Grammer and punctuation help

alwaysonthego_2

Savvy_Sue wrote:

I wouldn't go as far as to say dyslexic, but if this is an example of your normal writing style - and I accept it might not be! - then we have at least 7 things that have leapt out at some of us - including grammer in the title of your first post, but the sentance bbruce refers to is not you but Lisa, which just proves that we all make mistakes! :rotfl:

No this is not my usual writing style, I did it in an hurry with my baby on my knee

lisa_75

Savvy_Sue wrote:

I wouldn't go as far as to say dyslexic, but if this is an example of your normal writing style - and I accept it might not be! - then we have at least 7 things that have leapt out at some of us - including grammer in the title of your first post, but the sentance bbruce refers to is not you but Lisa, which just proves that we all make mistakes! :rotfl:

It is as simple as not spell checking! My spelling is TERRIBLE. I am amazed at the number of students who don't even do a spell and grammar check.

lisa_75

alwaysonthego wrote:

No this is not my usual writing style, I did it in an hurry with my baby on my knee

Ok. Well maybe then copy and paste a few paragraphs and we will see if we can give you some pointers.

alwaysonthego_2

lisa_75 wrote:

Ok. Well maybe then copy and paste a few paragraphs and we will see if we can give you some pointers.

Attachment can be defined as a close emotional bond between the two People. To secure attachment there needs to be a receptive emotional interaction between the two people. People can become attached to various items such a ‘favourite teddy’ or even a pair of trainers, but the most important attachment is usually experienced in early life. To be able to understand human social development, people’s early relationships need to be examined. This is because the foundations of social behaviour are established through relationships that are formed during infancy.

When a infant becomes attached to it’s primary carer, there is a ‘desire to maintain proximity’. The infant can become very distressed on separation, but when they are reunited there is definite pleasure and happiness reciprocated between both parties. When the infant is in ‘close proximity’ to its primary caregiver, it will often seek reassurance to create security.

When the infant is born, it is thought that attachment is an innate drive for survival. Infants that do not form an attachment are less likely survive and therefore do reproduce, which could lead to devastating results for all mankind. This is why it is important to establish attachment in early life because it affects social relationships, provides temples and promotes survival and reproduction. This is why Bowlby(1969) was really concerned about the mother/child attachment. He claimed that secured attachment in infancy is just as important to mental health as vitamins and protein is for physical health. Bowlby disagreed with unnecessarily separating the mother and child and believed it could be detrimental. ‘if a child needs to be in hospital the mother should be encouraged to visit daily’(Bowlby1940). Bowlby and his followers, who developed his ideas, see the child’s first relationship as crucial. Therefore the aim of this essay is to discuss if there is any independent evidence to support Bowlby’s theory - or was it political hogwash?

John Bowlby(1953) was well into his 50’s when he devised his ‘attachment theory’. Heavily influenced by Sigmund Freud, he wanted to ensure that he preserved some of Freud’s insights. The roots of research on attachment began with Freud’s(1929) theories about love. Bowlby(1969) devoted extensive research to the concept of attachment describing it as a ‘lasting psychological connectedness between human beings’ (Bowlby, 1969). Bowlby(1969) shared the psychoanalytic view, just like Freud, that early experiences in childhood have an important influence on development and behaviour later in life. That our early attachment styles are established in childhood through the infant/caregiver relationship. Bowlby(1988) also believed that attachment had an evolutionary component, it aids survival. ‘The propensity to make strong emotional bonds to particular individuals [is] a basic component of human nature’(Bowlby,1988).

Whilst Bowlby(1944) was working with young emotionally disturbed juveniles, he conducted his ‘forty-four thieves: their character and home-life’ study. From this he concluded that the reason why the youths behaviour was antisocial was because they were separated from their mothers. This research was criticised because Bowlby used the case study method, which is not always very reliable because records are not always complete. Also peoples memories of past events can be biased or they simply could forget key parts that would be important and would affect the outcome of the results. Bowlby’s critics argued that the way he constructed his research made his conclusion flawed. When he divided the youths into two groups, he should have matched a group of youths that had been separated from their mothers with a group that hadn’t. If there was a difference in the outcome between the two groups, then he could have indeed concluded that it was due to the lack of maternal attachment.

