My SOA :(

beabea81

WOW - I knew it was going to be hard to lay myself bare and be totally truthful and honest about what I spend my money on but I never imagined it would be harder still to read some of these responses.

Usually I find multiquoting rude and nit picky but for the sake of clarity in my responses I will do so now:

Superbiatch wrote: »

Do you seriously put away £245 a MONTH for presents??

Yes, that's why I said it. Thanks for you input.

Hi

And well done for doing such an honest SoA.

I suppose the first question is about the £337 its shows that you have spare - do you have that amount and if not do you know where it is going? I see you are keeping a spending diary so if you don't know what its being spent on yet hopefully you soon will. No, I've never had a remainder and the spendig Diary has indeed helped me to see where it is going. I've also been using the demotivator which I find really great.

Water rates - is there any court judgement for this amount at all? what happened to make it so high? I would have thought your monthly bills might not be much less than £60 a month, can you try to find out how much is actually going on paying off arrears? at the rate you are paying it off and with your new bill on top it is going to take you years to pay off (like 9+years at a guess). No, there is no court judgement against me for that. MY husband was made redundant twice and the amount spiralled, I then offered to make repayments which they declined stating instead that they would take it straight from our benefits at the time (for a less amount than we offered??) but the DWP refused to allow it and I've buried my head about it since then.

Contact your gas & elec supplier to see if you can go to credit meters, what is your credit history like? any ccjs, defaults etc that would be likely to stop you being approved for credit accounts? I do have one CCJ but I will definitely talk to Scottish Power about changing the meter as I have never had a debt with any G/E supplier.

Your presents cost really is horrendous - I know the kids all want expensive things but on your income thats a phenomenal amount, if the boys are teens they are old enough to understand that they can't just have unlimited presents, especially with only 1 parent working. Even if you told them all they had a maximum budget of £200 each this is still a lot of money but considerably reduce the cost for you. I won't defend this amount as I said previously that I knew it was excessive but I will endeavour to explain it at the end.

I know you've mentioned 1 son has a phone instead of pocket money, do the others have pocket money and if so is this included in the budget anywhere? No, the others don't have pocket money yet.

I'd also have a look at getting contents insurance - you can probably get for a few pounds a week (especially if you look at buying through the cashback websites like quidco) and whilst you hope never to need it, its well worth the money if you ever do - imagine trying to replace all the kids computer games, tvs etc without any insurance). This is partly the reson I ended up in a bind with brighthouse. I will look into Contents insurance for sure.

Just curious about your benefits figure/explanation - is this not based on what you are currently receiving? Yes and No. The figure we get currently is based on my husband only working for half a year so is more than we would normally be entitled to so I asked on aprevious thread if I should use this years or next years estimated award and was advised to use next years award as it is a truer reflection of our income in the long term

Canel the Sky protect plan. The sky box rarely fails and if you are in contract on the Sky telly then the box will be covered. Actually I don't understand why the 2 aren't linked. If it were to fail then threaten to cancel...they'll upgrade you.

I didn't know this, the way the salesman worded it was that if it were to go I would end up paying for something I couldn't use or fork out for another box. I will email them shortly and ask to cancel, Thank You.

Hello Bea,
I just had a look back at your previous posts which gave me a fuller idea of your situation. I'm sorry your OH has had such a struggle to find work after redundancy, I hope his hard work is rewarded soon, it must be soul-destroying to apply for 300+ jobs and not yet find anything - but he will get there.
Well done on cutting back on the treats! I wonder whether you have asked yourself why you treat yourself? That could be very important in turning this situation round. Are you bored or feeling in need of something nice? Did you get treats as a way of loved ones expressing their love to you (my mum used to buy me jammy cream cakes, LOL!) Once you understand what motivates you to buy them, you are half way to cutting down - though I think you have done a great job so far.
If you can work out what's behind it (may take a while - or not...) you can give yourself strategies for avoiding temptation (keep cash in a block of ice in the freezer , have your OH hold onto your money for you, have a 'savings' jar where you give yourself say a fiver a week and if it doesn't go on junk you could save towards something you value, etc.).
From your comment about Christmas presents I'm guessing you express love by giving? One year I included among the Christmas pressies some homemade vouchers for treats - things like 'X may watch TV instead of doing the dishes' or 'entitles X to an hour of mum's undivided attention'. Might this help cut the bills?
I'm not much good at the maths side of an SOA but I'd like to wish you all the best for it and say well done for a positive start!

