My SOA :(

GeorgieFTB

Bea

I'm sorry for the tone of the responses you have got, all things you did need to hear but maybe with a little more sugar!!!:o

Well done for being totally honest, I will admit that I thought you had made a mistake on the presents... I went the other way, I'm as tight as a ducks whoopsy!!!:D I won't buy my kids DSs, they are saving up and have been for a very long time, they nearly have enough to buy one each, I did try to tell them that they could try to share one, didn't go down well!:D But they will learn how to search for the best value option on the internet...

For the woman that has everything (sorry couldn't remember if you had said sister in law) if she has kids, babysitting vouchers!!! I got a book from my student sister by far my favourite present that year!!!

I'm impressed with your groceries, there are only three of us and I struggle to keep it under 175!

You seem to be going in the right direction, have you done all the calculations to make sure that paying off your debt and paying the interest is really cheaper, it might well be I don't know much about brighthouse, but clearing any debt you can does make a difference to your budget and mood!

Sorry this has turned into a long post, I just didn't want you to think that everyone on here would get at you!

Gx

beabea81

Thank you everyone for the responses, not just the nice ones! Whilst some of them were a little harsh they all contained something I could use.

DFW is a bit like CBT. One thing at a time it is changing the way I think about money. Brighthouse is a perfect example. I got so used to paying £x per week that when that arrangement was paid up I would think nothing of getting something to the same weekly value, not really looking at the fact that I would be paying almost £5000 for something that wouldn't be worth £2000 of anyones money!

I have looked into it and I can save a bit of money of money if I get contents insurance as with brighthouse I pay Damage Liability cover and Optional Service Cover totalling £11.39 per week! So I can reduce my £37 per week to £23 and that means I will pay £3246 over the next three years not £5190! Subtract the cost of Contents insurance for that time and I will have saved £1404 or £406 per year! Which I could use to pay the water and be clear of that in just less a tad less than 4 and it wont have cost me any more than I am spending currently and I will have Contents insurance for free! Not a bad evenings work that lol

A few people have asked what I get for my monthly banking fee of £13. The answer, in short, is nothing tangible. It's a managed account where all of my bills get paid into one account, they hold all I need for DD's and the rest is transferred to my cashcard. Tomorrow's job is to look into getting a new account where I can save the £13 a month and shave another £156 a year off my water debt and 8 months in payments in the process!

More excellent news...... have just called Sky to find out when my contract is up as I couldn't find it anywhere on the paperwork and guess what... my contract has expired and am on a rolling contract leaving me free to search online for a better deal! Also saving another £111 a year on my Sky protect thingy! I am seriously doing a happy dance right now! I've just shaved another 4 months of payments off my water bill whilst still not costing me a penny!


Thanks for the supportive words mum2one. I try not to use past experiences as excuses but there is no denying a psychological link between some of my experiences and the way I treat money today. I never excuse it though... I spend too much on them, simple. That si my fault and whatever the trigger may be to doing so is irrelevant, I am not led by my psyche... I make the choice to put 'stuff' for the boys before bills. The one thing I want for them is security and whilst we just about manage it financially it is not as secure as I would like and this is why my DFW quest is so important to me. I have taught them to kind, polite, caring, thoughtful strong willed boys. I see now it is equally important to teach them, through example, how to live a good life with the least amount of stress possible and good money sense is certainly a large part of most peoples daily stress. I love living where I do and when I am debt free and can afford to save for 'emergencies' I will certainly try to (if the gov't dont remove the eligibility int he mean time!) That is another focus for me then... get debt free so I can buy the house I love! I'm sorry you're having a rough time - CAFCASS are no joke when they get their heels dug into something! We do our best to show our children we love them but sometimes part of being a good parent is never feeling like you have done enough, I think that's where spending on them comes into it. I'm a member of Netmums and their slogan 'Good enough is Good enough' is the only thing I live by these days and the one I will remember when it comes to spending on them at xmas time!

Much love, Bea x x

whitelabel

re the sky, good news, perhaps just use the existing sky box for free sat, a one off cost of £20 i think to sky
wont be able to record but youll get plenty of channels and the yearly saving may help till you sort things out. alternatively cancel and then wait for a 6 month free retention offer on the lowest tarrif

atush

Firstly, why is it even relevant that I live ina council house? I am eligible to buy this house but the cost of Insurances and mortgage isn't worth it. I have fabulous neighbours, the area is good and the house is really big - I CHOOSE to live here why are you implying that it is a negative thing? I'm glad you earn plenty and choose not to spend it and I'm also glad that any explanation I give will 'fall on deaf ears' (ie 'I've said my bit I don't care what you have to say' - nice!)

You completely misunderstood my point.

