Compulsive shopper...can't cope

ellienellie

Hovel_lady wrote: »

I looked at WHY I was spending money. You need to work out what triggers the urge to spend money. Do you have any idea? It might seem indulgent doing lots of thinking but do it anyway. Get a piece of paper, write down whatever comes into your head. Is there anyone you can talk to apart from your husband?
Please stop feeling bad about all this, you're trying to sort it out now. There absolutely is a way out and it WILL get better. Believe me, I've been there.
Your husband loves you and wants to help. Let him. I found it really hard to let my OH help but it's the best thing I did.
Remember - you're stronger together.
Sort out a plan for dealing with it together. Whatever you need to do is OK.
I have a diary on here (The Hovel diary - yeah very original) do drop in and let me know how you are. I will be thinking of you, you're not alone xxx

Why do I do it?...sigh, I guess it's because I feel so low. Low about life, low about myself. I've never had a high opinion of myself, and I suffer with really low self esteem.
After I had my daughter I suffered with terrible PND. And the compulsive shopping started after that. It's like a "pick me up" , a buzz....for a while anyway. Then that passes (quickly). The guilt of course, is always there. But even that never stops me.
I will definitely check out your diary. Thank you so much, really xxx

Hovel_lady

ellienellie wrote: »

Why do I do it?...sigh, I guess it's because I feel so low. Low about life, low about myself. I've never had a high opinion of myself, and I suffer with really low self esteem.
After I had my daughter I suffered with terrible PND. And the compulsive shopping started after that. It's like a "pick me up" , a buzz....for a while anyway. Then that passes (quickly). The guilt of course, is always there. But even that never stops me.
I will definitely check out your diary. Thank you so much, really xxx

Spent years feeling low, miserable and worse so I understand what you're saying.
I still have blue days when everything seems hard work & horrible.
You need to find a way to feel better about yourself. You're a good person who is struggling at the moment. Doesn't make you bad, just human.
You might not believe me now (I didn't when people tried to tell me) but you can and will get through this and come out the other side stronger. Yes, really.
(((hugs)))

ellienellie

I SO wish I could be one of those people who are confident, content and don't give a flying rats behind about what others think. I would love to be happy in my own skin, and just enjoy life. You know, the simple stuff.
Nothing seems to be fun anymore. It's like I've lost my lust for life somewhere, and I don't know why or how.

However, there is one thing guaranteed to warm my heart...whenever my little girl smiles or laughs or says mama
That and my long suffering, ever so patient and loving husband and our two cats

Hovel_lady

ellienellie wrote: »

I SO wish I could be one of those people who are confident, content and don't give a flying rats behind about what others think. I would love to be happy in my own skin, and just enjoy life. You know, the simple stuff.
Nothing seems to be fun anymore. It's like I've lost my lust for life somewhere, and I don't know why or how.

However, there is one thing guaranteed to warm my heart...whenever my little girl smiles or laughs or says mama
That and my long suffering, ever so patient and loving husband and our two cats

There you see - 4!! - good things in your life. Daughter, husband, 2 cats. Build on that.
I'm much more confident than I was but still find it tough. Yes, content for the most part. I do now enjoy my life.
It's great living in a hovel on 3p a week, I love it
The Hovel dog says "woof" to your cats.
xxx

RAS

ellienellie wrote: »

I SO wish I could be one of those people who are confident, content and don't give a flying rats behind about what others think. I would love to be happy in my own skin, and just enjoy life. You know, the simple stuff.
Nothing seems to be fun anymore. It's like I've lost my lust for life somewhere, and I don't know why or how.

However, there is one thing guaranteed to warm my heart...whenever my little girl smiles or laughs or says mama
That and my long suffering, ever so patient and loving husband and our two cats

Hi Glad you found someone who understands.

A couple of other thoughts.

There is a thread on the Money Saving Oldstyle forum called 5 pleasures a day https://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/discussion/2039611. It is where people list the good things in their lives (mostly), so that they can acknowledge them. Might be worth joining? They are a friendly crew.

The other thing is to acknowledge how you feel and let it be. You may find www.focusing.org worth looking at. If you and your husband want to, you can take one of the basic exercises and do it together (turn and turn about). You can share as much as you want; it is quite possible to work effectively just using keywords to describe things.

DarnIt_3

I haven't read all the replies, but what I did read it sounds as if people are being really nice and kind, so I don't need to reassure you that you shouldn't feel bad.

If I was you I would cancel my bank account and bank card. Chop up any credits cards, (if you have memorised the numbers you need to cancel the cards get new ones sent and then chop it up so you do not know the numbers) get your OH to have a bank account in his name and not give you a card that way he can take control of the finances. You need to deactivate any paypal accounts and any other account that you have access to money on. You need to contact ALL you catelogues and get them to reduce your limit so you practically have 0 available to spend.
If you can do this you will be on the first stage to getting yourself out of this mess and you will feel better knowing that you are doing everything you.

If you need to....get rid of the internet.

Put your child first, I am sure your children want a happy healthy mummy.

onlyroz

I think you should treat this as you might treat a gambling addiction. So you need to restrict your access to money - give your cards over to your partner and make sure that your accounts are empty. Get your partner to give you enough cash to last the day or week. Turn off the computer whenever possible. And speak to your GP.

sp1987

You say you have got worse since having your daughter. Is it clothes etc for your daughter, for you, both?

I wonder if your body confidence has gone down since having your daughter and you are buying clothes to help with that (if so, one solution is to find ways of making you body confident). I guess that would be one of the 'easier' problems to approach.

If you MUST buy things, can you take only cash and go to shops where things are cheap (ie pound shops) and go mad with £10 or something. That will allow you the controlled release and not leave you £200 down or whatever whilst you find other ways to get the satisfaction buying things is providing.

ms_night_ryder

hiya

I can't say i know how you feel, but i do sympathise, if you are not confident in going to a mother baby group, why don't you join an online group? my cousin was depressed and joined one of these groups, not saying it is the only thing that helped her, but she now has much better days, she now meets occassionally with the other mothers she has met, its not often because they are all over the country, but she can talk to someone online whenever she likes.

Also when you think of harming yourself, think of your daughter first, i grew up without a mum and it was not nice, it doesnt matter who else she has, a mum is VERY important, she needs you now and always will.

Also why don't you operate on a 5 out 1 in policy, where as for every 5 you sell online, you can buy one, this way you are cutting down the addiction, but making some money to survive/help with debts.

Dont know if any of this will help, but i wish you all the luck in the world.

Just never give up!

Hovel_lady

Just dropping in to say hello and send ((hugs)).
How are you? xx