Thank You, the voucher idea is a great one. Might be fab for my sister in law etc as they have everything they could ever want lol Yes, it was hard for hubby and money aside watching him try so hard nearly ripped the heart out of the family. I suppose their are psychological reasons for the way I spend, especially at Christmas which I will explain later. Thank for your support.

Hi,
I'm posted a few thoughts under each one, (have tried to be gentle), the main thing to say is there seems to be no spend
haircuts
entertainment
holiday.

The good thing is you have started a spending diary, and from the sounds of it, its already saved you some money, just a thought re bread and milk, we buy our bread in one go, and freeze on day of purchase, and just get the loaf out when we need it, some people freeze milk,

I would go one step further with the spending diary, you both keep a little note book and list everything spent, whether its 60p for a bar of chocolate, or £3 on a magazine, sometimes it the little things that slip through the net, and there the ones that add up.

I would say please, please get some contents insurance sorted out, yep it may be an added expense, but once you can reduce on other aspects the insurance would pay for itself.

Presents - Sorry but I nearly had a heart attack, that list def needs to be culled, I know its peer pressure etc, but if you can lose some smaller presents, it will give you chance to spend on the children, but £500 each is a luxury, that at the moment, just can't be balanced on the budget.

hi, I couldn't quote the entire post as it's going to be a whopper but will try and answer everything lol The boys and husband have a 'number 3' all over that I do myself and I have very long, very very curly hair that I also trim myself as and when I need it so no there is no spend on hair cuts. For entertainment there is none also, really! I've been honest about everything else I wouldn't start hiding things now lol I really do not go out, socially. My father in law has a caravan that he takes the boys away in a few weekends a year but we haven't had a family holiday for years and don't plan one next year so I didn't include it. I buy extra loaves with my shopping but my freezer isn't big enough to fit many in. what I have done is worked out how much I need for bread and milk for the week and put that to one side. Thank you.

Just to start:

Phones. You may have a contracts at 35/mo but you can lower to the 30/mon one- I did. I didn't know I could do this - I will ask them tonight. Thank You

245/mo, 2940 per year for presents. A good figure if you are on over 75K a year. We are, but still only spend 1500/yr max on presents for our 3 children all teens. You are in a concil house and in debt. You cannot afford to give out this much a year in presents. You may WANT to, but you don't NEED to and any arguments to the contrary will fall on deaf ears. We all love our kids, but if you can't afford it, you can't afford it. Firstly, why is it even relevant that I live ina council house? I am eligible to buy this house but the cost of Insurances and mortgage isn't worth it. I have fabulous neighbours, the area is good and the house is really big - I CHOOSE to live here why are you implying that it is a negative thing? I'm glad you earn plenty and choose not to spend it and I'm also glad that any explanation I give will 'fall on deaf ears' (ie 'I've said my bit I don't care what you have to say' - nice!)

Un secured debt to FIL should cease until you pay off higher debt @29.9 apr. Then start paying him back. As I stated previously the HP debt at 29.9 has so many penalties for early repayment that it is not really worth doing so.

Are you working? If not, look into getting back to work. 2 incomes (however small) can smash down your debt. I'm a trainee TA but after a breakdown last year I deferred completion until I feel well again. I currently recieve CBT and counselling for childhood issues that I am working my guts out to resolve so that I can make my children proud. I gave up a full time job as a store supervisor to accomodate my husband's new (much better paid) job that he was made redundant from 6 months later... so yeah, I'll look into it.

Go over the the OLD time board and learn how to do things to lower your grocery budget. £75 a week to feed 5 people and 16 animals including ALL toiletries.... I thought this was pretty good. I cook only from scratch and do not buy fab softner (never could tell the difference anyway) pop, sweets or snacks. I buy 7 meals and enough to do 28 lunches. i get my cereal for free as Brother in law works for Kelloggs and I use MySupermarket to make sure I'm getting e best deal.

Sell your old stuff (toys clothes etc) on ebay. Will do.

As you've admitted yourself, you're spending a lot on 'nothing'. If any of this is still hanging around, can you Ebay it for some cash to put towards debts? There is a thread here which celebrates the highly unlikely stuff that people have sold on Ebay! Will be clearing the loft this weekend!
If you love magazines etc, look at whether you can get your favourites on subscription as a cheaper way of doing it (ideally don't !) or better still arrange to swap with a friend so you both get double for your money I don't usually buy them and heve decided not to bother for sure anymore lol I can read it all for free online anyway haha Thank You x.

Was typing this when the others said aobut your OH trying to get back into work good luck to hom and keep him trying.

Has he asked the Jobcenter about retrianing and other schemes?

