I know this isn't really about money saving but...

polkerdotshorts

I was wondering if anybody thought the first draft of my personal statement was any good? or bad And maybe it can help anyone else who is also writing their personal statement.

Any constructive criticism would be greatly appreciated!!! Thank you!!!

Here it is:


Fashion is a huge part of our daily life, it can be beautiful, inspirational, and a wonderful way to express your personality. I have always found this ever changing and evolving form of art fascinating, and love the way that it is made so accessible to us through the media.

The way a famous person can be pictured wearing a dress, then the next day the dress is sold out, or even more interestingly, how somebody can be photographed wearing a particular dress and suddenly become the icon of the moment. The media is the force behind this and has such unbelievable power within the fashion industry. There are so many different contributing areas within the ‘media’, I have explored the ways in which they all work together to create a positive outcome for well known brands or fashion houses and am particularly interested in the clever way that advertising, through imagery and publication is worked into our every day lives without us even realising.

I’ve always had a creative flair and enjoy making and customising my own clothing, most recently I have been reworking denim and creating some interesting pieces to sell throughout the summer season. I love to mix vintage with modern pieces and have been particularly inspired by Luella Bartley with her interesting shapes and punky vibrant colours. The best thing about fashion is that you can just have fun with it, and while I love experimenting with bright colours and unusual prints, in contrast I have been appreciating the ruffles, lace and clean whites used particularly in the Ralph Lauren collection this summer. I have eclectic taste and love the challenge of bringing it all together and making it work.


Working for Max Studio UK has been a fantastic experience for me and I’ve been fortunate enough to see first hand how each important area of this company works, from design to marketing, and production through to sales. I have worked closely with our marketing department, taking great interest and learning the many ways in which they utilize the media, seeing first hand how advertisements, features in magazines and how online; blogs and forums can have a huge effect on company sales. I have found it incredibly interesting looking closely into fashion trend forecasting and prediction, documenting my thoughts, along with images I find interesting, through my blog. This is one particular part of the course that I am most excited about and certainly feel that I would excel in.

Studying part time at London College of Fashion would be a wonderful experience for me. This course offers such a variety of expertise, with opportunity to experience so many different aspects of fashion media, both in practical and theoretical study. I would also value the huge support network offered through the university, and the fantastic links with key contacts in the fashion industry. Aside from these obvious advantages, there’s the added benefit of studying in the country’s historically cultured and inspirational capital city.

Given the opportunity I would love to build on my existing knowledge, combining study with my every-day work experience, experimenting and learning new skills which will open doors and create opportunities for myself within my current and future career within the fashion industry.

Lokolo

Only had a quick glance but you haven't said anything about your education, now, although they will see what your studying they may not know why. Although if you are a mature student I doubt this would be needed.....

Utilise not utilize - we are British not American

Electric not eclectic..... spell checker....

Final comment on the actual statement, it seems a bit long winded for what you are saying, it's quite repetitive in the first two paragraphs, try and cut it down a little.

The other thing is you really shouldn't post it online because the systems in place to stop plagiarism will pick this up and when you submit it, it will be thought as plagiarised.

polkerdotshorts

Thank you, I will make sure I delete my post before sending my application in - I hope I can do that!

I am a mature student but maybe I should write a little about my education, hmm... not sure. I'll have a go.

Changed my spelling but I meant to write Eclectic - do you thing this sounds silly?

I'll try an cut it down a little, thought I might have to

Lokolo

polkerdotshorts wrote: »

Thank you, I will make sure I delete my post before sending my application in - I hope I can do that!

I am a mature student but maybe I should write a little about my education, hmm... not sure. I'll have a go.

Changed my spelling but I meant to write Eclectic - do you thing this sounds silly?

I'll try an cut it down a little, thought I might have to

Ha mine was a brief read, never heard of the word, thought you made a spelling mistake but you are right there

If you are a mature student can I ask how old you are? If you're 25+ it maybe worthwhile saying why you've decided to have a change in life... unless you've been doing fashion stuff since leaving school?

polkerdotshorts

I'm 26, I work for a fashion clothing company and really want to make myself more valuable to them, thus improving my chances of moving up through the company to a better job

Oldernotwiser

A minor nit pick - don't use a comma as well as "and" and "or".

