Hen Night headaches!

mystra

Sorry... deep breath and aaarrghhhhh!!!

I am organising my best friend's hen night (i'm her only bridesmaid) i offered to do it, as well, it's my duty as a bridesmaid haha! Although to be fair its more of a joint effort as now we live quite a distance from each other (i'm in London and she's up North,as are all the rest of her friends)

I want the night to be what she wants, so she said she'd love a mad night in Blackpool, and that's what she's getting as far as i'm concerned! I've been ringing about transport as a stopover isn't possible due to peoples commitments and costs (seems a bit dear this time of year!). This is her big night, she's been looking forward to having a good hen do almost as much as the big day, and there's no way as i will disappoint her! She's one of the few friends who's stuck by me thick and thin!

I managed to find a minibus from her house to Blackpool (and the return of course after midnight) for £180 all in, so for the 6 of the people who were definitely coming its £30 each(i set up a facebook event and said i needed a definite reply by the beginning of this month and said as a guesstimate the evening will be roughly 40-60pp). I also (as a surprise and i hope she doesn't read this!) want us all to go the the Adonis cabaret Hen Night that runs every Saturday, that is £29 a ticket, including the buffet, a decent club entry for the rest of the night and of course the drag acts and strippers etc (she loves all this sort of stuff trust me!)

The only thing i've asked her to do is just help with getting the money from her other friends and people organised as they are people i don't know and i'm about 200 miles away, which is fine by her. It's just everyone else is letting her down.

One friend wants to go on a shopping trip and wants to stay the night but thinks £60 is too much. (WTH? So she thinks going for the whole day and staying over will cost less? i could understand her just saying she couldn't afford!) She clearly hasn't even read the event page on facebook despite RSVP-ing as a definite yes and telling B2B that she was definitely coming! My friend says one of the others is as much of a dipstick as her (the two are a pair together lol). They are both 'pushing' to go to Chester (so they can go shopping first basically) Chester is pretty much identical to our local going out zone so seems a pointless jaunt anyway!

Now my poor friend is so stressed out (she's doing a really nice wedding and organising a lot of things herself, and making lots too!). I've told everyone the final price via Facebook, and told B2b to text/call her friends. I'm going to pay for b2b's entrance to Adonis seeing as its my surprise for her.. i would have liked to spread the cost between the rest of us but seems everyone wants something for nothing!

I don't mind people pulling out because they can't afford - rant isn't about that at all as i know we are all living in hard times and sometimes we have to miss out on fun things and put money where it is important. It's about fickle little girls (well they have the brains and attention span of a 10 year old!) who commit to things and don't read the ins and outs... or just try and change someone else's big night to suit them! They seem to be really pushing her into going somewhere else (i bet it'll end up costing just as much going into separate nightclubs that wont be anything different to what we have round her local area!)

She just seems so sad about it, I've told her to sod them off completely if they can't even so much as pay attention never mind the money! I daren't book anything because they seems so flaky to say yes then change their minds once i've paid! We've both agreed if the majority can't afford then fair enough i'll think of something else. But all the cool things she'd also like are just as expensive A girlie night in is not an option here, she loves the traditional all out rowdy hen do! and that's why i love her to bits, even tho it's not my cup of tea!

Did anyone else have this much fun trying to organise their hen do! I feel like i'm trying to organise a school trip not adults!

Again i'm not angry if they can't afford - its the fact that they are trying to change HER plans for themselves - rather than just not come.There's always a plan B, but i want it to be her plan B not every one elses

sympathy and stories please! and some good old advice.... cup of tea wouldn't go amiss!

kmmr

hi Mystra,

I haven't organised a hen's night, but I can promise you almost all big events are like this! People all seem to think everything is too expensive, and rarely take into account how hard it is to get everyone to at least not disagree about what to do, let alone agree! We do the group odd weekend away, and there are always grumbles about cost, when in reality someone has to just make a decision to make things happen.

I just chase them for money and say 'yes, all those things you suggest sound like good ideas! Would be really cool if there is a next time, let me know if I can help. So, back to issue at hand... that would be £xx thanks.'