Council house is relevant as you don't own therefor have no equity (ie stored wealth) in this property. If you owned, it could be sold and you could use the equity in a warst case scenario.
2, I mentioned our circumstances only to show you (as others have) how badly you were overspending in this area. I we can't afford to double our spending on presents for the children,it is quite certain you cannot afford your current rate of spend and this has what has helped put you in the red. Obv from what you have since said you have some outstanding (and outstandingly awful) childhood issues that cause you to overspend in this way. But you are doing yourself and your children no good in over spoiling them and going into debt as you have, in the process. You cannot afford it, so you need to cut back.

Pets. You have them, you love them, I understand it. But, as I told my BGF after her divorce ( i was helping her undestand her finances as she wasn't 'allowed' before) to a high paid man who she supported thru university who left her for his mistress, 'You cannot afford to feed your 2 dogs, 5 cats, and flock of chickens'. She had to give away the chickens immediately, then did not take in any strays or badly treated animals (via the vet who 'fostered' them on her w/o diso!!!!s for treatment). Even now she is down to one dog and 3 cats her vet bills and food bills are very large (and she still can't afford them) so she knows she cannot replace them when they go to the great kennel in the sky.

I am really sorry you found our well meant and heartfelt advice to be mean. We are only worried and alarmed for you in your situation and want to help you make it better.

So re read the advice without the chip, and feel what we are trying to help you do. That is, make a better life and future for your children and you.

beabea81

Thanks for that whitelabel, someone mentioned earlier that there was a thread about the deals people had obtained from sky when cancelling... I'll have a look through that but I will most likely just cancel the tv and stick with broadband and phone

miggy

I've reported the spam post that snuck in during the evening... anyone else like to do the same and we'll see if we can get rid of it?!

miggy

Bea, reading your post above - not sure you need us, LOL! You have done a huge amount and you're going to see some real improvements very soon from that.
Regarding the pets - I know vet bills can be horrendous and I wonder whether some insurance might be worthwhile if the critters are young? I seem to remember it's more expensive for older animals. I haven't kept rats so I don't know how much they cost to keep, but I know I would hate to part with even one of my animals. There's a thread about pets somewhere which may have useful hints about keeping costs to a minimum though your food bill is clearly very well managed. If you're based at home and have a dog to walk anyway, could you add dog walking for other people as a source of income? Being out and about more would also help keep depression at bay and distract you from impulse buys. I was out with my friend walking her dog this evening and it struck me as a social activity: it was fun to explore a new area, good exercise and an excuse to say hello to all sorts of people!

whitelabel

miggy wrote: »

I've reported the spam post that snuck in during the evening... anyone else like to do the same and we'll see if we can get rid of it?!

i already had too (for penny stocks i think)

beabea81

atush wrote: »

You completely misunderstood my point.

Council house is relevant as you don't own therefor have no equity (ie stored wealth) in this property. If you owned, it could be sold and you could use the equity in a warst case scenario. I fail to see how selling a house to pay off debts that my SOA show I can afford to pay would have been at all helpful. For this level of debt would you have recommended I sold my house? Then what? Rent privately which is usually more expensive than a mortgage. Not particularly helpful and offensive to me given the statement was 'you live in a council house and you have debts' not 'you live in a rented house, which therefore means you have no equity'. I didn''t misunderstand, I read what was there in front of me.
2, I mentioned our circumstances only to show you (as others have) how badly you were overspending in this area. I we can't afford to double our spending on presents for the children,it is quite certain you cannot afford your current rate of spend and this has what has helped put you in the red. Obv from what you have since said you have some outstanding (and outstandingly awful) childhood issues that cause you to overspend in this way. But you are doing yourself and your children no good in over spoiling them and going into debt as you have, in the process. You cannot afford it, so you need to cut back. My previous post stated that the 'red' had come from the times my husband was made redundant and not being brave enough, at that time, to admit exactly how much we owe. My debts have come more from 'head in the sand' than lack of funds after the fact (by that I mean we had too little income and when we had regained income there was too much debt to handle at that time - I paid off £6000 worth of CC and loan debts but didn't include other things). My SOA shows we have a surplus of £137 a month so whilst I appreciate that spending less in this area would help me to clear my debts more quickly I am not getting any further into debt by spending this amount so the point of being able to 'afford' it is a moot one. One of the reasons I got upset about your particular comments about my christmas spending was a) your choice of wording on the matter and b) I had clearly expressed that I was well aware that I was spending too much on them.

