don't get your OH on board quickly you are going to find this situation gets worse. You need to look really closely at your expenditure and have to slash things drastically.

    Also just looked at your S.O.A. and there is no parking costs.
    Debt at start of DMP 1/6/09: £2942 - £1942
    Buffer Zone 1; £84 -
    £2 saving plan:-
  • thanks robs mum.. i dont pay any parking anywhere so I havent put a figure in. I keep a food diary (for weight loss) and find it really helpful to know what youre putting in your mouth so i can see how t works with spending, although i tend not to spend on anything other than asda shop because i dont have any spare money. im wondering if i should just have left OH money out of my SoA now other than as a mortgage contribution. No one seems to be picking up on the fact that if possible I would rather be have a plan A that applies to my income and keep using OH money as a plan B - ive just been through a divorce - im just trying to watch my back..
This discussion has been closed.
Meet your Ambassadors

🚀 Getting Started

Hi new member!

Our Getting Started Guide will help you get the most out of the Forum

Categories

  • All Categories
  • 348.3K Banking & Borrowing
  • 252.1K Reduce Debt & Boost Income
  • 452.4K Spending & Discounts
  • 240.9K Work, Benefits & Business
  • 617.2K Mortgages, Homes & Bills
  • 175.7K Life & Family
  • 254.1K Travel & Transport
  • 1.5M Hobbies & Leisure
  • 16K Discuss & Feedback
  • 15.1K Coronavirus Support Boards

Is this how you want to be seen?

We see you are using a default avatar. It takes only a few seconds to pick a picture.