Debt Family Robinson

Toxicboy

Help
My family are out to drive me mad.
My brother and sister have no money management skills and are both at university. Both have poor money management skills and don't know how to manage money apart from spending it like water. Sister is a little better but has already got herself into a rip off money loan for a computer which she thought was zero percent interest. Brother has a love of get rich quick schemes and is convinced he is the next Richard Branson but he is not.

However this is not the worst of it all
Mom is even worse and is the one from whom these debts come from. Dad works his !!! off to clear the debts as fast as mom spends the money. Now their house is about to be repossessed. I have helped out with the mortgage before on the understanding that they would get the debts sorted out. But it has'nt happened.

This time I really don't think I want to help them out again because I want to start my own family but I know I need to do something if only to stop them losing the house. However I am at my wits end about how to do it. I can probably afford one month's mortgage for them but no more. And I still have my own to pay. I know if I lend them the money I won't get it back.

Don't get me wrong I am no angel when it comes to debt and I have had my own problems in the past but I really want to just go around there and read them the riot act and take all the cards off them that I can find but I know that if I do it this way around they will not want to talk to me and I cannot make them suffer by letting them lose the house as they will only have to come and live here if I just am selfish. Added to this they are my in-laws and in my wife's family you cannot go around treating adults like naughty little kids. Any advice on how to approach this.

hobo28

hi Toxic

I feel for you. But at the end of the day they are all adults and are responsible for themselves. Its great that you want to help them out but unless they are genuinely willing to change which from the sounds of things they don't then your just throwing good money after bad. You'll become the person who always bails them out and they'll actually hate you when you eventually decide not to help them any longer.

Help them by listening and dealing with the companies if thats what they want, after all they are family but don't give them any more of your hard earned cash. Its not helping them at all.

alwaysonthego_2

hobo28 wrote:

hi Toxic

I feel for you. But at the end of the day they are all adults and are responsible for themselves. Its great that you want to help them out but unless they are genuinely willing to change which from the sounds of things they don't then your just throwing good money after bad. You'll become the person who always bails them out and they'll actually hate you when you eventually decide not to help them any longer.

Help them by listening and dealing with the companies if thats what they want, after all they are family but don't give them any more of your hard earned cash. Its not helping them at all.

I was going to say that. You are not responsible for them, you have your own family to consider. If you help them, they are only going to stick their head in the sand. Let them learn from their own mistakes. Good luck.

Toxicboy

Thanks for your help guys.
Sounds like a good idea not to give them money. Both the wife and I were getting tired of doshing out the cash. Any advice abouit introducing them to the idea of managing debt effectively. I did introduce them to the site and they do use it but only for the dark side of debt management ie using credit cards to juggle the debt rather than pay it.

alwaysonthego_2

How about booking them an appointment with Citizens advice bureau. Remember only they can help themselves, if they don't want help then there is nothing you can do.

mountainofdebt

Is there any financial literacy courses in your area?

Until I joined this site I thought I knew a good deal when but the things I've learnt since joining obviously means I didn't!

I was once told that you could make the proverbal horse drink if you gave it enough salt and the salt in this case may be to stop bailing them out. It will be hard but how else will they learn?

hobo28

You can lead a horse to water but you can't make it drink.

Unless they WANT to change, anything you do will be just futile. If they're clever enough to use this site to juggle their debts then they are clever enough to manage their finances if they wanted to.