Mediation/Forced Sale

DVardysShadow

Between you and your partner, you need to agree about what you want to happen. I get the sense that you have not quite worked that out. So mediation is a complete waste of money and effort. You seem mesmerised by court, but there is no point in going there if you don't know what you want. Forgive me if I am wrong, but it looks like you are minded to respond tactically to the ex, but completely without any objectives other than to ensure she does not get one over on you.

So what do you want to happen? What does your partner want?

shortbread

Dvardy.....again you are misinterpreting what Ive written.....I assure you I am not mesmerised by courts....who on earth would be. She is the one sending solicitors letters and emails saying she is going to court to force sale. I have no desire to have to endure that process with my partner. Court has never been something my partner wanted. He tried to settle it back in Feb 2009 when she left, she refused, dragged her feet and has cost my partner almost 3k in solicitors fees....and now suddenly mention of court, but alas mediation before the judge will even look at it.

This house is my partners, I chose to move from my home to live here with him, so ofcourse I dont want the house to be sold so that we are all homeless....so ofcourse I back my partners wishes to stay in the home he has paid for , for the last 4 years. There is no equity to be gained from selling the house, he would have lost 16k from when he purchased it back in 2007, so doesnt make sense to sell right now.

His ex has every right to want share of any equity, have no issue with that, what I dont like is how she is doing it now, when she had ample chance to walk away over 2 years ago debt free and off the mortgage...but she manipulated things and now expects my partner to ump through hoops.... Fair is Fair and she isnt playing fair now. It is okay to judge me as the bitter new partner, but when you dont know the inside facts, its easy to assess that.
I am for fair play in any break up....its how I deal with my ex partner, so why wouldnt I expect anyone else to be the same, but you can only take so long of people playing games before you get bored. She wants it all, but doesnt really understand the facts and wont listen....she ignored her own solicitor for 2 years and now my partner has ended up in mediation just going over the same stuff her solicitor couldnt get through to her....YOU CANT GET BLOOD OUT A STONE.

All i require is sound advice about this situation...if my partner can get the mortgage then I hope the contract she signed will still stand, he gets to keep the house, she gets off the mortgage and is released of the 6k she owes to the joint loan...I mean how hard can it be....lol

I cant understand why when people split they drag it on and on and on....surely when you leave someone youd want all ties cut.....saves such headaches. I just want a roof over my head and her incessant demands to stop,not much to ask for is it ......lol

Seanymph

You say he has paid the mortgage alone for 5 years and you say YOU and he pay the mortgage.

If you are paying the mortgage think hard - you are paying half HER mortgage too - not just his, the house isn't his and yours, and if you and he split you and your child will end up homeless. You need to make sensible decisions leaving your sense of what is 'right' out of it.

She will almost certainly be able to force him to sell. She cannot force anyone to take her off the mortgage, nor can he - chances are the mortgage company will want to keep her on the mortgage for security (I was on one after moving out for many many years and was unable to buy another house because of it). So the option for them to break this tie will be to sell and take the loss.

She will have been told that the court will look for mediation, that if she takes it straight to court without mediation the judge MAY refer them back. Her solicitor will no doubt have told her that the investment of £120 first to establish that mediation has occurred and not worked will expedite the process.

DVardysShadow

shortbread wrote: »

Dvardy.....again you are misinterpreting what Ive written.....I assure you I am not mesmerised by courts....who on earth would be. She is the one sending solicitors letters and emails saying she is going to court to force sale. I have no desire to have to endure that process with my partner. Court has never been something my partner wanted. He tried to settle it back in Feb 2009 when she left, she refused, dragged her feet and has cost my partner almost 3k in solicitors fees....and now suddenly mention of court, but alas mediation before the judge will even look at it.

This house is my partners, I chose to move from my home to live here with him, so ofcourse I dont want the house to be sold so that we are all homeless....so ofcourse I back my partners wishes to stay in the home he has paid for , for the last 4 years. There is no equity to be gained from selling the house, he would have lost 16k from when he purchased it back in 2007, so doesnt make sense to sell right now.

His ex has every right to want share of any equity, have no issue with that, what I dont like is how she is doing it now, when she had ample chance to walk away over 2 years ago debt free and off the mortgage...but she manipulated things and now expects my partner to ump through hoops.... Fair is Fair and she isnt playing fair now. It is okay to judge me as the bitter new partner, but when you dont know the inside facts, its easy to assess that.
I am for fair play in any break up....its how I deal with my ex partner, so why wouldnt I expect anyone else to be the same, but you can only take so long of people playing games before you get bored. She wants it all, but doesnt really understand the facts and wont listen....she ignored her own solicitor for 2 years and now my partner has ended up in mediation just going over the same stuff her solicitor couldnt get through to her....YOU CANT GET BLOOD OUT A STONE.