Pets. You have them, you love them, I understand it. But, as I told my BGF after her divorce ( i was helping her undestand her finances as she wasn't 'allowed' before) to a high paid man who she supported thru university who left her for his mistress, 'You cannot afford to feed your 2 dogs, 5 cats, and flock of chickens'. She had to give away the chickens immediately, then did not take in any strays or badly treated animals (via the vet who 'fostered' them on her w/o diso!!!!s for treatment). Even now she is down to one dog and 3 cats her vet bills and food bills are very large (and she still can't afford them) so she knows she cannot replace them when they go to the great kennel in the sky. As previously stated my weekly shopping spend, which included all pet care, is well within what would be acceptable for a family of my size so re homing my pets is a no go. Telling a pet owner to rehome their pets is not far off telling me to rehome my children so no, I don't think you do understand it. If I were ever to make a choice between keeping my pets and providing for my sons then I would consider it of course but my SOA shows that I am not that desperate.

I am really sorry you found our well meant and heartfelt advice to be mean. We are only worried and alarmed for you in your situation and want to help you make it better.

So re read the advice without the chip, and feel what we are trying to help you do. That is, make a better life and future for your children and you. Odd that I managed to read everyone elses posts without the 'chip' (nice choice of wording again by the way) and see and utilise the advice they had given.

Since I posted this morning, using the advice forum members have given me, I have found that I can save £1500 on my HP by taking contents insurance and therefore doing away with the DLC and OSC Brighthouse provide; Save £9.75 a month on Sky protect; found that I am now able to cancel Sky and I am currently looking at Tesco Broadband + phone line which will cost me just under £20 a month instead of £55; decided to switch banks saving another £13 a month and got some great ideas on how to spend less at xmas whilst still feeling like I am giving worthy gifts. i don't think, therefore, that I have missed anyone's point or not taken the advice offered to me. From my calculations I can repay my HP and Water debt in 3 years without even touching the £137 a month or losing anything that I currently have. If I can make further saving and use my surplus to pay off my father in law I will be debt free in 3 years and at this point I still haven't reduced my xmas spend. If I cut that by one third I will be debt free in 2years. Given that this morning I would have been paying off my water bill for almost 8 years I think this is pretty good going and surely shows that I have indeed taken all the valuable advice on board!

My issue was not with the advice that you offered or that you were telling me something I didn't want to hear but it was the fact that everyone knows that admitting to debt, or to your own short comings, is painful and hard for anyone and your response, and a couple of others too, only made it that little bit harder. Tact and diplomacy will go a long way to diminishing the effect of a good dose of 'home truths'. I have seen many forum users hide behind 'I say it as i see it' and 'I don't sugar the pill' but that just doesn't cut the mustard as far as I am concerned. Especially when dealing with subjects such as this, you surely understand that the recipient of your posts is fragile at best.

beabea81

miggy wrote: »

Bea, reading your post above - not sure you need us, LOL! You have done a huge amount and you're going to see some real improvements very soon from that.
Regarding the pets - I know vet bills can be horrendous and I wonder whether some insurance might be worthwhile if the critters are young? I seem to remember it's more expensive for older animals. I haven't kept rats so I don't know how much they cost to keep, but I know I would hate to part with even one of my animals. There's a thread about pets somewhere which may have useful hints about keeping costs to a minimum though your food bill is clearly very well managed. If you're based at home and have a dog to walk anyway, could you add dog walking for other people as a source of income? Being out and about more would also help keep depression at bay and distract you from impulse buys. I was out with my friend walking her dog this evening and it struck me as a social activity: it was fun to explore a new area, good exercise and an excuse to say hello to all sorts of people!

Pet rats can be extremely expensive to treat if their care isn't carefully managed. I've kept them for so long now that I am pretty used to what they do and don't need for certain ailments and my vet is awesome so a phone call to him to request x days of Baytril at a cost of £10 for example and he is happy to oblige with no need for visit fees or return appointments. I am looking at gettin pet insurance and will use some of the surplus in my pet fund to take a chunk out of the Water bill whilst still leaving enough in to cover the rats needs and reduce my weekly saving amount accordingly. I did think about dog walking once but someone on a pet forum said you needed a hefty amount of insurance so it often wasn't worth it unless you had a large client list but you have given me an awesome idea! I can maybe save the £8 per week DS1 needs for bus fare if I offer to walk my friends dog, as I know she drives her daughter to the same school as my son and I could perhaps ask her about 'paying' me in lifts!

I certainly do need MSE users, it's through previous posts that have got me thinking about all sorts of things... I was sure I had an other year to run on SKy and just one members post had me making the call to find out! Someone else mentioning contents insurance led me to realise I could save a bundle on my HP!

Some of the xmas gift ideas have really got me thinking. My mother in law taught me how to cook good food and though my father in law can make the basics he hasn't had a good home cooked roast or soup since she passed away last year. For xmas this year I am going to make him a batch of different soups and some homemade bread (she always made her own). I know he will love that and as I make soup often and freeze it it really shouldn't cost me much!

I also reported the penny thingy post as soon as I say it...sneaky lil devils!