My Boyfriend has a mortgage with his ex and is still paying for it...

Blondiex_2

Hi all,

I am not an expert on Mortgages as I am only 22. However I have been with my boyfriend for over 2 years who is 36. Before me, he was in a 13 year relationship with his ex, he has got 2 children with her and they had a mortgage on a house in kent. However he is now living with his mum in Surrey but still paying for the mortgage and all the bills for his ex and 2 children to live there. It has been over 3 years since he split with her and he has to work 7 days a week in order to pay for the mortgage and to live!

We have spoken many times about it and it is a huge stress on his shoulders. The problem is, his ex is unable to get a house from the council as her name is still on the mortgage, therefore they do not want to know, the only way she could get a house on the council is to declare herself and the 2 children as homeless which my boyfriend will not allow because of the 2 children. So the dilema is, how can she get into a council house or how can her name be removed of the mortgage? My boyfriend says that he needs to go to Citezens Advice, but keeps putting it off as he is ALWAYS working.

I feel it is time to take action and to try and push him forward as he is practically throwing money down the drain and his ex is living an easy life whilst he pays for everything apart from food and doesnt even live there!

Any help much appreciated. Sorry for the long post!

Indigo899

I think you should leave it to your partner and his ex to sort out.

It is his responsibility to provide for his children and keep them in a familiar and comfortable house. Why should they have to leave their home? It's really not any of your business!

A Dad's first priority should always be to his children and not his new girlfriend. Sorry to be blunt, but you should have realised that before you took up with him!

CLAPTON

he needs to see a solicitor who specialises in divorce etc

Blondiex_2

CLAPTON wrote: »

he needs to see a solicitor who specialises in divorce etc

He wasnt married to her.

Blondiex_2

Indigo899 wrote: »

I think you should leave it to your partner and his ex to sort out.

It is his responsibility to provide for his children and keep them in a familiar and comfortable house. Why should they have to leave their home? It's really not any of your business!

A Dad's first priority should always be to his children and not his new girlfriend. Sorry to be blunt, but you should have realised that before you took up with him!

Yeah fair enough they should stay in a familiar house, but he shouldnt have to pay for his ex to live there as she is the reason why they split up in the first place. AND he asked me to get involved and help him. I know his priority are his children. I am just trying to help him!

cte1111

Sounds like the best idea would be to sell the house. Is there any equity in the property? If so, your BF and his ex would need to come to an agreement about how to split the proceeds.

Iris_Blue

You're not going to get good advice from these boards on a topic like this.

It's better to do it amicable. She is the mother of his children and it is the childrens home. They were together 13 years and I'm sure you don't know everything that went on , even if he says he's told you everything.

How would you feel if you was this woman and his young g/f of 2 years is now encouraging her ex to ask her and her 2 children to live in a council house?

I'm sorry if I sound blunt but it isn't your battle ( no offence ) and you should really stay out of it. If he's happy for it to plod along this way then so be it. You say he's asked for your help but is that after you've pushed him to do so ?

They need to see a solicitor. You need to leave it.

CLAPTON

Blondiex wrote: »

He wasnt married to her.

the advice stands

atush

They should sell the house, or she sould 'buy him out' even if that means taking over the mortage. They need to come to an agreement (amicable is best), and he needs to support his kids, but he is under no obligation to support her, so she should be paying her share. He should pay her the agreed amount per month, and she should pay the mtg and bills using this money and her own earnings.

They need to get the monthly support he will continue to pay, and the custody arrangements setlled. They may be able to do this via mediation, rather than having to pay out for solcitors- contact citizens advice. The fact that he has been paying for EVERYTHING for 3 years now will stand him in good stead as being a more than resonable person. He is not obligated to support her with alimony as they weren't married, but he is obligated to look after his children and is doing so. I am for one, heartened by a father who supports his children so well.

In any case be careful. He didn't marry the mother of his children, so it could be you in some years time left behind for a younger woman with kids to support.

Blondiex_2

Iris_Blue wrote: »

You're not going to get good advice from these boards on a topic like this.

It's better to do it amicable. She is the mother of his children and it is the childrens home. They were together 13 years and I'm sure you don't know everything that went on , even if he says he's told you everything.

How would you feel if you was this woman and his young g/f of 2 years is now encouraging her ex to ask her and her 2 children to live in a council house?

I'm sorry if I sound blunt but it isn't your battle ( no offence ) and you should really stay out of it. If he's happy for it to plod along this way then so be it. You say he's asked for your help but is that after you've pushed him to do so ?

They need to see a solicitor. You need to leave it.

I understand that, but his ex knows the ropes and has even tried to get in to a council house herself. But they wont allow it. He told me all of this from the start and I am NOT pushing him, he came to me for help. I am not getting involved out of my own selfishness, I just wanted to get some advice to help him out. It was HIS idea to get them out of the house as he is having to work 24/7 and he can not cope. I am not pushing him to do anything and he is NOT happy to plod along, hence why he asked me to help and why I posted this!

I am just trying to be a decent person and help him but obviously you lot are against me doing that so maybe I will just leave it and watch him suffer.

Thanks all the for great advice NOT!

What a waste of time.

Iris_Blue

No one is against you helping it at all.No one has even said that you are selfish. No one has attacked you in any way so I'm not sure why you're being sarcastic. I didn't write my post to be rude to you, don't take it personally. I'm sorry if you have taken it that way.

Everyones advice is for YOU to stay out of it, stay out of it because it doesn't concern you, however much you want to help. The bottom line is seek a solictors advice ..but obviously it's not what you want to hear.

Why would you want or even care to get advice from a bunch of people who want to pay off their mortgages?

The above advice is right , she needs to see if she can afford the home in her own right but she sounds as if she won't go hence see a solictor .