He is now in full time employment.

You need to try and break the culture of presents.

Sorry to just quote the first bit but this post is a whopper! lol I am going to try and explain why I spend so much, not to excuse it but int he hope people will understand. I love some of your gift giving ideas and I will reduce my spend, Thank You x

Ok, Christmas Spending. I spend £500 on each child for xmas, £250 on each birthday, £500 on family at xmas and I added in another £200 for family birthdays and for my childrens friends when they are invited to parties. Yes it's too much, yes it can be trimmed. When I was growing up xmas was the only time that we were happy. The only time that there was no violence or drunkenness and there was a steady supply of food. MY parents were awful and to make up for the fact that she spent the rest of the year turning a blind eye to it all my nan used to go overboard on us at xmas, she stayed for a few days so they couldn't hurt us or get too drunk. Now my three children have one grandfather, one aunt and uncle and me and my husband. Maybe I make up for the fact that they don't have my sisters to spoil them a little or my parents or grandparents or their cousins. MY CBT is teaching me to realise that the small things I do every day to show my children that I love them are what count and that I don't need to keep beating myself with the big 'guilt stick' about not being the perfect parent. all I want is for my boys never to feel the way I did...ever. Maybe I used things to do it (not that the aren't spoiled rotten with hugs, mind!) and maybe that was wrong but I really think some people should try and have a little more tact when making recommendations. I know you guys couldn't have known all this and I didn't really want to tell it but perhaps if you assume there is reasons other than the obvious greed for why people do things then some of the responses I got wouldn't have been so blunt and rude and frankly upsetting.

pleasedelete

I know the present giving is hard. Some of our family were a bit put out but 5 years later they all agree it's best. With 8 pairs of adults we were spending £500 and getting about £500 of stuff back but none of it was what anyone really wanted. With one couple we just exchanged bottles of champagne for 3 years- there was no point. We just had piles of toiletries and slippers each year!

No we all get one secret santa gift and they have all been really lovely and thought through.

I cook from scratch usually. My daughters best Christmas gift was a can of Heinz macaroni cheese!

A bit cheeky as well. We have a GAME card. They use it to buy stuff when they have money and I use it for birthday/Christmas if that's what they want. I don't let them spend/know about the points. Then I use them once a year.

If a couple didn't have children we all used to spend more on them which was silly. We feltnthat we should spend the Sam,e as we spent on families with children. Then we realised that everyone seems to have them in the end. We give until they 18 and so it will even out in the end.

It is amazing how easy it is to spend £150 on stocking fillers per child that they just look at and discard pretty quickly. PS 3/xbox games always drop in price straight after Christmas- mine know they will get more for their money if they wait a few days. When my daughter was 3 I bought so many gifts that she fell asleep opening them!

Your children know that you love them. That is what matters.

Tixy

Bea - I'm sorry if you found anyone's responses upsetting - I don't think anyone intended them to be. People are trying to help and offer advice but I know sometimes the tone of people's posts is hard to read.

I hope you've had some tips that you think you might be able to save money and that along with keeping the spending diary you can get a bit better control on your finances.

beabea81

Pleasedelete... the Game card is a great idea. I usually buy any of the games they have specifically asked for Preowned and the saving can be anywhere from £2 for a new release and £15 for an older one. My oldest is 12 and if a new game gets released in September he knows he will have to wait until xmas for it so I don't think my over indulgence on them is having a negative aspect on them emotionally (though I'm not trying to diminsh the fact that I KNOW I over spend). Last year I made chocolate boxes for some of the relatives, it wasnt very cheap but it had more feeling than just a box of choccy's. I made mini mince pies and things and include some good tea and a mug. I could save a lot on something similar this year by looking around for stuff to buy now (blocks of choc on offer etc). My sister in law is really hard to buy for as she earns quite a lot of money so pretty much has everything you could ever want to have lol

Tixy... thanks you ((hug))

miggy

Hi again, and thank you for all the replies. I can well understand why you have the gift-giving pattern that you describe: you have come a long way and I think your boys will have very positive memories of their childhood - plenty of hugs and home made food!
I've had CBT too: it helped me through a dark patch. I love the idea that the small things you do every day are what count. I think you have the basis for a journal there, a bit like a gratitude journal if you find things like that helpful.
I read your other thread quickly and missed that your husband is now working (sorry - more haste less speed as they say) but that's good news. I hadn't thought of vouchers for adults but as you say - it could work very well.
I must dash as I have a few things to get done then I'm going out but I'll come back and see how you do with that loft clearance (please, would you like to do mine at while you're on a roll?! It's horrendous!)