I would tighten it up a bit, make it less woolly and be clearer on your reasons for wanting to do the course.

GothicStirling

Sounds more like a sales pitch than a personal statement. Here's the personal statement that won me my place on the MA I start next year:

I first discovered the University of the Highlands and Islands while researching taught master degrees in Scottish Literature. I was particularly intrigued by the course in the Literature of the Highlands and Islands as it is unique to the university. I was first introduced to the culture and oral literature of the highlands and islands through a mix of classes in Scottish history and literature. I was particularly impressed with the opportunity to study at different campuses throughout Scotland.

While studying at The University of Stirling I undertook a joint honours degree in English Studies and Scottish Literature, which has developed interests in Scottish folklore, Scottish nationhood and the Scots and Gaelic languages . I have studied the work of James Robertson, Robert Louis Stevenson and George Mackay Brown; and developing research interests in the areas of Scottish Gothic and the balladry of the Highlands. While a student at Stirling I have been an active member with The Gothic Reading group which has furthered my interest in the genre, and given me the benefit of interacting with postgraduate colleagues. I am currently working on a dissertation focusing on post-devolution politics and national identity in contemporary Scottish Literature, concentrating on the James Robertson, Don Paterson and Robert Crawford.

Since March 2010 I have had the privilege of working with The Walter Scott Trust promoting the life and work of Walter Scott. The season has been dominated with the 200th anniversary of the publication of The Lady of the Lake. I have been involved in the organization of lectures and other events to celebrate the bi-centenary. The role has also provided me with the experience of a managerial role which has developed leadership skills as well as my ability to work alone. Since October 2007 I have been working as a voluntary bookseller for Oxfam books in Stirling. The position has given me an excellent perspective of how the publishing and voluntary sectors work.

My immediate career goal is to progress to doctorate level study within Scottish Literature. I am particularly interested in pursuing research into the balladry of Clan Donald. My ultimate ambition is to take up an academic lecturing/research post within a university department or within the heritage sector

polkerdotshorts

Thank you, this is all really helpful and greatly appreciated!

I shall be pretty much re-doing the whole thing I find that its just so hard to write about yourself!!!

lovelyx

Are you applying through UCAS? Because if you are, you don't need to write about your education in your PS as they'll have it on your UCAS application. The thing with personal statements is that they can all vary so much! This is mine, I applied for journalism studies about 2 years ago and got 5 offers and am currently studying journalism at Sheffield uni.

Print media has always been a passion of mine, from when I was a child and would write reports
on imaginary events to make up my own newspaper. As I've grown, my interest in print media and
newspaper reporting has grown, and as well as a love for reporting and writing articles I also
have a strong interest in the theory of journalism - the laws and ethics of journalism plus
the design and creation of print mediums. I am currently studying media studies at A level and
for coursework I have had to produce my own magazine and my own local newspaper, and for both
I had to critically research and analyse the existing genre and create my own magazine and
newspaper - which means that I have had an in-depth look into how they were made and why they
were made the way they were. This further deepened my desire to study print media at an
academic level and after reading books such as Andrew Marr's 'A History Of British Journalism'
and 'Modern Newspaper Practice' by F.W. Hodgeson, I am sure that journalism is what I'd like
to pursue at degree level.
I currently run my own magazine-style blog which features articles written by myself and a
team of others on many different topics - from health and beauty to current affairs to music;
this has given me an opportunity to hone my writing skills and to broadcast my writing to an
audience. I have also written for other online blogs, and in doing so this has taught me to
work with others to produce content for the readers of these blogs. As of November 2008 I am
waiting to hear from my local newspaper and the BBC in regards of work experience.
Outside of writing and my academic interests, I am a keen singer. I was the head of my choir
at school meaning I sang lead vocals in most of the songs we performed, and I was also
responsible for coaching other members when they weren't sure of how to sing songs we were
performing. I also made sure they were happy with their parts, giving me great leadership
skills.
In March 2007, I performed at the Royal Albert Hall, London, as part of a 1000-strong choir,
which required a lot of hard work and many, many rehearsals.
I also enjoy literature (my favourite authors being Douglas Coupland and Jodi Picoult, for
their gritty realism) and I also enjoy writing my own stories and poems, and I have recently
had a poem, entitled Keeping Faith (named after a Jodi Picoult book), published on the site
https://www.poetry.com.
I work part-time as a personal shopper for a large supermarket and this has given me great
communication skills due to my experience working with colleagues and dealing with customers,
and is something I very much enjoy.
The subjects that I currently study at A level all require a lot of background reading and
independent work, and have given me great research and analytical skills as a result. Debating
issues in government and politics means that I can argue my case strongly but also see others'
points of view, something I think is vital as a reporter. The research I have undertaken in
psychology into the human mind means that I have begun to empathise confidently with other
people, something which I believe is an advantage when writing observational reports.
I believe that journalism is increasingly important in our society as the media gains more
influence over the public. As reporters are often at the forefront of changing and influencing
people's views I believe that journalism should be studied at an academic level, and therefore
I want to study journalism, in the hope that studying it as an undergraduate will allow me to
further develop my interest in journalism and the theory behind it, while also building on my
research and reporting skills - and I hope that it can be a step towards a future career in
the field.


