Moving nursing home areas, denied family life?

vikki_louise

Hello, not sure where to start with this one but i could do with some advice please.

We were very worried about my nan who was laying in bed, refusing to eat, drink much, refusing to wear pads despite doubly incontinent, refusing to wash (my parents sometimes were actually sick in her house), a mental health nurse used to go into her but they wouldn’t take any action on moving her into a home. Fastforward a year of us trying and failing to get her help she had a fall and fractured her ankle- something we were actually relieved about as she got admitted to hospital and they said she couldn’t go home. She was moved to a nursing home for a 10 week ‘assessment’ although they said they were sure she wouldn’t go home (she couldn’t go home to her house as it was anyway as it was such a health hazard), she is still in that home. We aren’t overly happy with the standard of care in the home, its nothing major but definitely not where we would like her to remain for the rest of her life (shes 86, diagnosed with dementia (although they actually won’t tell us her official diagnosis for some reason). She lives in Essex so went into an Essex nursing home but we are her only family (she has no friends) and live in Surrey so visiting is difficult (and expensive) so we want to move her into a nursing home near us, i’m (granddaughter) also housebound although i could manage an occasional trip out if she was very close by, if she remains in essex we will never see each other again.
My parents went and looked at some local homes and found one we felt was perfect for her and their price was actually slightly under what Essex social services will pay- brilliant! It looked positive and then they said they would only do the beds at that price to Surrey social services and surrey wouldn’t release one of the beds to an essex person, the other beds were VERY expensive. We were disappointed and went looking at other companies nursing homes and found a nice home, they were willing to except her, it was within Essex’s price range and they gave us a transfer date. Then a lady in the smallest room with steps (all the others are flat) fell a few times so go moved into the room which my nan was going to have so they said she had to have the little room with steps but would need to see if it was suitable first. It was decided she couldn’t manage the steps, we said ok can she just wait for another room to become available. They have now said all other rooms will only be given to Surrey residents, and all nursing homes will only take people from Surrey. This means my nan will remain in Essex, my parents will struggle between caring for me and visiting her, and my nan and i will never see each other again. One person said the only way she would get a nursing home place was if she was bed blocking in a surrey hospital, my dad “suggested” collecting her and bringing her to our house then breaking her leg, their reply was that actually that would work (needless to say we won’t be abusing my nan!). He complained the managers who said no to the move to surrey too.

Does anyone have any advice please? We really want her to live out her days in a nice home close to her family and so i can see my nan again. I’ve heard disabled people are entitled to a family life, aren’t both my nan and i being denied this? No one seems to care

---

Thank you for your advice. It's been rather stressful and a huge battle since I posted this question. So many times it looked like the move was going to happen then someone or something would get in the way. At one point it looked like all hope was gone and then a BBC journalist wrote an article about an agreement that we had been told about off record but had no evidence of and suddenly things were back on. Lots of higher officials got involved, we finally got the go ahead and then she went into hospital and deteriorated and they decided she needed nursing home not a care home. To cut a long story short, 4 days before Christmas an ambulance delivered my Nan to her new home in Surrey, 10 minutes away from us where the staff seem lovely and she's settled in well.

To anyone who have us advice-thank you, to anyone wanting to get their relatives moved-it is possible but can be one hell of a fight but don't give up!

singlar

vikki_louise wrote: »

Hello, not sure where to start with this one but i could do with some advice please.