Even if I think I could do something better/cheaper than someone else, I am always supportive of whoever has had taken the very hard step of saying that they will organise it.

my sister, bless her cotton socks, is in the midst of organising my hens night. Which will be co-ordinating people from Ireland, Belgium, London, and Australia to go away for a night (somewhere out of London) without involving me at all. And she is based in Beijing! And I think as she is now a point of contact, I suspect she will be giving lots of advice to all the various people flying in for the wedding to help them with times etc. I wish her luck, and am SUPER grateful for anything she has and will be doing.

mystra

kmmr wrote: »

hi Mystra,

I haven't organised a hen's night, but I can promise you almost all big events are like this! People all seem to think everything is too expensive, and rarely take into account how hard it is to get everyone to at least not disagree about what to do, let alone agree! We do the group odd weekend away, and there are always grumbles about cost, when in reality someone has to just make a decision to make things happen.

I just chase them for money and say 'yes, all those things you suggest sound like good ideas! Would be really cool if there is a next time, let me know if I can help. So, back to issue at hand... that would be £xx thanks.'

Even if I think I could do something better/cheaper than someone else, I am always supportive of whoever has had taken the very hard step of saying that they will organise it.

my sister, bless her cotton socks, is in the midst of organising my hens night. Which will be co-ordinating people from Ireland, Belgium, London, and Australia to go away for a night (somewhere out of London) without involving me at all. And she is based in Beijing! And I think as she is now a point of contact, I suspect she will be giving lots of advice to all the various people flying in for the wedding to help them with times etc. I wish her luck, and am SUPER grateful for anything she has and will be doing.

wow!! Now that is a task and a half, good luck to her, and what a star for doing it, i hope you have a fantastic night!

hellokitty08

Ok two things that I can see that might help,

1) suggest to the two friends that dont want to do blackpool, that they take the hen to Chester themselves and have a mini do for the three of them. Tell them to make is a surprise for her, that way they will have to pay! lol

2) Get your Hen to give you the telephone numbers for all the girls invited and you do the nagging. It will take a lot of the stress out of it for her and you will get the direct answers yourself. You will also be able to get answers direct and change your plans if necessary afterwards.

Yes it means a bit more stress and organising for you, but hopefully you will get the answers you need this way. You need to be polite but firm with them. Phone them up and tell them whats planned, offer to e-mail them further details rather then facebook, then say this is what we are doing, it costs X amount the hen would really like you to be there, can you please let me know if your able to make it and send me a cheque, do a bank transfer give cash to friend. etc

Hopefully this might help. Its such a nightmare when too many people get involved and if some people want to do something smaller, thats fine, but if your running the offical hen do that your hen wants, you need to make sure it suits her tastes, not everyone elses.

hellokitty08

:coffee:

there is no tea, will coffee do, should probaby be a decaf one though!

jojo2004

Hi mystra

Had v similar issues organising my best mate's hen back in May. A number of hens, who lived 10 miles from the chosen location, started to say they couldn't afford/wanted to change things at the last minute.

Suggestions:
1. Are all the hens on Facebook? If so, befriend them, and set up a private group that B2B can't see and talk it over with the other hens there.

2. Is there a travelodge in Blackpool? If they have a sale on, you might be able to get the £18 rooms, which sleep 3 (min) and share the cost - making it £6 instead of £30 for travel.

3. Don't worry too much! I promise that when you get to the night, everyone will be focusing on the B2B and will make sure you have a great night. It's a thankless task arranging a hen, but you'll do great!

4. Be organised. Tell everyone what's happening, when, costs (and when they're due), and what to bring. Delegate.
I did a LOT of planning for my best friend's, and despite a few comments about being 'ruthless' in my planning (HA!) which were pretty snide, it went awesomely, and my best mate was over the moon. Ignore anyone who tries to derail.

Good luck! xx

mystra

hellokitty08 wrote: »

Ok two things that I can see that might help,

1) suggest to the two friends that dont want to do blackpool, that they take the hen to Chester themselves and have a mini do for the three of them. Tell them to make is a surprise for her, that way they will have to pay! lol

good idea, although to be honest, i get the impression that the chester idea is more just for them to have a shopping trip of their own, rather than it being for the hen, they just seem so focused on what they want to do! Plus they wont pay for the hen to go, and she can't afford anymore Hen nights

hellokitty08 wrote: »

2) Get your Hen to give you the telephone numbers for all the girls invited and you do the nagging. It will take a lot of the stress out of it for her and you will get the direct answers yourself. You will also be able to get answers direct and change your plans if necessary afterwards.

