Moving nursing home areas, denied family life?

vikki_louise

Moving nursing home areas, denied family life?

Hello, not sure where to start with this one but i could do with some advice please.

We were very worried about my nan who was laying in bed, refusing to eat, drink much, refusing to wear pads despite doubly incontinent, refusing to wash (my parents sometimes were actually sick in her house), a mental health nurse used to go into her but they wouldn’t take any action on moving her into a home. Fastforward a year of us trying and failing to get her help she had a fall and fractured her ankle- something we were actually relieved about as she got admitted to hospital and they said she couldn’t go home. She was moved to a nursing home for a 10 week ‘assessment’ although they said they were sure she wouldn’t go home (she couldn’t go home to her house as it was anyway as it was such a health hazard), she is still in that home. We aren’t overly happy with the standard of care in the home, its nothing major but definitely not where we would like her to remain for the rest of her life (shes 86, diagnosed with dementia (although they actually won’t tell us her official diagnosis for some reason). She lives in Essex so went into an Essex nursing home but we are her only family (she has no friends) and live in Surrey so visiting is difficult (and expensive) so we want to move her into a nursing home near us, i’m (granddaughter) also housebound although i could manage an occasional trip out if she was very close by, if she remains in essex we will never see each other again.
My parents went and looked at some local homes and found one we felt was perfect for her and their price was actually slightly under what Essex social services will pay- brilliant! It looked positive and then they said they would only do the beds at that price to Surrey social services and surrey wouldn’t release one of the beds to an essex person, the other beds were VERY expensive. We were disappointed and went looking at other companies nursing homes and found a nice home, they were willing to except her, it was within Essex’s price range and they gave us a transfer date. Then a lady in the smallest room with steps (all the others are flat) fell a few times so go moved into the room which my nan was going to have so they said she had to have the little room with steps but would need to see if it was suitable first. It was decided she couldn’t manage the steps, we said ok can she just wait for another room to become available. They have now said all other rooms will only be given to Surrey residents, and all nursing homes will only take people from Surrey. This means my nan will remain in Essex, my parents will struggle between caring for me and visiting her, and my nan and i will never see each other again. One person said the only way she would get a nursing home place was if she was bed blocking in a surrey hospital, my dad “suggested” collecting her and bringing her to our house then breaking her leg, their reply was that actually that would work (needless to say we won’t be abusing my nan!). He complained the managers who said no to the move to surrey too.

Does anyone have any advice please? We really want her to live out her days in a nice home close to her family and so i can see my nan again. I’ve heard disabled people are entitled to a family life, aren’t both my nan and i being denied this? No one seems to care