HappyMJ

beabea81 wrote: »

I didn't know this, the way the salesman worded it was that if it were to go I would end up paying for something I couldn't use or fork out for another box. I will email them shortly and ask to cancel, Thank You.

Technically what the salesman is correct is true but all you do is ring Sky and cancel it. They'll put you through to rententions. Keep to your word and cancel. They'll come back with an offer. i.e How about we upgrade you to a new Sky+ HD box for free in exchange for a 12 month commitment to Sky. Then you say well that's Ok I'll take it. If that doesn't work you have one month to find another box. They'll probably ring you back in a few days. If they don't ring back in about a week then get one of Ebay. Just done a really really quick search and you can get one for £50 http://cgi.ebay.co.uk/SKY-HD-SATELLITE-RECIEVER-BOX-CABLES-NEW-REMOTE-/150625050835?pt=UK_ConEle_SatCableFreeview_RL Search around and you'll get it cheaper. That's only about 5 months of insurance payments. Once you get another box you ring Sky and attach the card to the new box. They are really easy to install anyone can do it.

Svenena

I know everyone is going on about the presents, and I understand what you've explained, but I thought I'd add my tuppence worth...

I doubt the children have any idea how much you're spending on them. If you spent £300 per child at Christmas, that would still go MILES, and save you £600 a year. Knock off £50 - £100 from each birthday, and that's another £150 - £300 per year. I honestly doubt they'd notice the difference between £500 worth of gifts and £300 worth. You haven't said how old they are, but if they're looking for more expensive things, why not offer to give them some money towards it (eg £100) and encourage them to save up the rest, through any present money they get from other relatives/occasions, snack money going unspent, having PAYG instead of a contract phone, etc. You could then still spend £200 on small gifts (LOTS of them! ), and it would encourage good saving habits in them (as well as saving you money).

I also think a £18 a month contract for your son's phone seems a bit excessive. I don't have a landline, so use my mobile for all my calls, and only pay £15 a month on PAYG. That gives me unlimited texts, 500gb of internet and the £15 more than covers all my calls (so much so that I currently have around £90 credit - I top up every month for the freebies). I also get an extra 20% on top of each top up, so it's actually £18 for every £15 put on. There are some great PAYG deals out there - well worth investigating. He could then take the rest of his pocket money as cash, to encourage those saving habits I mentioned

When your Sky contract is finished, have a look at the board on here about saving money on digital TV - you can see what everyone else has managed to haggle and get an idea of how much you could knock off.

I'd also second what someone else said about selling unwanted things on eBay, and also switching to a free bank account - what are you actually getting for your £13 a month? Usually it's things like travel insurance (which you don't need), breakdown cover (according to your SOA you don't have a car), etc. Check and see what you're actually getting, and whether you can get it cheaper elsewhere, by getting the components you need individually.

Well done on everything you've achieved so far though, and good luck with it!

pleasedelete

I also save free stuff for stockings. Just got them both free pringles speakers (which with a tub of pringles will be a novelty on the day) and my daughter craven dale latte mugs (she is hopefully going to uni next year) I also save the free make up from magazines for my daughters stocking.

beabea81

HappyMJ wrote: »

Technically what the salesman is correct is true but all you do is ring Sky and cancel it. They'll put you through to rententions. Keep to your word and cancel. They'll come back with an offer. i.e How about we upgrade you to a new Sky+ HD box for free in exchange for a 12 month commitment to Sky. Then you say well that's Ok I'll take it. If that doesn't work you have one month to find another box. They'll probably ring you back in a few days. If they don't ring back in about a week then get one of Ebay. Just done a really really quick search and you can get one for £50 Search around and you'll get it cheaper. That's only about 5 months of insurance payments. Once you get another box you ring Sky and attach the card to the new box. They are really easy to install anyone can do it.

I'm still tied to sky until April next year so I won't be able to use that will I? I'm still going to cancel the sky protect as I can save that money to put to another box should mine break.

mum2one

beabea81 wrote: »

WOW - I knew it was going to be hard to lay myself bare and be totally truthful and honest about what I spend my money on but I never imagined it would be harder still to read some of these responses.

Unfortunately you get good and bad answers, as for th council house, I will say I was brought up in a council house, then my parents brought it, and yes at a reduced rate, but bear in mind they had already rented in for 25years before they brought it, the same house that my daughter and I happyly live in. bar one set of bad neighbours, we are in a lovely area.

