I dont know what to do

oldtractor

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

pearl123

Hi, I would suggest an adult education course. Maybe something fun. A hobby maybe. A great way to get out and meet a few people.
Also try selling anything you don't want on ebay that would generate some extra pennies. And can be fun to do.
If you husband says you don't need to work - then maybe wait until something suitable comes up. Maybe, only with very few hours per week. 3-5 hrs maybe. Not to overdo it, but just to give you more money every month for a treat or two.
How about a little volunteering in the communtity also. An hour or so. That way also you'd meet more people and maybe feel less isolated.
If you get your thinking cap on - I'm sure you will work it out.

Lotsaweeds2

Hello OldTractor
After reading your post I do feel for you you obviously do have things that make it worth getting out of bed for and keeping you going. Would it help to try and break what is bothering you down into sections and deal with separately. You say that your close friend has problems at the moment so you cant confide in the, would it be worth speaking to the doctor about looking into counselling session with someone or perhaps even anti-depressants to help with the anxiety that you feel which is leading to a loss of confidence or if that isnt you, we all get into a routine sometimes which doesnt help if your feeling down I appreciate money is tight but would you and hubby be able to get out together at least one night go for a meal somewhere or go dancing or just do go for a walk together. With the work thing if those jobs havent suited you is there anything else you could look into doing obviously its quite rural where you are so the choice can be limited but you obviously know about working your plot would that lead to any work gardening some of those weekend homes (or are they all flats - mind you you could be the queen of window box maintenance), being and Avon / betterware lady would get you out and about but you might not feel up to that.
Sorry I've gone on a bit but what I wanted to say was get yourself in a better frame of mind and then if you feel that this isnt the life you want you can deal better with the changes you have to make.

anguk

You do contribute by growing and providing food for your family and looking after them, it isn't all about bringing in a wage.

I agree with the idea of adult education, even something like a painting class or something that interests you, something where there's no pressure. Is there something like the Womens Institute or Mothers Union in your area?

It sounds to me like you're losing your confidence a bit so even just an hour a week in the company of others would be good.

choille

Hi - Could be an age thing as well as such a change in circumstances for you? Don't mean to be rude but hormonal stuff could be happening & that can have quite an affect on mood, confidence, disatisfaction - feeling of needing change etc.

Could you advertise as a dog walker, cleaner, house sitter etc - whatever you feel prepared to do? That way you would gain some extra income & confidence too. Are you good at baking? Could you produce veg for a farmer's market stall? Craft work ect?

All the best.

GotToChange

I know you don't see it, but you have quite a few things to be grateful for, which I know sounds patronising but believe me, a lot of people would like to be in your shoes....
I sympathise wholeheartedly - but would not advocate setting too much store by the advice to break up your marriage. You may feel horrendously guilty about your "inability" to contibute to the family coffers, but you know of course that the larger economy has a lot to answer for... let alone your location and, to an extent, your skills ( and I hate to say this, and am in the same boat, your age).
You can only start from where you are - and now would be - as advised upthread - the time to assess what you can do (not just financially), not dwell on what you can't do and don't have.
I think that you should be proud of what you are doing at this point and have a think about what may make you feel better internally first of all, as I think that's maybe the root cause.
It isn't fair - but utterly understandable - to measure your own value of yourself by what your husband thinks, apart from anything else, that then burdens him with yet a.n.other thing... Having him love you is different from seeing yourself only though his eyes.
You could have a try at yoga, it has both physical and mental benefits as I'm sure you know. You could also try self-study if classes are too daunting or otherwise inaccessible....just a thought.
I agree that it could be your hormones "playing up" so please don't think that everything is worthless when it is actually something that can be understood and worked with.
x

oldtractor

Thankyou all so much for your replies. Especially Gottochange.There is a lot to think about. I think that I am going to join a local group doing something, I dont know what yet and at least I will meet people. WI isnt for me, I dont mind baking for the family but draw the line at doing stalls. I used to go to church,but theres not a lot of people involved and those that are are well -heeled and give a lot of their time too, but I found my self called upon to get more involved than I felt I could, they asked me to do teas and cakes,provide flowers and run fund raising events with them, all very nice if I was in their income bracket but we are a working class family with no spare money and it all got very awkward for me. So i need to find a cost free or very low cost hobby/interest. I hope something will turn up soon. I know on the one hand I have nothing to moan about i am just lonely and it gets to me at times. Thankyou all so much for your help.