Hen nights

bratz81

evening all

hoping you guys can give me some advice. I'm not getting married til June 2012 so no rush on this, but MIL2B has mentioned it a few times so it's something I've been pondering.

Call me weird, but I don't particularly want a hen night, tbh I can't see the point of them and am not willing to spend a load of money just before the wedding (which is dear enough!) to go on a weekend away or to a spa or whatever. And going out drinking is something I can do any old day
Plus, I don't have many female friends, I have more male friends. And some of the female friends I have are 'fairweather friends' and you can't always rely on them to turn up to nights out!

However, MIL2B is insisting I have a hen do and keeps throwing out ideas for one. How can I tell her in a nice way I don't want one, without hurting her feelings or sounding like a grumpy moo!

sammy_wheeler

why dont you all go out for a meal? does your oh want a stag?- you could combine to have night 2gether- all his mates and ures?

remember- you dont have to have anything you dont want to!

just say to your mil2b that you dont want 1- and have a think about what you want to do if anything

i am having a 3 course meal with 7 ppl- with a tribute night- bryan adams and bon jovi- should be great

bratz81

h2b does want a stag - driving a tank about which I think sounds amazing!! I'd much rather do that lol but I know he likes some boy's only time

I did tell her I didn't want one and her reply was you're having one whether you like it or not so tough. She can be kinda forceful!!

Think I'm just going to have to keep repeating it over and over, or hiding from her til next June

sammy_wheeler

arrange a night/day yourself and tell her about it nearer the time. paintballing?- looks really fun hehe

feel for you- hope you get it sorted

johannalf88

It is a difficult situation, I would suggest doing something nice during the day with your b/maids, sisters, Mum, MiL2b etc.

A day spa isn't that expensive (around £50 try spa breaks). Another alternative is to go to a nice hotel and get an afternoon tea. Groupon had a deal on today where it was afternoon tea for 2 people with a glass of bubbly for £22, so that is really cheap and I think it would be a really nice way to chill before the wedding! Depending on when you are getting married you could even organise a picnic!

I dont have close female friends either, so on the list will be Mums (his and mine), sisters (his and mine) and the 2 female friends I have. I do not want to go out drinking, can do that any time as you said.

If you really do not want to do anything I would just explain to her what you have put on here! When she brings it up again say that you were not planning one as money is a bit tight and most of your friends are male. After all it is your choice, and you shouldn't do anything that you know you will not enjoy.

bratz81

see, I think £50 is too much money to be shelling out - no way I could afford that we're on a very tight budget saving and paying bills! She had suggested a spa day thing which yeah sounds relaxing but not if I'm worrying about money.

I think she's just all excited, she txt me earlier to tell me she's just bought her mother of the groom outfit a year in advance!! Which is sweet but a little scary lol

She already thinks I'm weird for not doing things 'normally' as she puts it so maybe she'll accept me not wanting one as part of my 'weirdness'

johannalf88

My MiL2b has already got her outfit too! Over a year ahead!

She is probably just excited and wants to be involved. U could just ask her for some help on something else, or just give her your budget, tell her what you don't want and leave it to her to organise something!!!! (admittedly this could backfire!)

Giddytimes

bratz81 wrote: »

see, I think £50 is too much money to be shelling out - no way I could afford that we're on a very tight budget saving and paying bills! She had suggested a spa day thing which yeah sounds relaxing but not if I'm worrying about money.

But you'd only have to pay for yourself. I doubt anyone would be expecting you to pay for them. I've never been to a hen do which was paid for by the bride to be. In fact the last couple I've been to the guest all chipped in an little extra to pay for the bride.

Still if you really don't want one you shouldn't do it to please other people.

bratz81

@johannalf88 good to know it's not just my MIL2b who's excited!! I think she does just want to be involved and I'm trying to involve her a bit but not too much as she can't keep a secret and I don't want all our wedding plans spread over the family - would like some surprised for the day

@Giddytimes I know I only have to pay for myself, but there's no way I could afford £50 at all, we really are living hand to mouth right now between bills, saving and other expenses. So anything that expensive is out for me

Albannach1876

Hi.

I feel for you. I don't want a hen do either, I can't think of anything worse. :eek: I'm not into wild night's out etc and like you I don't have a lot of close female friends - most are male. Also a lot of potential guests are scattered across the country so not very practical.

However I have been getting grief from bridesmaid so have agreed to a trip to a show (matinee performance) and a meal, on the understanding that if it develops into something I feel uncomfortable with, I'll be off, hen or no hen! That also means the mums etc can attend without feeling out of place / too old.

MrsAtobe

bratz81, I don't want a hen party either ( glad I'm not the only one!). Would your MIL2B accept an explaination along the lines of ' Why would I want to celebrate my last night of freedom when I can't wait to be married'?

If she wouldn't accept that, then I agree with the other posters who suggest a meal/afternoon tea - less expensive than a spa day, but I do have to agree with you, tank driving sounds like a whole load more fun!