All i require is sound advice about this situation...if my partner can get the mortgage then I hope the contract she signed will still stand, he gets to keep the house, she gets off the mortgage and is released of the 6k she owes to the joint loan...I mean how hard can it be....lol

I cant understand why when people split they drag it on and on and on....surely when you leave someone youd want all ties cut.....saves such headaches. I just want a roof over my head and her incessant demands to stop,not much to ask for is it ......lol

This is mostly about courts, mediation, ex, solicitor, keeping the house, release from mortgage, joint loan, break up, ex, mediation, mortgage, share of equity, mediation.

OK we are a bit further forward, in that we know you want a roof over your head and less clearly that you might want this roof over your head. But advice is only any good for resolving something. So tell us plainly, what roof do you want? Do you want this roof? Are you and your partner agreed on this - or are you looking down this road for your partner's sake and you would rather be away from anything the ex had a hand in?

In the face of a tale about courts, mediation, ex, solicitor, keeping the house, release from mortgage, joint loan, break up, ex, mediation, mortgage, share of equity, mediation, you are unlikely to get much coherent advice, because over 90% of what you are writing is foliage which

• obscures the central issue of what do you really want
• obliterates the next issue of whether you have the resources to get what you want

As a general principle, you should be able to retain the property if you value it properly and you have the resources without getting bogged down in courts, mediation, ex, solicitor, keeping the house, release from mortgage, joint loan, break up, ex, mediation, mortgage, share of equity, mediation.

She could go to court to force a sale, but you could pull the rug from under her by offering market value. If you can't offer market value, you should retire gracefully from this and put it up for sale. No need for court and mediation, either way.

shortbread

Seany and Vardy, I fully appreciate your inputs I really do.

I do need to consider what I want in this, and will adit it hasnt been easy adjusting to living in someone elses house as It has always been my own place I had...and its also difficult moving into another womans home. I do like the house and have decorated top to bottom and feel its my home, even if not my house. I know I would be more comfortable if it belonged to my partner only....but I knew the score when I moved in and knew he was in process of trying to achieve this. I hear so often why dont you just start a fresh, something new together...and while it sounds good, I also see the value in staying where we are if we can because I have put a lot into it now making it my home.

I am backing my partner in trying to stay here, for the time being it is what we both want and want things to be so less complicated. I cant be bothered with all the crap that is involved with it all but I guess we must endure.

After mediation yesterday the mediator has given my partner a few months to see if he can get the resolution he wanted previously....he gets the mortgage, and takes over her loan. The ex is ok with this for now....I am aware though that mediation means nothing. So for the time being it is now about sorting his finances and seeing if he can move forward in the transfer of equity..his Mortgage provider had already agreed previously to this before the spanner in the works....so heres hoping it can all get going and things sorted. The mediator actually explained that there was no equity in the house after the 11k loan was paid off....and that going to court would be very very expensive...so maybe now the ex is actually working on reality rather than the crap she had been fed from friends and family shouting about how shed get about 65k if the house sold for 130k....fingers crossed

DVardysShadow

OK, actually sounds like the mediation was worth the money if only for having kicked court into the grass for a few months.

I am guessing that the mortgage is about 120k, value about 130k. This means that it really is tight to go to a different lender. But if you have decorated and the place looks good, you might just swing a favourable valuation for a remortgage as long as you don't go anywhere near trying to sell it [a possible valuation of 135k would be quickly undermined by being on the market at 137k with no interest].

Is there any possibility of a transfer of equity to you? Is it possible to generate a war chest over the next few months by maxing out the credit cards and using them for more of your purchases and paying back less and by going on a tight spending regime? Could you look at money which you would otherwise need to spend on selling and buying a new property or on deposits and credit referencing if you rented as being worthwhile to put in the direction of the ex? Is it worth offering this inducement into the mediation in your own name and without using the justification I have given for you to think about, to avoid it becoming binding on your partner?

neverdespairgirl

shortbread wrote: »

You really think a judge will say its best to sell a house that cost 146k and to sell it now its only valued at 130k have it sold and have about 11k equity which the £10,456 joint loan has to be paid from?? Does this really look like what the judge will agree to especially as she delayed any transfer of equity for the last 2 years....???

Yes, to be honest.

It's not really a matter of discretion for the judge. The ex owns half the house, and is entitled to force a sale.

It's not just the money. She's still tied into a mortgage, and financially linked with her ex. You must see that is a position most people would want to end.

shortbread

Agreed Never despair.....but shes had 28 months and cost my partner over 3k in solicitors fees whilst she ignored every opportunity to do it....and now she wants to do it, now that Ive moved in and she sees hes moving on... ...she could have been taken off way back in Feb 2009......its all just madness, be glad when its all over.

pimento

You're living in her house with her man. I might have dragged my feet too.

neverdespairgirl

shortbread wrote: »

Agreed Never despair.....but shes had 28 months and cost my partner over 3k in solicitors fees whilst she ignored every opportunity to do it....and now she wants to do it, now that Ive moved in and she sees hes moving on... ...she could have been taken off way back in Feb 2009......its all just madness, be glad when its all over.

that's not really relevant if she makes an application now.

Surely your ex wants to sever the link, too?