Can you get a financial clean break without yet having a divorce?

jetta_wales

My brother's split up from his wife and she's talking about money but they're not really ready for a divorce yet (it's only been a week). What I don't want to happen is that she agree's to splits and. They share everything out then a year later when they actually get round to the divorce, she screws him over by asking the courts for more.

Also one other question, is joint custody actually legally possible? I know only one parent can claim child support and tax credits and such but if she continues to receive these for the kids but he does have them for and equal share of the time then can this be made legally binding so she can't then try to say she's their main carer and go for 75% in the divorce?

We are still hoping it will stay amicable but if she's talking money already and wanting to stay in the house then I just feel I want to have his back and get as much info as possible should he need it.

Thanks for any help you can offer, I'm divorced myself but ours was always completely amicable and though I'm primary carer and always will be (as he wants also) I still said no to my solicitor when she recommended I go for 75% and we had a fair 50/50 split.

clearingout

I think what you're talking about is a separation agreement which would later be taken into account when the divorce was sorted. For such an agreement to 'count', it would need to be done legally and both parties would need to have sought legal advice for it to hold.

try https://www.wikivorce.com as that's the best place I know for divorce issues.

'custody' is not a term used any more. It has been replaced with 'residence'. Status quo is everything in child residence cases so if they agree 50/50 and have 50/50 then it will count for something. However, you are right about the child benefit etc. this can't be split, although some parents claim for a child each, for example (only works where there are two children).

Shared residence is complex and I find myself frustrated by this time and time again. If your brother is prepared to genuinely share care of the children (and by this I mean pick up from school on his days, arrange childcare, pay his share of hair cuts, school uniform, school dinners, trips, activities, birthday presents, be on call when a child is ill on 'his' time etc.) then 50/50 is a possibility. However, what I find is that many dads want shared care but in reality can't/won't manage it and see it as mum's responsibility to do school picks up everyday, feed the children and then dad picks up on the way home from work, puts them to bed in his house, gets them up and drops them at mum's to take to school. There's nothing 'shared' about this. It is simply an attempt to reduce maintenance liability.

the other major issue with shared care is quality of life for both parents - if both parents are earning roughly similar amounts, it is quite a simple thing to work out. However, if one party earns considerably more, there is a need to even things up somewhere along the line. Often mum works part-time and it can be difficult for her to find full-time work immediately or has given up her career prospects to care for children so is disadvantaged in this way. It can, of course, work the other way aswell.

There is a lot to think about to make things work. It's very early days - maybe give it a few weeks to settle and for everyone to come to terms with things?

onlyroz

Regarding the child benefit, if residence is split 50:50 then I'd say that the parent who receives it should be the one that pays for all the clothes, school trips etc.

jetta_wales

Thank you yes there are two children, claiming for one child each would be a good way to make the 50/50 share more official too I think and would be something on paper to prove her agreement to their arrangment come divorce time. I had a clean break order after my divorce if a separation order is the pre divorce version of this (or close to it) then that sounds like what he needs.

Thanks for the link, I'll be trailing through info all day I think.

He doesn't want to think about it too much, doesn't want to think bad of her yet still but so I want to be prepared and know as much as I can so he doesn't have to face these possibilities yet but I can have all the answers ready for him just in case.

peachyprice

I have very successful shared care with my ex. We share everthing equally, and yes, he does pick the children up from school and feed them when he has them. I get the child benefit but I pay for all the school uniform, school dinners and school trips from it, we both buy home clothes as and when needed/wanted.