No help available?

CH27

Tell her to get in touch with Social Services & get her to tell them that if they don't help her she will put him into full time care & that will cost them a damn sight more than a bit of respite will.

My aunt did that over her disabled son & now they get 6 weeks per year respite care.

BitterAndTwisted

Zacksmum: if you thought that it would help, why don't you contact Social Services yourself and tell them that you think both people in this family are in danger?

sock-knitter

op, seek legal advice, i have two disabled boys, and was told by social services that no help was available, after seeking legal advice, my solicitor wrote to the council's legal department, who have to assess the disabled persons needs, and MUST find the funding from their budget for respite or direct payments (used to pay for respite or care services)

zaksmum

Thanks BitterandTwisted. I've heard of cases recently where the mother has been desperate enough to kill the disabled child when no help's been given. It's so sad that this is still happening today.

Because of the recent change of social worker when the boy turned 18, every scant bit of help she did get disappeared. The new SW is "looking into it" and taking forever about it, not returning calls etc. The GP is supportive, and prescribing medication that should help but doesn't. My friend's asked for the dosage to be increased, but again not much difference.

I have considered contacting Social Services, but I'm reluctant to go behind her back to do that. I've asked her if she'd allow me to but she says they already know every last detail about the family and insist there's no funding to help matters, and so I'd be wasting my time.

CH27,thanks. She did tell the SW that she wanted some residential care to be considered, again to be told there's nothing they can do, no places available, care homes closing down all over the country...possibly the only way might be to take the boy to the authorities and just dump him there and walk away, but how could any mother do that to a vulnerable son?

zaksmum

sock-knitter wrote: »

op, seek legal advice, i have two disabled boys, and was told by social services that no help was available, after seeking legal advice, my solicitor wrote to the council's legal department, who have to assess the disabled persons needs, and MUST find the funding from their budget for respite or direct payments (used to pay for respite or care services)

Sock knitter, thanks, that's really useful information! I'll tell her that when I see her tomorrow.

CH27

zaksmum wrote: »

Thanks BitterandTwisted. I've heard of cases recently where the mother has been desperate enough to kill the disabled child when no help's been given. It's so sad that this is still happening today.

Because of the recent change of social worker when the boy turned 18, every scant bit of help she did get disappeared. The new SW is "looking into it" and taking forever about it, not returning calls etc. The GP is supportive, and prescribing medication that should help but doesn't. My friend's asked for the dosage to be increased, but again not much difference.

I have considered contacting Social Services, but I'm reluctant to go behind her back to do that. I've asked her if she'd allow me to but she says they already know every last detail about the family and insist there's no funding to help matters, and so I'd be wasting my time.

CH27,thanks. She did tell the SW that she wanted some residential care to be considered, again to be told there's nothing they can do, no places available, care homes closing down all over the country...possibly the only way might be to take the boy to the authorities and just dump him there and walk away, but how could any mother do that to a vulnerable son?

None would but she needs to make SS believe she would.

pinkcandyflossprincess

sock-knitter wrote: »

op, seek legal advice, i have two disabled boys, and was told by social services that no help was available, after seeking legal advice, my solicitor wrote to the council's legal department, who have to assess the disabled persons needs, and MUST find the funding from their budget for respite or direct payments (used to pay for respite or care services)

thats exactly right:T

not only that they can also get funding for house adaptions, in fact anything to help make his life comfortable.
the help is there you just have to be very, very persistant. there is a disability rights site(not sure of name now) and they can and will get involved if social services are being !!!!!! about it all.
they dont like giving out direct payments but its what they are there for! I swear social services prey on people like this poor woman, she must feel exhausted enough without having to deal with all this type of thing. keep on her side hun like you have been doing, I would hate to be in her situation:(

Emmzi

exactly what CH27 says. She needs help to play hardball. "Give me help or I am walking away."

shy-but-need-help

I also would advise her to get her doctor to look at his medication again- if it's not working and dosage rises aren't working then they need to be looking for a different medication, if the lack of it working means violence towards your friend. There are nearly always alternative medications that can be given but very often we're fobbed off and it's a very British response to not push or question the doctor but just accept that it can't be helped- I would encourage her to ask for a complete reassessment of his medications too.

Some great advice given already in this thread. Would your local MP be sympathetic to her cause and help push for respite on her behalf?

kingfisherblue

Someone has already mentioned an assessment of the son's needs, but as a carer, his mum is also entitled to an assessment. this should include anything that will make life a little more managemable for her - so direct payments, day care, respite, etc should all be considered. If there is a local care's centre, encourage her to join - they are invaluable, both in terms of information (especially local info) and support.

Also, is there a branch of Crossroads nearby? This charity provides respite care so that carers can have a bit of time to themselves. Sometimes it is overnight, although most people that I know use it during the daytime. My mum used to have one full day a fortnight when Crossroads came into their home to look after my dad (he had dementia and other health problems). Somebody else I know has four hours every Monday evening.

Finally, what happens during the day? Is he at home with her? Is there any routine for her son? It might be worth looking into suitable activities (even though she may have to accompany him) so that they can both get out of the house and have a change of scene. In some areas, there is a brilliant scheme for people with disabilities to ride a bike. Two, three and four wheelers are available, as well as whellchair bikes. In Widnes, it is on three times a week and costs £2.

Riding for the Disabled is another possibility. Also, look at community centres and see if there is anything available there. There are s0ometimes activities that the disabled person can attend with a carer, but the carers sit on one side of the room and chat over a coffee.

Good luck to your friend x