The nature/nurture debate still continues today with professionals still questioning what drives behaviour and how attachment is developed? The behaviourist approach took the view that all behaviour has been learnt from the result of conditioning. They believed that when a baby is born, it has a natural instinct to need food, which fulfils the baby’s hunger, causing it pleasure. It then associates the primary carer, who feeds it, to the feeling of pleasure. According to behaviourist’s theory this is the basis of the attachment bond. Bowlby’s theory contradicted this approach, that it isn’t the food that is the source of the emotional attachment but quality interaction between the infant and primary caregiver.

aurora_borealis_2

alwaysonthego wrote:

Attachment can be defined as a close emotional bond between [STRIKE]the[/STRIKE] two People. To secure attachment, [STRIKE]there needs to be[/STRIKE] a receptive emotional interaction between [STRIKE]the [/STRIKE]two people is necessary. [STRIKE]People [/STRIKE]Individuals can become attached to various items such as a ‘favourite teddy’, or even a pair of trainers, but the most important attachment is usually experienced in early life within relational bonding. To be able to understand human social development, an individual's early relationships need to be examined. This is because the foundations of social behaviour are established through relationships that are formed during infancy.

When an infant becomes attached to it[STRIKE]’[/STRIKE]s primary carer, there is a ‘desire to maintain proximity’ reference?. The infant can become very distressed on separation, but when they are reunited, there is definite pleasure and happiness reciprocated between both parties who says this?. When the infant is in ‘close proximity’ ref to its primary caregiver, it will often seek reassurance to create security.

I just had a quick look at the first two paras ...

I've been asked if I'm dyslexic too - you get blind to your own work

lisa_75

Aurora has given you some great advice, so I won’t repeat it. If you are finding difficulty finding words that mean the same thing (you used the word people several times) use your thesaurus is Microsoft Word. It is an invaluable tool when writing essays and will give you many different options for the same word.

Your referencing also seems a little slack. However, I am not sure how strict they are on this at Access level, but if you are thinking of studying further you will need to read up on how to reference correctly.

spanner82

I got an A in English GCSE also - I am now studying at an adult college and we all have to do national english and maths tests so have been having lessons in grammer/punctuation etc and I was really surprised how much I got wrong.

Try the bbc webpage on skillswise - they h ve allsorts of mini tests etc that will highlight what you are doing wrong - such as aprostrophes in the wrong place etc

spanner82

p.s. just read your copy and paste paragraphs - they are pretty good with just a few errors so I do think with some work on sentence structure and some guidance on how when you need to use inverted comma's etc you will be producing fantastic essays

melancholly

Just to be really picky about the text (and this is meant to be helpful and not an assassination so i hope it's helpful), here's a few points (unfortunately not in a particularly organised order!):

1. Avoid repetition of the same phrases (e.g. paragraph 2, 2 consecutive sentences start with 'This is why'). This doesn't change the content but is just nicer to read.

2. Some markers in psychology don't like too many direct quotations in the text (it's all down to style) - sometimes they can prefer it if you reword things and then just put the reference at the end.

3. End of paragraph 4 - it's usually best to always comment on any quote that you give. Even if you think it's really obvious why you included it, you get more marks for your interpretation than for just using a good quote.

4. 'According to behaviourist’s theory' - could be rewritten as 'According to the theory of behaviourism'.

5. Always avoid abbreviations in formal write ups (isn't, it's, don't etc etc) - I circle them in red and put crosses through then when I find them in essays (of psychology undergrads btw)!!

6. 'Bowlby’s critics argued that the way he constructed his research made his conclusion flawed.' - you need references to back up this statement. Always get a reference in for any fact!

7. 'Bowlby and his followers,' - who were they? If you mention them, it's probably best to give their names.



I think it's clear that you have read a lot about this topic - no doubt of that, it's more to do with presenting the facts in the best possible way. In general (obviously there are exceptions), try to limit direct quotes and remember to reference *everything*! You could also link some of your sentences slightly more - the first paragraph reads a little bit like a list rather then a series of flowing sentences. Some of your sentences could have a comma in them - if you read your essay out loud, have a comma whenever you feel like you need to pause a second (e.g. sentences starting 'Also,....' should have a comma as there is usually a little break after linking words like that.)

But I'm just being picky - you have a solid essay that will get an above average mark. There are just a few little tweaks you could do to present your work a little better to enable you to get top marks. The only other thing I can add is that some lecturers like lots of recent references - this obviously depends on the topic and what the important research is, but it shows extra reading.

Hope that helps!