Compulsive shopper...can't cope

backinbusiness

I also wanted to say hello and wish you well.

The very fact that you have come onto this forum, spoken about your difficulties and more importantly found someone who understands what you are going through means that you have already taken the first steps out of this situation.

Not saying it's going to be easy, but that first step is the most difficult one, so congratulations and build on this.

All the best op.

BiB

dancingfairy

Hi. It's fairly obvious you're suffering from some kind of PND/Depression/Ocd symptoms. Given the upheaval in your life it's probably no wonder- unemployed husband, new baby etc.
I would suggest a 3 pronged attack
1) keep taking the medicines - if after a while it isn't working try a different one, sadly it might take a while to find one that works for you.
2) try and find out what's causing this cycle if you can, are you aware of any thoughts that pop into your head or certain things that seem to make the situation worse etc? I think if you work on the thoughts/feelings side of things this will help.
3) Distraction - is there anything you can do to distract yourself at all and also you need to try and get out and about a bit if at all possible - even if you just take the litle one to the corner shop for 5 mins - build up.

You really need some counselling to help on this one -have a chat with the doctor , also have a look and see if there is a MIND centre or Rethink in your local area, your health visitor/midwife might be a good port of call as well as they are no doubt used to seeing people with PND and can point you in the right direction of support groups etc. Also Mind do some really good leaflets/publication and books etc which you may find helpful.
I'd also try and keep a little diary of all the positive things/achievements - even if it's got out of bed, washed the dishes, saw my little one smile, smelled a rose, patted a dog inthe street etc. Also see if you can build up so maybe start with a walk in the garden if you have one, then try and go to the corner shop, then try and just say hello to one or 2 people on the way etc , a litle bit at a time. It won't come overnight but baby steps.
Best of Luck
df

londoner1998

Hello

OP, first of all, you are doing already great by facing up to your problem and coming here to ask for help. I used to self-harm for a few years so I can understand a bit of what you are cgoing through. I know that guilt cycle very well, and the good news is that in time, you can beat it. Your post resonated with me: you mention that your father is an alcoholic. My mother was one too and in my case, it all stems from there. I don;t know the in and outs of your story, but I know the unbearable pain that alcoholism creates to those around the person with the problem (not to mention the person suffering). So I would advise a good counsellor to help you identify where the guilt comes, it could be the shopping, but may be at a deeper level , there is a deeper reason to it.

On the more practical side of things, are you eating well and getting enough rest? Having a baby is a massive upheaval, redundancy is draining, not only financially and it is not wonder you feel fragile.
In my case, I could get episodes of intense depression and sadness, followed by anger and then guilt that resulted in self-harming, and I noticed a pattern: premenstrual days were harder and almost every month there would be an episode or two. So, make sure you eat three meals a day of good, nutricious and varied food and don't go for too long without eating. Have plenty of vegetables, nice juicy fruits and long-release carbs with a bit of protein in every meal. I know your baby is your priority, but as my counsellor said to me, 'don't abandon yourself' during those days. If you see yourself sliding down, ask for help: speak to your husband and tell him are you need a helping hand or may be come to this forum until the urge passes, talk to someone you trust. Don't feel bad for relapsing, this can take time- in my case, this was years ago, but I had years of counselling and now things are fine., I get the odd day off but I don't self-harm anymore,: I can see the black cloud coming, so to speak. When that happens, I just accept it is a bad day, and try to look after myself- get more sleep, watch a silly film and write in my diary. This shodul be your own self-care programme, but you really need to speak to a counsellor and try to find out why you feel like this. It will be a good place to air all your emotions in a non-judgemental setting. The money is stressful, but in my opinion secondary to your self-harming: attend to this first and the rest will come.

You will get better, because you already started your journely back. It won't be easy but you can do it. Adn remember you are not alone: your husband and little girl are propping you all the time (and so are we)

Axx

ellienellie

Hovel_lady wrote: »

Just dropping in to say hello and send ((hugs)).
How are you? xx

Hiya hun,
am doing well... average, tis worse right now I think...hormones, and possibly new medication. But overall could always be worse.
Thanks for asking How are you?

ellienellie

Just a quick note to say thank you to everyone for their support and kind posts and advice. I Haven't got time right now to post more and reply properly, but will do as soon as I can.
Hope you're all doing well. xxx

ellienellie

RAS wrote: »

Hi Glad you found someone who understands.

A couple of other thoughts.

There is a thread on the Money Saving Oldstyle forum called 5 pleasures a day https://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/discussion/2039611. It is where people list the good things in their lives (mostly), so that they can acknowledge them. Might be worth joining? They are a friendly crew.

The other thing is to acknowledge how you feel and let it be. You may find www.focusing.org worth looking at. If you and your husband want to, you can take one of the basic exercises and do it together (turn and turn about). You can share as much as you want; it is quite possible to work effectively just using keywords to describe things.

Thanks for the links any help and advice is greatly appreciated and I will certainly check them out.
I'm really touched by how helpful everyone on here is. x

dancingfairy

Take things a day at a time and enjoy the time you have with the little one before they are not so little.
Best of Luck
df

Hovel_lady

ellienellie wrote: »

Hiya hun,
am doing well... average, tis worse right now I think...hormones, and possibly new medication. But overall could always be worse.
Thanks for asking How are you?

Hormones always mess me up as well. Make me very weepy at certain times.
Doing well now thankyou.
Sending (((hugs))) and here if I can help xx

Scarletpig

A lot of people find that a mixture of counselling and anti depressants is more effective than only using anti depressants. Perhaps you could ask your GP about cognitive behaviuoral therapy?