My Boyfriend has a mortgage with his ex and is still paying for it...

LilB_3

cte1111 wrote: »

Sounds like the best idea would be to sell the house. Is there any equity in the property? If so, your BF and his ex would need to come to an agreement about how to split the proceeds.

Iris_Blue wrote: »

You're not going to get good advice from these boards on a topic like this.

It's better to do it amicable. She is the mother of his children and it is the childrens home. They were together 13 years.

atush wrote: »

They should sell the house, or she sould 'buy him out' even if that means taking over the mortage. They need to come to an agreement (amicable is best), and he needs to support his kids, but he is under no obligation to support her, so she should be paying her share. He should pay her the agreed amount per month, and she should pay the mtg and bills using this money and her own earnings.

They need to get the monthly support he will continue to pay, and the custody arrangements setlled. They may be able to do this via mediation, rather than having to pay out for solcitors- contact citizens advice. The fact that he has been paying for EVERYTHING for 3 years now will stand him in good stead as being a more than resonable person. He is not obligated to support her with alimony as they weren't married, but he is obligated to look after his children and is doing so. I am for one, heartened by a father who supports his children so well.

This is all good advice, Blondiex.

I do think the thread needs moving though.

Blondiex_2

atush wrote: »

They should sell the house, or she sould 'buy him out' even if that means taking over the mortage. They need to come to an agreement (amicable is best), and he needs to support his kids, but he is under no obligation to support her, so she should be paying her share. He should pay her the agreed amount per month, and she should pay the mtg and bills using this money and her own earnings.

They need to get the monthly support he will continue to pay, and the custody arrangements setlled. They may be able to do this via mediation, rather than having to pay out for solcitors- contact citizens advice. The fact that he has been paying for EVERYTHING for 3 years now will stand him in good stead as being a more than resonable person. He is not obligated to support her with alimony as they weren't married, but he is obligated to look after his children and is doing so. I am for one, heartened by a father who supports his children so well.

In any case be careful. He didn't marry the mother of his children, so it could be you in some years time left behind for a younger woman with kids to support.

Thank you Your post has helped me compared to everyone elses. I will get back to him x

moneysaymoneydo

So his ex and kids move to a council house? he has a priority until his kids are 18 to provide for them and unfortunately because he comes with 'baggage' you will always be going without at least you can have respect for him in that he is paying for his kids some just stop paying for the first lot when they meet someone new and have more and just wonder if you have kids to him buy house then he leaves you for someone else should you and your kids move to a council house?

dimbo61

Having been there and done that I maybe able to offer my opinions!
If she went to the CSA he would have to pay 20% of his net take home pay ( please avoid the CSA at all costs)
She will if she is working part time over 16 hours get Working tax credit, child tax credit, child benefit, wages and even income support plus anything your boyfriend pays!
She will only pay 75% council tax as she is the only adult in the house?
If he is paying all the mortgage every month does he also pay extra for the kids?
If he told her next week I am only going to pay half the mortgage would she contact the CSA?
I doubt if she would be able to "take over the mortgage" as she wont be earning enough unless its a small mortgage.
So they agree to sell the house and split the equity ( 50/50) ( 60/40) (70/30) % and what can she buy in the area ( needs 3 bedrooms) with her share of the equity and part time earnings ( some lenders take into account benefits)
It is at times a total nightmare and thats without the CSA getting involved so please understand the positions of all 3 people involved you, your B/F ( who is supporting his kids) and the EX
Good Luck

GavB79

Well, seeing as you're on this board read around a few threads and maybe he can pay the mortgage off. Problem solved.

meer53

Blondiex wrote: »

Hi all,

I am not an expert on Mortgages as I am only 22. However I have been with my boyfriend for over 2 years who is 36. Before me, he was in a 13 year relationship with his ex, he has got 2 children with her and they had a mortgage on a house in kent. However he is now living with his mum in Surrey but still paying for the mortgage and all the bills for his ex and 2 children to live there. It has been over 3 years since he split with her and he has to work 7 days a week in order to pay for the mortgage and to live!

We have spoken many times about it and it is a huge stress on his shoulders. The problem is, his ex is unable to get a house from the council as her name is still on the mortgage, therefore they do not want to know, the only way she could get a house on the council is to declare herself and the 2 children as homeless which my boyfriend will not allow because of the 2 children. So the dilema is, how can she get into a council house or how can her name be removed of the mortgage? My boyfriend says that he needs to go to Citezens Advice, but keeps putting it off as he is ALWAYS working.

I feel it is time to take action and to try and push him forward as he is practically throwing money down the drain and his ex is living an easy life whilst he pays for everything apart from food and doesnt even live there!

Any help much appreciated. Sorry for the long post!

You say in your post that he is practically throwing money down the drain and that his ex is living an easy life. You also say you feel that it is time to take action to push him along.

These comments say a lot to me about how you feel about his ex. The advice you have been given about keeping out of it and letting him sort it out is good advice. Even if he has asked you to help, you should tell him that he needs to sort this out as you can't be impartial feeling the way that you do.

My ex pays my mortgage and also pays me maintenance, if his girlfriend made comments like that about me, i'd be right round to sort her out !! Put yourself in her shoes, it might be stressful for you and your ex but to be a single mum with 2 children isn't easy, believe me, i know.

vax2002

It's called baggage and it comes with him...

surreybased

Oh dear, what helpful responses! It depends on what your b/f wants to achieve. There isn't one solution when it comes to parents separating. There is no set formulae (other an CSA for child maintenance) and it does depend on the children, their ages, whether or not the mum works (or children are old enough for her to work).

Generally I would say it's best that people who are no longer partners should separate their finances. Currently they are still linked financially on the mortgage and that might be best to break, just to avoid damaging each other's credit. If a couple have separated then taking steps to formalise that separation is usually sensible.

So in this case it's about how to end the joint mortgage but still provide suitable housing for the children. That of course will depend on the equity in the house, if the mum is working etc.

If your b/f is motivated by the situation he will fix it so whilst you can support him he has to be the driving force. However dads often continue to keep the status quo as they are afraid they might not see their children. That isn't the best reason for keeping the finances the same as when they were together. If he's scared of the implications of having a financial conversation with his ex he would be best to get support from father support sites (FNF).