Compulsive shopper...can't cope

ellienellie

Little_Miss_Uni-Debt wrote: »

Hi,

Just wanted to reply to offer some support. I'm sure there will be some folks along shortly with very helpful advice.

As destructive as the shopping addiction is for you, the more serious issue is the self harming. I'm sure that it is a case of cause and effect and the guilt is causing such strong emotions. However I think you should seek some professional advice on this as soon as you can.

We can help with any amount of debt however we don't want to advise you wrongly on the more personal matters.

Just a quick question with regards to the money side of things, how are you funding the shopping? Credit cards or cash from a debit account? Do you know what the total is so far?

If the items don't hold any value to you, are you able to perhaps start to return some of the newer items? I have a close friend who went through a long phase of this. She that said once the thrill of buying had passed she just felt guilty when they arrived. She said it helped her to feel better to send them back. I think this helped her to stop.

Least if you could do this it would minimise the damage and may give you a sense that you are starting to tackle the problem.

Do you have an understanding of the reasons behind the shopping? Is it a "must have that specific item" urge or is it more that buying anything makes you feel temporarily better?

I hope you carry on posting on here. I think if you start to take small steps, the sense of relief will help you carry on.

Hi there and thank you for taking the time to reply, to everyone else as well. Sorry for my delay in replying, I hope to get back to most of you very soon. What with one thing and another, and my little one, time is a rare commodity.
My shopping is a "pick me up" followed by guilt.... I cannot seem to get it out of my mind, I just HAVE to have it, even when I know deep down inside I don't need it at all.
The debt is just under £2000.... which is a MASSIVE amount for us, and many others I'm sure.
I have amassed this from the internet -- shopping sites (catalogues) pretty much the usual suspects I guess... It's just so easy (at the time anyway)....Way too easy.
I'm very lucky, my husband is very supportive and tries very hard to understand. I asked him to block all the sites on our computer.
But I have also gone out of my way and went to the local library computer to use it instead.
I just don't know how to stop... I am trying though, and I am currently selling lots of the stuff I have, and have also returned many. But it's a drop in the ocean right now. And of course I then have to stop myself buying anything else whilst I'm selling it on ebay. Which is a struggle, jeez how pathetic am I?
I agree about the self harming, I know I should stop it, and I'm pretty certain it's cause and effect of my self caused situation. I guess I feel like I deserve it. But I am trying to stop that as well, it's no good for my husband either. He has a lot of patience...

Thanks so much for your support all, I really appreciate it.
Angie

ellienellie

whitewing wrote: »

I just reread your post and saw about your husband being made redundant. Bless you both, you have a lot to cope with with your baby too. No wonder you're off balance a bit.

Why don't your show your husband this thread, and tackle this together. He may not be able to support you fully on every single step of the journey as he will have his own worries too that will sometimes cloud out yours, but between us all we should be able to make things better for you and your family.

Thank you so much for your reply and support. Yes, he has his own worries and stress, he loathes being unemployed, and the work situation is dire. he is being as supportive as i think he can, bless him.
He deserves better.
One step at a time...
Thank you x

ellienellie

Twins wrote: »

Hi ellienellie, I don't have anything to add to what has already been said but just wanted to offer you my support and a huge cyber hug! Please don't let this get to you!! Your family will be always come first and we all know how hard it is dealing with debt and hard times and you will find so much support here so please keep coming back to us - we are here to help and listen. Please keep strong and take the first steps at seeing your GP. Much love xx

Thank you so much (cyber hug back)
I am going to make an appointment to see my G.P, I think I need counselling or maybe even medication.. Since having our daughter this whole spending thing has gone crazy. I mean I was never great at saving, and yes I spent a little too much at times, but the most debt I ever had was around £100, not £2000 and worse still, at a time like this, when we cannot in any way afford it - I have never in my life been this way with shopping, I don't even get why I am this way myself?
And I intend to keep coming here as often as I can. To know I am not alone and that others are and have come through this will most certainly help.
Thank you again, xxx

ellienellie

hostie wrote: »

Hi ellienellie,

It sounds like counselling might help you as the things you mention might be the symptoms of what is bothering you. It does sound like you need some support. Do you have a best friend that you could confide in who could help you.

I would suggest focusing on improving your emotional well being and that might help you with the other things. So go out for a wee walk every day with your baby. Try to socialise with friends or family and if you don´t have friends or family nearby try to go to a mothers and toddlers group.

Maybe selling a few things on ebay might help. ... ebaying can give you a similar thrill except that you are selling.

Also if you post your SOA people might be able to help you with the financial difficulty.

Hi there,
I agree, I may well need counselling to find out what's going on with my obsessive behaviour. I mean I really don't even get it myself.
Sadly I am pretty much alone, other than my husband, I only have my father (who is an alcoholic -- long and unpleasant story there) needless to say we are not close. A mothers & baby group would probably be good, except I have no confidence whatsoever. I am massively shy & avoid people wherever I can.
I do sell on ebay, but once again the problem is buying on ebay... sigh..
Can I ask what SOA is?
Thanks agin for your reply.

ellienellie

whitewing wrote: »

How are you ellienellie?