Yes it means a bit more stress and organising for you, but hopefully you will get the answers you need this way. You need to be polite but firm with them. Phone them up and tell them whats planned, offer to e-mail them further details rather then facebook, then say this is what we are doing, it costs X amount the hen would really like you to be there, can you please let me know if your able to make it and send me a cheque, do a bank transfer give cash to friend. etc

Yeah i'm thinking this is the way to go, it's just so hard not being in their neck of the woods, to actually get the money from them... they wouldn't know how to do a bank transfer i bet and would never send a cheque as one of them has given me the impression she doesn't even know how to lick a stamp!! But on the other hand.... i am alot more ruthless than the hen and wouldn't budge on the plans unless too many couldn't make it... there's only 6 of us so far

hellokitty08 wrote: »

Hopefully this might help. Its such a nightmare when too many people get involved and if some people want to do something smaller, thats fine, but if your running the offical hen do that your hen wants, you need to make sure it suits her tastes, not everyone elses.

thanks for your fab advice!! :beer:

mystra

jojo2004 wrote: »

Hi mystra

Had v similar issues organising my best mate's hen back in May. A number of hens, who lived 10 miles from the chosen location, started to say they couldn't afford/wanted to change things at the last minute.

Suggestions:
1. Are all the hens on Facebook? If so, befriend them, and set up a private group that B2B can't see and talk it over with the other hens there.

2. Is there a travelodge in Blackpool? If they have a sale on, you might be able to get the £18 rooms, which sleep 3 (min) and share the cost - making it £6 instead of £30 for travel.

3. Don't worry too much! I promise that when you get to the night, everyone will be focusing on the B2B and will make sure you have a great night. It's a thankless task arranging a hen, but you'll do great!

4. Be organised. Tell everyone what's happening, when, costs (and when they're due), and what to bring. Delegate.
I did a LOT of planning for my best friend's, and despite a few comments about being 'ruthless' in my planning (HA!) which were pretty snide, it went awesomely, and my best mate was over the moon. Ignore anyone who tries to derail.

Good luck! xx

1. Yep, they're all on facebook... but they seem to ignore all my private messages and event messages (and friend requests) :mad: then claim they 'don't go on much' but have a status update every hour...

2. I did look into the cheap hotel idea, unfortunely all the prices are quite high in July, i guess its peak season... but i might have a double check later!

3. i hope so! it's not too thankless, as the hen is really grateful, its just her other friends being generally useless as chocolate fireguards...

4. Good plan! If i was still local i'd be round their houses asking them to cough up or drop out! My friend (the hen) isn't ruthless enough with them, we've got less than a month and she's letting them dilly-dally about... time to get phoning i think - and i will be brutal! This is her big night before (well not literally the night before!) the big day!

thanks for your help!! xx

neilcrook

When in July is it? i'll have a nosey at a couple of hotels i've used before if you like? Transport for everyone, where up north are they and how many guests is definite? I'm tyne and wear area and may be able to suggest a cheaper bus hire...

My Bridesmaid really wants to go to Amsterdam!!! Problem is a lot of people don't have passports, i've tried putting her off but looking unlikely at mo :-S

mystra

neilcrook wrote: »

When in July is it? i'll have a nosey at a couple of hotels i've used before if you like? Transport for everyone, where up north are they and how many guests is definite? I'm tyne and wear area and may be able to suggest a cheaper bus hire...

My Bridesmaid really wants to go to Amsterdam!!! Problem is a lot of people don't have passports, i've tried putting her off but looking unlikely at mo :-S

Amsterdam, now that sounds amazing, i love it there - but i could imagine a hen night there being pretty wild!! What a shame is she has her heart set on it

It's on July 9th, everyone bar me lives in Stoke-on-Trent (not that far north i suppose... i must have lived in London too long now that i think up North is everything after Watford Gap!!!) £180 was the cheapest in total for the taxi i could find i rang round loads of companies and i'm even racking my brains if anyone i know has an MPV and would drive us there for the cash in hand of a bit less... but no-one i know does and hiring one costs almost as much when you add the petrol money...

Sambucus_Nigra

Get taxis and forget the minibus; then each set of 3 will have to pay for it themselves....and get the money for the tickets through paypal [get their email addresses and get them to pay direct] and then get the tickets up front - if they don't pay they don't get in.