We were very worried about my nan who was laying in bed, refusing to eat, drink much, refusing to wear pads despite doubly incontinent, refusing to wash (my parents sometimes were actually sick in her house), a mental health nurse used to go into her but they wouldn’t take any action on moving her into a home. Fastforward a year of us trying and failing to get her help she had a fall and fractured her ankle- something we were actually relieved about as she got admitted to hospital and they said she couldn’t go home. She was moved to a nursing home for a 10 week ‘assessment’ although they said they were sure she wouldn’t go home (she couldn’t go home to her house as it was anyway as it was such a health hazard), she is still in that home. We aren’t overly happy with the standard of care in the home, its nothing major but definitely not where we would like her to remain for the rest of her life (shes 86, diagnosed with dementia (although they actually won’t tell us her official diagnosis for some reason). She lives in Essex so went into an Essex nursing home but we are her only family (she has no friends) and live in Surrey so visiting is difficult (and expensive) so we want to move her into a nursing home near us, i’m (granddaughter) also housebound although i could manage an occasional trip out if she was very close by, if she remains in essex we will never see each other again.
My parents went and looked at some local homes and found one we felt was perfect for her and their price was actually slightly under what Essex social services will pay- brilliant! It looked positive and then they said they would only do the beds at that price to Surrey social services and surrey wouldn’t release one of the beds to an essex person, the other beds were VERY expensive. We were disappointed and went looking at other companies nursing homes and found a nice home, they were willing to except her, it was within Essex’s price range and they gave us a transfer date. Then a lady in the smallest room with steps (all the others are flat) fell a few times so go moved into the room which my nan was going to have so they said she had to have the little room with steps but would need to see if it was suitable first. It was decided she couldn’t manage the steps, we said ok can she just wait for another room to become available. They have now said all other rooms will only be given to Surrey residents, and all nursing homes will only take people from Surrey. This means my nan will remain in Essex, my parents will struggle between caring for me and visiting her, and my nan and i will never see each other again. One person said the only way she would get a nursing home place was if she was bed blocking in a surrey hospital, my dad “suggested” collecting her and bringing her to our house then breaking her leg, their reply was that actually that would work (needless to say we won’t be abusing my nan!). He complained the managers who said no to the move to surrey too.

Does anyone have any advice please? We really want her to live out her days in a nice home close to her family and so i can see my nan again. I’ve heard disabled people are entitled to a family life, aren’t both my nan and i being denied this? No one seems to care

With the sound of it you are expecting the Council/NHS to fund the care? She is an Essex resident but would like a home in Surrey?

You are expecting Essex to pay Surrey for the bed?

I think the simple answer is why doesn't she pay for her own care and that way she could choose to live anywhere.

Otherwise, you could have people from a rough part of Manchester say, wanting a nice home in the rural backwater of Wiltshire for example all at the expense of the taxpayer!

If it works like that, then we would like my dad to come down to Devon from Bradford to have a better quality of life!
As it is, he has to stay up there as that is where he was resident and we see him twice a year. He has no other living relative apart from me, and we live just outside Exeter. If he paid for his own care then he could come down!!

vikki_louise

She is currently contributing towards her care although she will run out of funds. It will cost Essex no more money to have her in Surrey

alanq

"What if you want a care home in a different area?

You may wish to move to a care home in a different local council district to the one where you currently live. This could be because you want to be near to relatives or the place where you grew up.
If you have been assessed as needing care and your local council has agreed to pay for you, then they are responsible for your fees if you choose a care home somewhere else.
Under certain circumstances your local council may be able to pay the care home fees if they are more expensive."


http://www.direct.gov.uk/en/CaringForSomeone/CareHomes/DG_10031516

Errata

What does nan want? Where does she prefer to live, Essex or Surrey?

Savvy_Sue

singlar, there ARE circumstances in which one local authority will fund a care home 'out of area', so if your dad wishes to move that would be well worth investigating.

ConfusedDep

Personally if I were your mum and dad I would say she's coming to live with us.

Make a bit of an effort, get her registered with a GP, have her stay a bit etc then if your mum and dad find they can't cope. At least she is in the right county.

monkeyspanner

What is her medical condition at present? It may be worth looking at getting her assessed for NHS funded continuing healthcare (CHC).

I suggest you contact www.counselandcare.org.uk on their free helpline they should be able to advise the best way to approach the two councils to organise a move.

vikki_louise

Thank you for your advice. It's been rather stressful and a huge battle since I posted this question. So many times it looked like the move was going to happen then someone or something would get in the way. At one point it looked like all hope was gone and then a BBC journalist wrote an article about an agreement that we had been told about off record but had no evidence of and suddenly things were back on. Lots of higher officials got involved, we finally got the go ahead and then she went into hospital and deteriorated and they decided she needed nursing home not a care home. To cut a long story short, 4 days before Christmas an ambulance delivered my Nan to her new home in Surrey, 10 minutes away from us where the staff seem lovely and she's settled in well.

To anyone who have us advice-thank you, to anyone wanting to get their relatives moved-it is possible but can be one hell of a fight but don't give up!

fredsnail

Thank you for posting how you got on - I hope you Nan settles into her new home well and enjoys her time there.