Advise please on leaving the marital home.

adaw

Dear all,
My husband and I have been married for 5 years and have 3 children.
I have decided that I have had enough of his aggressive behaviour and
I don’t want my kids growing up in that environment. He has never been physically violent to me or the kids but he has an explosive temper and when he shouts we all cower with fear.
He is a police officer and is very assertive, bordering on aggressive when he wants his own way.
He swears at the 3 year old shouting “f**cking hell” etc over absolutely nothing.

Anyway my question is we jointly own the matrimonial home but there is no way I could afford to pay the mortgage on it. He can afford to and in the long term will probably buy me out.
In the short term do I have to move into rented accommodation or can I make him to leave the house.
I want to get my facts right as I know he will browbeat me.
Thanks in advance.
Regards

happy_t

I don't know about the legal aspect of forcing him to leave the home but suggest that you visit the CAB regarding this.

However, I do know that if you present yourself to your local authority as homeless, as you can no longer tolerate living at the marital home then you should be rehomed.

Although your husband has never been physically violent to you, it still sounds as if you are in an abusive relationship. (There is a really good article on the BBC website regarding this bbc.co.uk/relationships)
This means you will have a better chance of being rehomed.

Hope this helps

Alan50

Sorry to here your story, I think 'Bossyboots' a regular on this site could give you the correct advice.

Alan

november

Please read the advice and information given by Women's Aid. Here is their website http://www.womensaid.org.uk/default.asp

If you and your children are scared of him and he is controlling your and their behaviour through that it is domestic violence. It doesn't matter if he has never been physically violent to you, psychological abuse is extremely damaging to both you and your children.

Women's Aid have a free phone line for advice. Please phone it when you have a safe moment to do so - 0808 2000 247 and get some advice from the experts

Good luck & best wishes for the future

janeawej

I think you need to see a solicitor for some proper legal advice, many offer a free one off session (hoping you will use them if you do decide to proceed) this would give you the real curent legal advice regarding your situation, good luck i hope you work something out, jane

Mics_chick

I'm pretty sure that you will be able to get him to leave the house in the meantime especially as you have children but you obviously need to work out your finances too. The CAB will be fantastic at this - I've recently been (over a different situation to yours) and they were a big help to me. They should be able to help with what you would need to do get him to leave the house and then be able to help with any benefits you will be able to claim and how to contact the CSA.

They say the biggest step is the first one and you've done that by asking for help on here - so stay strong and be brave and make an appointment to see someone at your local CAB.

Good luck MC

flossy_splodge

Please please be careful about leaving the marital home. Go to the CAB or as suggested already a 'free' half hour with a specialist lawyer but tread carefully. It is so easy to take step and have cause to regret it all your life. I too had an emotionally scarring husband who has all the oney in the world (goes on loads of holidays with his current female) and can afford expensive everything whilst I struggle to keep my head above water and all because I was so upset I did not keep calm and get good advice. Please do so for your sake and the children. Good luck.

Prudent

I am sorry, its a hard place to be in. Do get advice first. If the children are staying with you, its far less distruptive for them if you are able to stay in the home. Just to give you another perspective though I chose to move out because of an abusive ex. He had actually already moved out, but was still saying he could move back in/ break in if he chose and was making threats.

I have no regrets retrospectively. My new home only has no memories of bad times with my ex and I have been able to make my own decisions about it. For me it was a huge financial struggle and a lot of worry and uncertainity. Four years down the line, the house is all mine and I have worked hard (it was in a bad state) and I feel very satisfied. It has been good for my self esteem.

the_optimist

As the other posters said before, get advice either from the CAB or a freeby solicitor session (or both). If you own the house jointly you cannot make your husband leave the house, but as you have young children you may be able to keep the house while he continues paying and moves out. This needs to be sorted by the solicitors. My children were too old when I left my husband, so it didn't apply to me and I can't remember excatly what the rule was. Maybe somebody else knows?

mrsdee

Have you discussed his anger with him? Is this the only bit of your marriage which is wrong? What if he could fix that, go to anger counselling etc? Would you stay with him?
I would be surprised if the Police dont have some sort of counselling service they can offer their employees. They have an incredibly stressful job.
Surely it is better to try and fix this problem together if you both can, rather than decide unilaterally to walk away. At least try. Do you know what is causing it? Has he always been like this in the 5 years you have been with him?