Another teenage son problem....

sheltieLinda

My son will be 20 in July, and spent 3 years at college doing C&G levels 2 and 3 plumbing and heating, which he passed with flying colours. He has had a couple of jobs with "one man bands" who both took advantage of him (didnt pay him regularly, deducted his wages if he made minor mistakes, made him work very long hours for £30 (yes £30) a DAY. He has also had a couple of part time jobs that have come to an end due to fixed term contracts. He has also done some private plumbing jobs but these are few and far between.

The upshot of this post is, he has been out of work for about a month now, and to my knowledge has done nothing to find a job. He stays in his room all day, playing on the Xbox, only comes out for the loo and food, occasionally will do some DIY jobs for me, but nothing strenuous or time consuming.

My husband and I seperated 18 months ago and i bought the house that my son and I live in just before Christmas. It is vital that my son pays his way as i cannot afford to support him, my outgoings are massive! But i just cant get it through to him that he should be getting off his butt and doing something!!!! His keep is due tomorrow (£150 a month which includes his mobile phone and m/bike insurance) and im bracing myself that he wont have it to give to me. He is signing on, but after 3 years at college its such a waste, i dont know what to do or how. I feel he needs someone to take him under their wing, be a role model perhaps. He lacks confidence that much i do know, and doesnt drive/own a car so going s/employed at the moment is out of the question.

Any ideas or suggestions gratefully received, sorry for the long post!!!


Linda

pigpen

How about he does a few jobs for friends.. or puts a postacard in the post office window advertising himself.. he should get a few local jobs so wouldn't need transport. It will boost his confidence if nohing else.

Or send him round to mine I have loads I could use him for!!! Though he might need transport then

Sambucus_Nigra

Have you sat down and asked him what he is going to do - he's had a break and now needs to pull his finger out.

daska

If he's signing on then they will be expecting him to look for a job. So sit down with him and talk about what the bills are like. Perhaps he needs to set up a standing order so that his keep is transferred to you automatically as soon as it goes into his account? Explain to him that you need him to pay his way or you need him to move out so you can get a lodger. Don't be nasty, just show him the shortfall caused by him not paying. £150 is very reasonable for bed and board, especially if it includes his phone and bike insurance - if he doesn't believe you then look up local rents and cost out utilities and a weeks food with him so that he has a chance to recognise where all the costs are.

Mojisola

sheltieLinda wrote: »

His keep is due tomorrow (£150 a month which includes his mobile phone and m/bike insurance) and im bracing myself that he wont have it to give to me.

I would change this as soon as possible! He's old enough to be responsible for his own outgoings.

If he doesn't come up with some money for the housekeeping - don't do the shopping.

What does he think he would do if he was living independently and ran out of money?

If he can't find plumbing work, what about pub work, supermarkets, burger bars, etc. A short spell in one of those jobs might push him to using his qualifications.

flutterbyuk25

Is he maybe a bit down and unmotivated at the moment? I agree with others that you need to sit and explain to him about the need for him to contribute to household expenses.

I work for Prince's Trust and we run a 12 week personal development programme where young people gain/develop skills such as motivation, teamwork, confidence, work based skills and problem solving. It could be worthwhile you/him looking into it. It would not affect his benefits and can work wonders on unmotivated young adults. Here's the link

x

sheltieLinda

Thank you all for your advice, in particular flutterbyuk25, ive followed the link and looked at the site, it could be just the thing he needs, thank you so much!