Help for DD while Dh away ?

SparklyClean

Hi,
My Dh is away on tour at the mo, he left beginning of april is due 2 weeks R&R end of july then is away again till end of october.
This is his 3rd tour since my DD1 was born, she didn't really know what was going on the last 2 times he went, but she is 5 now and really misses him, we are doing the usual letters and parcels and he phones when he can.
Is there anything else I can do to help her? We've got a story book about a girl who daddy is in the forces which she likes but is there anything else?
I'm going to speak to her teacher and the school nurse after halfterm.
I know its normal that children miss their parents when they are away, but she is such a sensitive little thing and I want to do all I can to help her. We don't live near camp so he is only home at weekends so she hardly sees him as it is,
She told my sister that when people go away sometimes they don't come back
Thankyou for reading

kimberley_2

Hi Sparkly Clean, My hubby got his dates today for tour. All I do with our son is take him out to the park or zoo, anything really to keep him occupoied. I also only do the bluey/parcel/phone. Maybe see if your little one would draw a picture every few days to show what she did and get her to post it to daddy? The schools should help, i know ours do here (in BFG) and they do things with the kids, what they do im not sure.

Maybe get your little one a scrapbook and take photos all the time so she can occupy herself with making that for daddy for his rnr and for him to take back with him? Hope that helps.

Amy2510

Hi,

I don't really have alot of advice as you seem to be doing everything I did with my 2, when their dad was away, but I just wanted to point out that even though you live away from camp you should get in touch with your welfare team, I'm assuming you are quite a distance from where your husband is based, which can sometimes mean you are left out of the circle of things that are going on.

Ring them though. and they should put you on the mailing list for activities they are providing whilst the lads are on tour, some/most may not be suitable (distance depending), but some may, and it would give your little girl a chance to mix with other children going through the same thing, which may be something that would help her.

Also, unless it is different from regiment to regiment you have your travel allowances (not sure of the correct term?)for when they are on tour, use them, either go and visit relatives or get them to come see you. Involve your little one in this and it will give them something to look forward to.

Hope this helps a little, and remember you are doing a great job at a [EMAIL="!!!!py"]!!!!py[/EMAIL] time. Good luck and if you just want to vent/want someone to talk to just come back on here and I'm quite happy to 'listen'.

Amy

P.S try not to worry about what your little one said, my eldest goes to a school where most of the dads were away on tour at the same time and it was very common to hear them saying things like that, I think on refection it helped them to cope just by voicing their fears. (even though it is very upsetting for us to hear)

Amy2510

Just thought of something else, you could do some research and find a star that both your little one and hubby can see, then you can find it and say to lo that even though daddy is away you all have that star looking down on you and it keeps you close no matter the distance, hopefully dh talking about looking at it would then make little one feel closer to him.

AFF_company_representative

Hi there,

This might be useful from our website - http://www.aff.org.uk/linkedfiles/aff/deployments/deployment_tips_for_children_02.pdf

SparklyClean

Hi, thankyou for your replies, I did leave a reply a couple of days ago, but it has vanished! : (

maddymoo

My husband also goes away quite a lot so we've got into a routine of things when he's not around. The children send lots of letters pictures, things they've made and we go out and buy things to send him in parcels. These are normally boxes full of jokey items, little toys, sweets, snacks and other bits.

I never tell them the exact date that he's due to return because they never come back on time! We try and relate it to a birthday, special time of year Christmas etc so they're not disappointed when they don't get back. Similarly I don't tell them when daddy is going to call just incase he can't or isn't able to get through. When he does speak to them it's a real suprise for them.

Use the ebluey system if you don't want to write letters. They're also great for sending photos.

Even though you live away from the camp stay in touch with them and try to go to any social events that they may organise so your daughter has contact with children in the same situation and you get to socialise. I know that some camps are better at doing this than others, but just because you don't live on the camp you shouldn't be forgotten about. When my children were younger and my husband was away, I remember going for several days without having an adult conversation, because I didn't always make the effort to go out. I always used to find weekends the hardest, so now I make sure that I have something planned for every weekend.

Most schools are great at supporting forces children so make sure you talk to them about how your daughter is feeling and how you are feeling too. Let them know of any changes in her behaviour that you may notice. My middle daughter found it hard to talk to me when my husband was away, but would always open up at school to her teacher. Invite your daughters friends around for tea or to play after school if she would like that.

The last time my husband went to Afghanistan he recorded a story cd for each of our children. The cds were then sent to the children after he had gone which they loved. He had also recorded a message as well for them at the beginning telling them to be good while he was away and they were played nearly every evening until he came home.

If that's where he's gone, I believe there is the option to do it while he's out there. Always worth looking into.

Hope this helps and try to stay positive

13Kent

Your Hive should do blueys for children - they can draw a picture and then it is scanned and sent via the e-bluey system (sorry can't remember what they call them). - It just came to me - fax blueys!!

They also do some packs that include workbooks which have pre-printed blueys with ideas of what to write/draw on them to send to Daddy. We took videos of Daddy reading a selection of bedtime stories and then saying goodnight. Skype is great if he can get a connection, and when my oh was away someone came to video them sending us a Xmas message, and we were sent an e-mail and could download the video. I put it on the desktop and my little one could just click on it to see Daddy. We bought Daddy a "life timer" clock that counted down the days until he got home, had my children been older we would have bought one for home too, but because it was after Xmas we bought advent calendars instead and used them to count the days until Daddy came home.

Dad can do Storybook soldiers which is a welfare thing where he can record a story to send home on a cd.

Hope all is going ok for you all.

MrsAppleton123

Hi

I just wanted to add a little something to this post! My DH is currently in Afghan, he went almost 4weeks ago, he's due R&R in September and then back for good in dec.... It feels like a long time!

I have a DD (who's 6) and a DS (who's 3), DS isn't that bothered that his dad has gone and just gets on with each day like he normally would. DD on the other hand does find it hard.

I find that keeping everything normal and not going on and on and on about Daddy constantly helps. We adopt the attitude of out of sight, out of mind (which sounds harsh, but if i didnt keep everything normal-ish, she'd melt down), and if she wants to talk about him, i listen. I do encourage her to write to him, but she gets bored quickly.... I always let her pack the parcels and we have sent a photo bluey of her eating the biggest bowl of icecream. He has just written her a personal bluey, saying 'hope you enjoyed the icecream' She was dead chuffed!!

PM me if you want to chat more.

Gemma.x

P.s - Your doing a fab job, so try not to worry!x

Fosse_2

Hello
Hope that the time since you started this thread has gone quickly. It must be nearly time for the families RnR. My other half did 10 months out there last year. It was my 8 year olds first time although my other half works away during the week.
We went to a Build-a-Bear and my son picked out a bear (in camouflage!!) inside is a special 'box' that his dad recorded a special goodnight on. It was my sons constant at night and is still going strong. The bear even has uniform like daddy!!
This and other really good tips came from the AFF website.
Hope everything goes on well.

Marker_2

There are 'My Daddy is a Soldier' books out there that I bought for my DD, a good bedtime read when daddy is away.

I've also done a countdown calendar with the little one to mark off everyday that passes, she can see for herself then how long we have to wait.

My DD is 5 also and we've done a number of tours, as a parent you just have to reassure your little one that daddy IS coming come. Daddy will be home in 5 months, 4 months, etc etc.

A hard job for those left behind, no one unless they are in the position of the parent back home can ever understand just how hard it is. xxx