Advice on whether to divorce in retirement

chesky369 · 22 June 2011 at 4:23PM

Pee wrote: »

Only if he's forgotten to mention the children!

So you are separated but not divorced and both you and your ex get a single person's pension?

If that'll be the case for them, then it's fine. I bet I still get called in to sort the pension forecast form!

I get my own single person's pension based on my limited contributions (the children again). But it's then 'bumped up' by an addition based on his contributions. I also get my own SERPS portion to add to the basic. I have an occupational pension of my own, since I worked from when we split up. He does too but his is much larger but that's nothing to do with me any more. If divorce was on the horizon, I would look into getting a share of that, due to the eighteen years we were together, but I wouldn't necessarily go for that, since I'm OK financially and wouldn't want to make him poorer. If I were broke I might probably see it differently.

chesky369 · 22 June 2011 at 4:28PM

I would also add that, in my experience, the minute you get lawyers involved in anything, it almost automatically becomes nastier. And since your friend seems to be rather 'hands off' in regard to a possible divorce, he would probably go to a solicitor to handle things. Next thing you know, pompously-worded letters are going from his solicitor to the wife who, understandably, gets rather p----ed off at this change of the relationship. So she thinks she'd better go to law herself......................... etc. etc. Then they're REALLY not speaking.

chesky369 · 22 June 2011 at 4:45PM

Pee, please don't take this the wrong way but I do hope that your friend is not the man with whom you are considering having a child with. If this is the case, then you're not the person to give him disinterested advice.

Apologies if this is not the case.

Pee · 23 June 2011 at 11:20AM

chesky369 wrote: »

Pee, please don't take this the wrong way but I do hope that your friend is not the man with whom you are considering having a child with. If this is the case, then you're not the person to give him disinterested advice.

Apologies if this is not the case.

No, I can see why you might think that. (He is one of my boyfriend's friends and they are a similiar age.) I quite agree in that situation I wouldn't be the best person to approach for advice - in my mind someone who is still married isn't free to start a new relationship, but then he isn't looking for a relationship.

There are reasons why he thought I would be the best person to ask, but being a good bit younger, I don't know that much about pensions.

I was expecting that he would be paid a full pension and she would receive a much smaller one and that a divorce would mean they effectively got more between them.

Pee · 23 June 2011 at 11:23AM

chesky369 wrote: »

I would also add that, in my experience, the minute you get lawyers involved in anything, it almost automatically becomes nastier. And since your friend seems to be rather 'hands off' in regard to a possible divorce, he would probably go to a solicitor to handle things. Next thing you know, pompously-worded letters are going from his solicitor to the wife who, understandably, gets rather p----ed off at this change of the relationship. So she thinks she'd better go to law herself......................... etc. etc. Then they're REALLY not speaking.

If they did do it, they would do it themselves as effectively the finances were split years ago in a way they are both happy with.

Gers · 27 June 2011 at 3:33PM

My parents were happily separated for about 20 years and only got divorced as my mother was advised that she could claim a bigger state pension from my dad's contributions than from her own. They did and then she did and they lived just as happily until the day he died with her at his side.

chesky369 · 27 June 2011 at 7:50PM

In a state pension, once you're divorced you are treated as a single person and have no rights to claim on your ex's contributions.

chesky369 · 27 June 2011 at 7:59PM

I was mistaken - just checked - you are able to claim on ex's contributions. But you can also claim on your husband's contributions too. So doesn't make any difference either way.