Trying.... struggling, but at least it's in the open now and I have to face up to it.
Thanks for asking, I appreciate it

How are you?

ellienellie

Norfolk_Jim wrote: »

Some good advice up there - you do need to get some help.
It's just my opinion, and you need proper professional help with this, but clearly compulsive spenders get something, a fix if you like, from getting something. My wife, who has mental health issues (and so do I) has something similar, it's just the buzz of getting something, then afterwards - nothing, so she goes in search of another fix - to fill a hole that things never will.
So you need to find out what it is that buying stuff satisfies temporarily and then get some coping strategies and alternatives in place. It isn't easy so I'd suggest speaking with your GP or maybe one of the charities like Mencap. Don't be embarrased about asking about mental health issues, it's very common, just an illness like any other. Since you are self harming, don't delay seeking help, please.

Sounds just like me as well... may I ask if you & your wife also suffer from depression?
Best wishes to you both x

ellienellie

I am really touched by all of your replies and support.
My apologies in the delay to reply, things are rough and time is not my friend.
I will be sticking with this site & I hope to get to know a lot more about you all on the way.
Thanks once again to you all, I hope you are all doing and feeling well.

Angie x

barbiedoll

Hi Angie, hope you're ok.

As your daughter is so young and you feel that your problems have increased since her birth, it may be that you're suffering from post-natal depression (PND), which, as you may know, is very common. It can be treated very sucessfully and, like any other mental illness, is nothing to be ashamed of or embarassed about. See your GP or even your health visitor, and tell them what's been going on. They should be your first port of call.

Your loneliness and money worries are a cause of your anxiety, along with the stresses and strains of caring for a small child, it's not surprising that you are feeling low. Don't let your shyness stop you from attending any mother and baby groups that you have access to, most new mums feel the same way and almost all of the groups are friendly and welcoming, plus, it will be good for your daughter to meet other children too. Ask your health visitor or baby clinic for ideas, or google your area and see what is going on.

Take/send back everything that you can and if you find yourself ordering anything else, send it back without trying it on or using it. You know that you don't need it, or even particularly want it, this is really just a nasty habit that you CAN break. Selling things and making money really can give you a buzz just like buying things does. It just takes a little bit of time to get used to it. Make selling things your new hobby, list your stuff on ebay and watch the bids at the very end, it's quite exciting watching the price go up at the last minute, even if it is only a couple of quid. Keep any earnings from your sold stuff and put it away towards paying the debts. Set up a different account for selling stuff, (start with a few small things to get your ratings up) and close down the old "buying" account. Your new "selling" account can represent the new you, the money-saving, non-impulse-buying, business-headed you.

Well done for facing your fears and for admitting your problems, you're very brave. We'll help you as much as we can so keep us posted. Good luck!

ellienellie

barbiedoll wrote: »

Hi Angie, hope you're ok.

As your daughter is so young and you feel that your problems have increased since her birth, it may be that you're suffering from post-natal depression (PND), which, as you may know, is very common. It can be treated very sucessfully and, like any other mental illness, is nothing to be ashamed of or embarassed about. See your GP or even your health visitor, and tell them what's been going on. They should be your first port of call.

Your loneliness and money worries are a cause of your anxiety, along with the stresses and strains of caring for a small child, it's not surprising that you are feeling low. Don't let your shyness stop you from attending any mother and baby groups that you have access to, most new mums feel the same way and almost all of the groups are friendly and welcoming, plus, it will be good for your daughter to meet other children too. Ask your health visitor or baby clinic for ideas, or google your area and see what is going on.

Take/send back everything that you can and if you find yourself ordering anything else, send it back without trying it on or using it. You know that you don't need it, or even particularly want it, this is really just a nasty habit that you CAN break. Selling things and making money really can give you a buzz just like buying things does. It just takes a little bit of time to get used to it. Make selling things your new hobby, list your stuff on ebay and watch the bids at the very end, it's quite exciting watching the price go up at the last minute, even if it is only a couple of quid. Keep any earnings from your sold stuff and put it away towards paying the debts. Set up a different account for selling stuff, (start with a few small things to get your ratings up) and close down the old "buying" account. Your new "selling" account can represent the new you, the money-saving, non-impulse-buying, business-headed you.

Well done for facing your fears and for admitting your problems, you're very brave. We'll help you as much as we can so keep us posted. Good luck!

Hi Barbie and thanks,
I think you might be right about PND along with OCD. Anyways, I still haven't been able to stop... Damn, what the heck is wrong with me..
I just keep doing it. And I hate myself for it.
The doctor has prescribed new antidepressants, so I really hope they work. Otherwise I'll end up alone, broke and in an even worst state of mental health thank I am right now.
Why can't I just stop when I know it's wrong.... I feel like such a failure in every sense.

RAS

ellenellie

Do the compulsive purchasing and the self-harm serve the same purpose; the wind up and in the minutes after you buy or harm the the pick me up? Two angles on the same issue?