It's really embarrassing to read it back but it did the job I agree with other people, just tighten up the spelling and grammar And this site helped me a lot when writing mine, and if you'd like you can submit it for people who are already at uni/studying your subject to read and give you more pointers. Plus you can read other statements to get a good idea of what unis are looking for: http://www.thestudentroom.co.uk/wiki/Personal_Statement_Library

Good luck!

polkerdotshorts

Thanks, I've been changing it around a lot and am getting nearer to finishing! I think it might be a little short now. Things were so much easier back in college, I took all that support for granted!

This is how far I've got:


Fashion is a huge part of our daily life, it can be beautiful, inspirational and a wonderful way to express your personality. I have always found this ever changing and evolving form of art fascinating and love the way that it is made so accessible to us through the media.

Working for Max Studio UK has really opened my eyes to the possibilities of fashion media. I have worked closely with our marketing department and taken great interest in the many ways they utilise the media, seeing first hand how advertisements, featured in magazines and also blogs and forums can have a huge effect on the company. I am particularly intrigued by the partnership with a blogger who can dramatically increase sales by featuring an item of our clothing in her blog. This is just one example of the influence media has within this industry and has inspired me to start my own blog, documenting my own experiences and enjoying the response it incites. I’m finding this is such a brilliant way to venture into the media world.

I’ve always had a creative flair and enjoy making and customising my own clothing, most recently I have been reworking denim and creating some interesting pieces to sell throughout the summer season. I love to mix vintage with modern pieces and have been particularly inspired by Luella Bartley with her interesting shapes and punky vibrant colours. The best thing about fashion is that you can just have fun with it, and while I love experimenting with bright colours and unusual prints, in contrast I have been appreciating the ruffles, lace and clean whites used particularly in the Ralph Lauren collection this summer. I have eclectic taste and love the challenge of bringing it all together and making it work.

Studying part time at London College of Fashion would be a wonderful experience for me. This course offers such a variety of expertise, with opportunity to experience so many different aspects of fashion media, both in practical and theoretical study. I would also value the huge support network offered through the university, and the fantastic links with key contacts in the fashion industry. Aside from these obvious advantages, there’s the added benefit of studying in the country’s historically cultured and inspirational capital city.

Ultimately through my study, I want to become more valuable within my current employment, progressing to a position where I can work closely with print media and the promotion of the company through other means. Given the opportunity I would love to build on my existing knowledge, combining study with my every-day work experience, experimenting and learning new skills which will open doors and create opportunities for myself. Studying fashion media at an academic level will equip me with the skills I need to succeed at a high level within the fashion industry.

edsks

You may have spotted that the best personal statements are "personal" in as much as they might make a statement and then back it up with a specific example, so that they "own" the comment. In your statemetn I think that you do this well in your third paragraph. However in other paragraphs you make more general statements e.g. "I have explored the ways in which they all work together to create a positive outcome for well known brands". It would be great here if you could weave in a specific example about yourself to substantiate this statement. I assume you have a word limit and so I know that using too many examples can use up words very quickly. Maybe you could think in terms of offering a "description" about yourself which acts as evidence about you rather than making a "judgement" about say the industry. I think that the key is not just to make a "judgement" because the reader will be looking for evidence. I think the key is to provide the eviudence about yourself (the description) from which the reader can make their own judgement. I hope this helps. Good luck.