Thank You, the voucher idea is a great one. Might be fab for my sister in law etc as they have everything they could ever want lol Yes, it was hard for hubby and money aside watching him try so hard nearly ripped the heart out of the family. I suppose their are psychological reasons for the way I spend, especially at Christmas which I will explain later. Thank for your support.

hi, I couldn't quote the entire post as it's going to be a whopper but will try and answer everything lol The boys and husband have a 'number 3' all over that I do myself and I have very long, very very curly hair that I also trim myself as and when I need it so no there is no spend on hair cuts. For entertainment there is none also, really! I've been honest about everything else I wouldn't start hiding things now lol I really do not go out, socially. My father in law has a caravan that he takes the boys away in a few weekends a year but we haven't had a family holiday for years and don't plan one next year so I didn't include it. I buy extra loaves with my shopping but my freezer isn't big enough to fit many in. what I have done is worked out how much I need for bread and milk for the week and put that to one side. Thank you.
fab idea with the self haircut, mum does that with dad as he has a number one, 10 yrs ago he was paying £6.

Thats brill that the boys get a break, maybe now things are settling down with hubby with the job you could get a couple of short breaks with father in laws van.
Thats a big positive putting the milk, bread money aside, I go through where theres about 10 envelopes around for this and that.


He is now in full time employment. - Congratulations, sounds like he has had a roller coaster of a journey.

Sorry to just quote the first bit but this post is a whopper! (sorry, by brain goes 10 to the dozen). lol I am going to try and explain why I spend so much, not to excuse it but int he hope people will understand. I love some of your gift giving ideas and I will reduce my spend, Thank You x

Ok, Christmas Spending. I spend £500 on each child for xmas, £250 on each birthday, £500 on family at xmas and I added in another £200 for family birthdays and for my childrens friends when they are invited to parties.

Yes it's too much, yes it can be trimmed. When I was growing up xmas was the only time that we were happy. The only time that there was no violence or drunkenness and there was a steady supply of food. MY parents were awful and to make up for the fact that she spent the rest of the year turning a blind eye to it all my nan used to go overboard on us at xmas, she stayed for a few days so they couldn't hurt us or get too drunk. Now my three children have one grandfather, one aunt and uncle and me and my husband. Maybe I make up for the fact that they don't have my sisters to spoil them a little or my parents or grandparents or their cousins. MY CBT is teaching me to realise that the small things I do every day to show my children that I love them are what count and that I don't need to keep beating myself with the big 'guilt stick' about not being the perfect parent. all I want is for my boys never to feel the way I did...ever. Maybe I used things to do it (not that the aren't spoiled rotten with hugs, mind!) and maybe that was wrong but I really think some people should try and have a little more tact when making recommendations. I know you guys couldn't have known all this and I didn't really want to tell it but perhaps if you assume there is reasons other than the obvious greed for why people do things then some of the responses I got wouldn't have been so blunt and rude and frankly upsetting.

Like me family are important, I will be totally honest and can't say i can understand what you've been though, but it really sounds like the CBT is going the right way.
I can fully see re the children, but from my perspective - I walked out on my partner when I was 7 mths gone, my daughter will be 9 this year, although my parents have been extremely supportive, I felt that I had to make up for her dad not being there, (I'd made a promise to her when she was born, that I would never have a string of uncles in her life), that although my aunt and uncle became second grandparents, I still felt that she was missing paternal grandparents. I had her christened at 7 weeks old, and we did the big full on works, christening at a hotel, 80 guests.
The paternal grandparents got involved in 2007, but unfortunaly after about 6 months the situation became unworkable, so again, out come mum with the credit cards etc....
Even though she had my parents, her grandparents, my friends to me that wasn't enough, really daft, but sometimes you do things.

Health wise, I'm disabled with crutches, to me another thing I need to make it up to her, I suffer with depression (the relationship, life since, before pregnant had good job, but everthing went). Then last yr court papers appeared before xmas he (dad) wants to be daddy of the year, so I'm being dragged through courts, we've had 2 hearings and he hasn't show, he hasn't followed the court recommendations, yet due to the cafcass report, I'm the wicked witch of the west, he's Mr Perfect.. and during all this course xmas came, so I hit the cards, DD wanted for nothing, we have since got back in touch with her paternal grandparents and touch wood the relationship is working, - we have another court case mid July regarding ex, but slowly I'm trying to break a habit of a lifetime, buy, buy, buy, - not easy but getting there slowly. But your doing a brilliant job, (apologies for babbling on).

You've laid your life on the line and I hold my hat off to you, if i can be any help or anything just shout xx