Caught between warring friends!

Plans_all_plans

As the title says I'm in the middle as two of my friends are caught in an ongoing row. Thought I'd left all this sort of stuff behind in the playground.

My current way of dealing with the whole thing is letting both of them sound off to me about the other, but not giving my opinion or any input whatsoever to either of them. Other days I just say "I'm not getting involved, please stop talking about it."

Ideally I'd like them to call some form of truce and at least be civil to each other. My question is, do I attempt to be a peacemaker by trying to get them both being nice to each other again, or do I do as I am doing and stay well out of it?

I'm erring to the side of staying well out of it, but at the same time it is putting me in an awkward position with both of them rowing, so if there's a good way of being a peacemaker I'm happy to hear it.

Any ideas/advice?!

CH27

I'd stay well out of it.

Plans_all_plans

That's what I thought!

Pee

How likely do you think it is they will make up?

If they have been friends for a long time and still basically like one another, I might even have a go at being peacemaker.

When this happened to me the two friends did not talk to one another again - it's now maybe eight years later - and sadly I ended up drifting apart from both of them as they both knew i was in contact with the other and although I never talked about either of them to the other, I still felt it caused my relationships with them to deteriorate. It also made me think less of both of them, as they were friends I really admired acting in such a childish way that I couldn't respect.

Plans_all_plans

Exactly how I feel Pee. It's the childishness I'm finding hard to abide. I have doubts that they will ever make up because they were not that close to begin with. I'm closer to one than the other, but I'm not prepared to take sides cos I'm annoyed that I'm in the position in the first place.

MidLifeCrisis_3

Stay out of it and don't take sides... or as a last resort you could try setting them both up for a night out (blind date even!) to put it to bed once and for all

scooby088

I sometimes wonder in these circumstances what are the point of having friends, you are stuck in the middle. All i would suggest is tell both of your friends when slagging each other off to go and say it to their face and that you don't want to be in the middle anymore or even better ring jeremy kyle and get him to sort it out.

sashadesade

Pff, stay well out of it. If they started I would just say 'If you have a problem with x then go and discuss it with him/her, it's got nothing to do with me'. But I'm pretty blunt that way.

Desperado99

Pee wrote: »

How likely do you think it is they will make up?

If they have been friends for a long time and still basically like one another, I might even have a go at being peacemaker.

When this happened to me the two friends did not talk to one another again - it's now maybe eight years later - and sadly I ended up drifting apart from both of them as they both knew i was in contact with the other and although I never talked about either of them to the other, I still felt it caused my relationships with them to deteriorate. It also made me think less of both of them, as they were friends I really admired acting in such a childish way that I couldn't respect.

This happened to me too, Pee. I stayed neutral, and as a result lost all the friends involved as neither side trusted me. Now, sadly, I don't tend to get involved with large groups of women as I can't deal with the fallouts.

Previous to this, I had a similar situation where I did pick a side (even though it was nothing to do with me). Long story short, they got drunk, made up, and I was left looking like an idiot - and no, they are no longer friends with me either.

I still believe being neutral is best - but don't let them moan to you about each other, because all it will do is add stress to your life.

good luck with it

pigpen

Don't let them slag the other off to you.. that is unfair. Cut them off saying you are not prepared to discuss the other at all... and they should either sort it out between them like adults or decide never to see or speak of the other so long as they live.

I can't abide b!tching... I come from a long line of 'say your piece and let it be'

Hermia

pigpen wrote: »

I can't abide b!tching... I come from a long line of 'say your piece and let it be'

Hear hear! I get really peed off with how many adult women still act like silly teenage girls. I can't put up with it.

When this sort of thing has happened to me I have just said, "I like you both so I don't want to hear any of this". My friends know I don't like b!!!!ing and nastiness anyway so they are not too surprised that I won't have anything to do with this sort of behaviour. Getting involved could potentially be a nightmare especially if one starts to think you are taking the other's one side more etc.